1. If they want to loan anda money, tell them anda just filed for bankruptcy and anda could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are anda today?" say, "Why do anda want to know?" Alternately, anda can tell them, "I'm so glad anda asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my sciatica is akting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your "problems."

3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Ask them how to spell "Milpitas." Continue asking them personal pertanyaan atau pertanyaan about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This one works better if you're male: Telemarketer: Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter & Siegel services... You: Hang on a second. [a few seconds' pause] Okay, [in really husky voice] What are anda wearing? Telemarketer: [Click.]

5. Cry out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh, my GOD! Judy, how have anda BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know anda from.

6. Say "no", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if anda can keep going until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get anda to sign up with their Family and friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as anda can muster, "I don't have any friends...would anda be my friend?"

8. If they clean rugs: "Can anda get out blood? Can anda get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?" Alternate: "Sorry, my floor is made of stone."

9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "uh-huh", "rilly" atau "how fascinating". Finally, when they ask anda to buy, ask them to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them anda couldn't just give out your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell them anda work for the same company they work for. Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from WaterTronics." You: "WaterTronics! Hey, I work for them too. Where are anda calling from?" Telemarketer: "Uh...Milpitas, California." You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business? The weather?!?" Telemarketer: "Sorry, we can't sell to employees." You: "Oh, okay. Bye!"

11. Answer the phone. As soon as anda realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, Shout atau scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. (Jerry Seinfeld version) Tell the telemarketer your busy at the moment and if they give anda their phone number, you'll call them back. Telemarketer will say "We're not allowed to give out our number". anda say, "I guess anda don't want anyone bothering anda at work, right?" Telemarketer will agree. anda say "Now anda know how I feel!" Hang-up.

13. Breath heavily and tell them anda were in the middle of having sex with your wife/husband. Tell them that the deal sounds good, but anda are not waiting for another bulan to finish the sex.

14. Sound happy to see hear from them, and ask them if they have (a) insurance (b) a burial plot, atau (c) a stock broker and that anda are one.

15. Say "speak up" and continue to do so.

16. Keep one of those personal siren alarms near the phone.

17. Ask them if they are aware that anda are with the District Attorney's Office, Division of Consumer Fraud, and that the conversation is being taped.