John Watson and Mary Morstan

I get an email informing me that Sherlock Holmes's mantel is now available to buy. It's the one Benedict Cumberbatch modelled to excellent effect in the BBC series Sherlock; it's oleh Belstaff, it's called Milford and it costs £1,350, which is a hell of a lot of money. But then, it's a hell of a coat. Sharp, yet swishy. Dramatic. Dandy/manly. I really cinta that coat. I'd buy one for all my lovers, if I could afford to.

Admittedly, I could be somewhat influenced oleh the fact that I fancy the – well, the mantel – off of Benedict Cumberbatch. My crush on him is vast, unlikely, and completely undeniable....