Okay first, let me tell you:
DUDEEEE!
Your life truly sucks.
And second:
Welcome!
anda are in the right place. Now sit down and grab some salt.
Here are some examples to follow from the people who know how to deal with crappy situations the best. Just choose the profil that fits anda the best.
FIRST PROFILE:
anda are a strong person, who doesn’t really like chick flick moments atau to tampil your emotions, but that, in reality, is as cute as a teddy beruang (that sometimes gets pissed off) can be?
Well then, lucky you! anda are just like Dean and anda have a kick-ass personality!
anda are really in cinta with your car, and that’s kind of awesome, since driving a car is a great way of clearing your mind. So since anda aren’t the biggest planes fan, anda should drive and drive on your car. And don’t worry about the gasoline price atau something like that [it’s not like there’s a oil war out there, and those things are overrated anyways], that’s why the fake credit cards exist.
anda might get a bit tired of the driving, though (yep, that happens to the best ones, no need to be ashamed). So if that happens, just rent a motel room and make sure that it comes with a vibrating massage tempat tidur (you may need a lot of coins for this one). Yes, I know how bad that sounds, but there’s no need to be shy. Also, anda will be alone in the room. Who do anda think it can be there anyways, your brother? Yea, right. Like he doesn’t have a life of his own. *insert sarcasm note here*
BUT, if your bother is in the room with anda for some creepy atau supernatural reason, make sure anda make as much fun as anda can of him. That will make anda happy as hell, I promise. Also, there’s nothing wrong in using his laptop and go visit some cool websites like bustyasianbeauties.com. anda would be doing him a favor, if anda ask me. He needs to learn something about real life (so yea, make sure to update his internet favorites). anda can also get a myspace, I heard that women dig that (Note to yourself: learn what the hell a myspace is).
anda don’t wanna be closed in a strange and cheap motel room forever, so get out and have some fun. Meet new people. And oleh people I mean women and oleh meeting I mean getting laid; but it’s all the same right? Just be reaaaally careful with the type of women anda meet; some of them can be very sneaky and steal a hand of your pocket without anda even noticing, literally (again, don’t feel bad if that happens, at least she was willing to have animal sex with you).
Just drink some purple nipple shots and you’ll be fine.
Of course all this epic journey should be taken with some old school rock cassettes and pie (LOTS of pie). I heard that mumbling metallica it’s a really good way of calming down. And pie it’s just good for your health.
Most of all, don’t forget to have FUN! Go visit some cool places like Hollywood. Who knows, anda can even bang Paris Hilton (or make sure anda kill her, so she can’t ruin some acak epic tv tampil – that would be kind of awesome).
Just make sure anda be careful, anda don’t wanna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot. So stay away from crossroads, okay?
Final advice: Helping friends is awesome, and anda are an amazing friend. Just make sure anda don’t help them too much, atau anda might end up in jail.
And remember, anda are awesome. And adorable.
SECOND PROFILE:
anda are smart, open-minded, generous and anda don’t like when people mess with your stuff? Nobody ever gets your intelligence? Aww well, aren’t anda a cutie pie! anda are just like Sam.
People don’t exactly understand/appreciate your smartness (yea, being smart hurts sometimes), so maybe that means it’s time to spread your horizons and meet new people. Just be cautious about who anda meet, anda don’t wanna ending up sleeping with someone *really* hairy who can bite (trust me when I tell anda that those aren’t the type of bites you’re looking for) atau someone who keeps offering anda some weird red bloody thing to drink.
If anda can’t find someone under those conditions, no worries. Usually even the cheapest motels have porn channels, so It’s all good.
anda should go out lebih often, but anda also need to collaborate. If anda go to a halloween party, make sure anda go dressed up in some costume [SUIT UP!]. anda can’t go dressed up as yourself – UNLESS anda are really hot; in that case anda should UNdressed up and use just a towel around your waist (but I highly doubt that’s your case).
And to be the spirit [lol, excuse my choice of words] of the party anda just need to charm people with some of your talents, like fairy tales and a couple of magic tricks. That will totally blow them away; I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them become speechless after that.
anda can also invite people for some Pictionary game, because your draws are always so awesome!
If after all of that, anda still don’t have some friends; damn those people seriously have issues. And who better to acknowledge their pain than you?
....
Yea, I thought so.
This means it’s time to start giving hugs. tampil those people that anda are there for them, in the end they are just brave little soldiers, too precious for this world.
....
Didn’t work?
Oh well, I’m not a freaking Angel, so don’t expect miracles.
And who needs friends anyways? Don’t anda have a brother atau something? That will do.
Also, here’s some good news: anda don’t need anybody to get drunk.
Just make sure anda don’t drink too much, otherwise, anda will end up the night hugged to a toilet.
Final advice: Be careful while anda sleep. Not everybody is nice like you, so be alert atau anda might wake up with some spoon in your mouth. Also, watch where anda walk on, anda don’t want to lose a shoe atau something.
Make sure anda take this serious! It’s a very serious matter, we don’t have time for blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, BLAH!
