[The Simpsons] 1F02 - Homer Goes To College #255
Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F05 - Bart's Inner Child #32
Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the kap, hood #86
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals!... except the weasel.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the kap, hood #87
Homer: How was jerk practice, boy? Did they teach anda how to sing to trees? And build crappy furniture out of useless wooden logs? Huh? [His chair collapses] D'oh! Stupid poetic justice.
Bart: Actually, we were just planning the father-son river rafting trip.
Homer: Heh heh, anda don't have a son.
Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 1F07 - The Last Temptation Of Homer #33
Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah.
Homer: See, I got this friend named...Joey Jo-Jo... Junior... Shabadoo
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[A man leaves, weeping]
Barney: Hey, Joey Jo-Jo!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F09 - Homer the Vigilante #45
Homer: So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught oleh the very person who was trying to catch him.
Skinner: How ironic.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F15 - Bart Gets An gajah #34
Homer: Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F15 - Bart Gets An gajah #35
Homer: Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
Marge: Stampy's food bill today was $300.
Homer: Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F15 - Bart Gets An gajah #36
Homer: Uh, Milhouse saw the gajah twice and rode him once, right?
Mrs. mobil van, van Houten: Yes, but we paid anda $4.
Homer: Well, that was under our old price structure. Under our new price structure, your bill comes to a total of $700. Now, you've already paid me $4, so that's just $696 lebih that anda owe me.
Mr. mobil van, van Houten: Get off our property.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F15 - Bart Gets An gajah #37
Lisa: Dad! You're sinking.
Homer: Huh?
Marge: Get a rope, Bart?
Homer: Naw, that's OK. I'm pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I'll just reach in and pull my legs out, now I'll pull my arms out with my face.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com





[The Simpsons] 1F16 - Burns' Heir #396
Chief Wiggum: Oh, for gosh g -- can't anda people solve these problems yourselves? I mean, we can't be, er, "policing" the whole city.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F16 - Burns' Heir #397
Burns: OK, let's make this sporting, Leonard. If anda can tell me why I shouldn't api anda without using the letter "E", anda can keep your job.
Lenny: Uh, OK. Um, I'm a good...work...guy --
Burns: You're fired.
Lenny: But I didn't say --
Burns: anda will. [pushes a button]
Lenny: [falling through a trap door] EEEEeeeee!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F17 - Lisa's Rival #38
Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a keterangan of that person.
Taylor: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: [thinks] Genuine class.
Taylor: Ho ho, very good. All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: [thinks] Jeremy's...iron.
Taylor: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try. anda know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 2F03 - Treehouse of Horror V #39
Homer: I've gone back to the time when dinosaurus weren't just confined to zoos!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 2F05 - Lisa on Ice #394
Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 2F09 - Homer The Great #259
Marge: I don't want anda stalking anyone tonight.
Homer: Oh, OK, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a menit [gets up] I'm... going outside. To... stalk ...Lenny and Carl...[realizes] D'oh!

Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 2F22 - lemon of Troy #52
Bart: Remember: if anda get lost, anda can always find east oleh staring directly at the sun.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3F03 - Lisa the Vegetarian #258
Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: It's a typo.
Lisa: Dad! Can't anda have some other type of party, one where anda don't serve meat?
Homer: All normal people cinta meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. anda don't win friends with salad.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3F14 - Homer the Smithers #53
Burns: Here, tell me how my stocks did yesterday.
Homer: Uh, they all won.
Burns: What about my options?
Homer: Well, anda can either get up atau go back to sleep.
Burns: I believe I'll get up.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3F14 - Homer the Smithers #54
Homer: Here are your messages:
"You have 30 menit to pindah your car",
"You have 10 minutes",
"Your car has been impounded",
"Your car has been crushed into a cube",
"You have 30 menit to pindah your cube".
[phone ringing]
Homer: [answers] Yello, Mr. Burns' office.
Burns: Is it about my cube?
Contributed oleh sahbeewah


[The Simpsons] 3F14 - Homer the Smithers #145
Homer: I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.

Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 3F17 - Bart on the Road #63
Homer: Donut?
Lisa: No, thanks. Do anda have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3F17 - Bart on the Road #64
Marge: The national grammar rodeo? I wish I were going. Oh, wait, wait... I wish I "was" going. Is that right, Bart?
Bart: I dunno.
Lisa: It's not fair. I'm the best student in school, how come I never heard about this competition?
Bart: Maybe because anda are, as we say in Latin, a "dorkus malorkus."
Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 3F18 - 22 Short Films About Springfield #261
Skinner: Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had oleh all. I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be -- [notes entire dapur is on fire] Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
Contributed oleh Kurt D



[The Simpsons] 3F20 - Much Apu About Nothing #46
Homer: [on phone] Hello, Selma? Selma my dear, how are you? ... Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Listen, shut up for a second. How would anda like to marry Apu so he doesn't get deported?
Selma: I'd rather eat poison. My name's already Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure. God knows it's long enough without Nahassapeema-whatever. From now on, I'm only marrying for love... Mmm, possibly once lebih for money.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 3G04 - Simpson Tide #260
Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.
Abe: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 4F24 - Lisa the Simpson #263
Marge: Lisa, Lisa honey wake up.
Lisa: Why bother?
Marge: Because your father has a big surprise for you.
Lisa: I'm adopted?
Marge: Better, come look.
Contributed oleh mark m



[The Simpsons] 5F01 - The peluru, cartridge Family #251
Homer: A gun is not a weapon, Marge. It's a tool. Like a butcher knife, atau a harpoon, or...uh, ...an alligator.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 5F01 - The peluru, cartridge Family #253
Salesman: But surely anda can't put a price on your family's lives.
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 5F01 - The peluru, cartridge Family #254
Homer: I'm sorry I lied to you, Marge. But this gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com


[The Simpsons] 5F01 - The peluru, cartridge Family #257
Homer: I don't have to be careful. I've got a gun.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 5F11 - Das Bus #55
Homer: Ooh, they have the Internet on computers now!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 5F11 - Das Bus #56
Homer: Welcome to the Internet, my friend, how can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will anda be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?
Homer: [stares blankly] Can I have some money now?
Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 5F11 - Das Bus #57
Lisa: Point of order, if we want to learn anything we must respec--
Bart: Point of odor, Lisa stinks.
Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] 5F22 - Bart the Mother #266
Homer: Oh, I hate folding sheets!
Marge: That's your underwear.
Homer: Well, whatever it is, it's a two-man job. Where's Bart?
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 7F22 - Blood Feud #58
Homer: [disguising his voice] Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe anda have a letter for me.
Postal Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns, uh, what's your first name?
Homer: [pause] I don't know.
[outside on the steps of the post office] Great plan, Bart.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 7F23 - When Flanders Failed #107
Homer: Hello Jerry, remember last bulan when I paid back that loan? Well now I need anda to do a favor for me.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 9F06 - The New Kid on the Block #395
Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story".
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 9F09 - Homer's Triple Bypass #44
Homer: Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there yak-yak-yaking, I'm usually either sleeping atau mentally undressing the female parishioners. Anyway, can I have $50,000?
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 9F13 - I cinta Lisa #421
Homer: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my cinta life have been without it?
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com


[The Simpsons] 9F17 - So It's Come To This #422
TV: The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Homer: Mmmmm... beer...
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 9F20 - Marge In Chains #262
Homer: Marge, I'm going to miss anda so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] AABF11 - I'm With Cupid #144
Homer: And ask yourselves, people. Who's to blame for all this?
Hibbert: Well, I guess we are.
Ned: Well, I do take Maude for granted.
Lenny: Oh, I've done some of that myself.
Homer: Will anda stop it? It's easy to blame ourselves, but it's even easier to blame Apu. He's making us look bad!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] AABF21 - Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner? #59
Guide: Welcome to the Springfield Shopper, established in 1883. The newspaper was founded oleh Johnny Newspaperseed, a 14 year-old boy who roamed America founding newspapers.
Homer: If he's so smart, how come he's dead?
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] BABF08 - The Mansion Family #276
Homer: Oh, why won’t anyone give me an award?
Lisa: anda won a Grammy!
Homer: I mean an award that's worth winning.
Contributed oleh mark m



[The Simpsons] BABF22 - HOMR #66
Operator: For automated stock prices, please state the company name.
Homer: Animotion.
Operator: Animotion, up 1 1/2.
Homer: Yahoo!
Operator: Yahoo, up 6 1/4.
Homer: Huh? What is this crap?
Operator: rubah, fox Broadcasting, down 8.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] BABF22 - HOMR #67
Scientist: We could perform a surgery and remove the crayon from your brain. It could vastly increase your brain power. atau it could possibly kill you.
Homer: Hmm ... increase my killing power, eh?
Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] CABF02 - The Computer Wore Menace Shoes #43
Homer: Um ... I guess I'll take that one.
Salesman: Well, do anda need a paperweight? 'Cause if anda buy that machine, that's all you're going to have, an expensive paperweight.
Homer: Well, a paperweight would be nice, but what I really need is a computer. How about that one? [points to another machine]
Salesman: That technology is three months old. Only suckers buy out-of-date machines. You're not a sucker, are anda sir?
Homer: Heavens no!
Salesman: Oh good, because if anda were, I'd have to ask anda to leave the store.
Homer: I just need something to receive email.
Salesman: [whistles] You'll need a top-of-the-line machine for that. [shows Homer a machine] That's the same computer astronauts use to do their taxes.
Homer: I was an astronaut.
Salesman: Of course anda were.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] CABF02 - The Computer Wore Menace Shoes #62
Homer: Who are you, and why are anda holding me here? I want jawaban now, atau I want them eventually!
Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] CABF04 - Homer Vs. Dignity #60
Homer: What should I do with all this dirty, ill-gotten money? I'd better throw it in the garbage.
Lisa: Well, there's lots of needy kids out there.
Homer: I see what you're saying. I need to buy a gun!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com





[The Simpsons] CABF04 - Homer Vs. Dignity #61
Marge: Homer, we need to talk to a financial planner.
Homer: Financial panther, eh?
[imagining]
Banker: Mr. Simpson, you're a dollar overdrawn.
Homer: Get him, Sheba!
[a harimau kumbang, panther leaps onscreen and mauls the banker]
[back to reality] I'm on board.
Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] CABF07 - tenis The Menace #135
Lisa: Venus Simpson? You're replacing me?
Homer: Now Lisa, dumping's such a harsh word. Lets just say I'm replacing you.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] CABF16 - Children Of A Lesser Clod #143
Krusty: [About Homer] A man so generous, not recognizing him would make Santa Claus himself vomit with rage.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] CABF20 - Homer the Moe #40
Moe: ... and if anyone wants potato chips atau anything fancy, tell him to go to Hell.
Homer: Can do. Now, don't anda worry about a thing. [turns on a bir tap, spilling the bir onto the floor]
Moe: Hey, what are anda doing? I gotta pay for that!
Homer: No, Moe, you've got it all wrong. People buy bir from you.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] CABF20 - Homer the Moe #41
Moe: Listen, I don't like you, anda don't like me, but we both want to stop Homer from shooting a turkey.
Lisa: anda don't like me? I like you.
Moe: anda do? Then I like anda too. Here, have a towelette.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] DABF18 - Large Marge #114
Homer: I came out of the elephant's mouth, right? Because I already showered once today.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF02 - Special Edna #115
Electric Car: Hello. I'm an electric car. I can't go very fast. atau very far. And if anda drive me, people will think you're gay.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF10 - C.E. D'oh #280
Burns: Now a few lebih details about this year's company picnic. It's at the plant, no food will be served, the only activity will be work, and the picnic is cancelled.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF10 - C.E. D'oh #281
Lisa: What about anda and mom?
Homer: Oh we'll be upstairs in the bedroom making love...ly rope ladders, in case there's a fire.
Bart: Oh, okay.
Homer: Children, so naive.
Bart: What?
Lisa: Who's naive?
Homer: I didn't say anything...so naive.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF10 - C.E. D'oh #282
Female Associate: Homer, I'll go over the tahun end profit forecast if you'll stop looking at my boobs.
Homer: No deal.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com





[The Simpsons] EABF10 - C.E. D'oh #283
Homer: [reading from a book] Tip 1: Live each hari like it was your last. [sitting on a curb, sobbing] I don't wanna die! I'm so young!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF15 - Brake My Wife, Please #279
Homer: Psst, bishop to queen four.
Old Man: We're playing dominoes!
Homer: I berkata bishop to queen four.
Old Man: Alright already... sheesh.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF17 - Moe Baby Blues #277
Moe: "Alice in Wonderland", huh? This must be a takeoff on an "Alice in Underpants" movie I saw.
Contributed oleh gook nukem



[The Simpsons] EABF20 - The President Wore Pearls #192
Milhouse: And to think I was going to ask anda to the dance!
Lisa: I would have gone with you..
Milhouse: Well, anda still can!
Lisa: Well I don’t feel like it now.
Milhouse: Awww! That's cool. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF22 - The Regina Monologues #194
Lisa: Press the gray brick in the back of the fireplace.
Homer: Sweet freedom, here I... Owww!
Lisa: Put out the api first!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF22 - The Regina Monologues #195
Homer: America rules! Our Beatles are way better than your precious Rolling Stones!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF22 - The Regina Monologues #196
Lisa: Why did anda let him be his own barrister?
Marge: What difference could it make? He hit the friggin' Queen!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] EABF22 - The Regina Monologues #197
Homer: Yes, I've been jailed on six continents. All I have to do is kill a penguin.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] FABF05 - Diatribe of a Mad Housewife #199
Homer: Where to, Mac?
Comic Book Guy: For the third time, the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a taxi!
Homer: Hospital, eh? Wow, everyone is going there tonight.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] FABF05 - Diatribe of a Mad Housewife #200
Marge: Homie, I finished my novel…
Homer: Wooh, typed.
Marge: It's really important that anda read it and tell me what anda think.
Homer: No problem. Aww 286 pages!
Marge: It's double spaced.
Homer: Woo hoo! I'm half-way through!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com





[The Simpsons] GABF02 - Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass #105
Homer: Yeah! anda help me, and I in-turn am helped oleh you.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] GABF04 - There's Something About Marrying #132
Reverand Lovejoy: Call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage is described in the Bible--
Homer: If anda cinta the Bible so much, why don't anda marry it? In fact, I now pronounce anda and the Bible man and wife. And you're the wife!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] GABF18 - The Bonfire Of The Manatees #134
Marge: I found a place where I'm needed.
Homer: You're needed at home!
Marge: And treated like I deserve.
Homer: [pause] You're needed at home!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] HABF10 - ciuman Kiss, Bang Bangalore #68
Homer: This isn't India! Where's the universitas of Notre Dame and the Indy 500 and Wrigley Field and Dodger Dogs?!
Indian Woman: anda ignorant American! anda have confused India with Indiana, Indiana with Illinois, and the Cubs with the Dodgers!
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] HABF12 - Girls Just Wanna Have Sums #109
Marge: Do anda really think that woman are mentally inferior?
Homer: Well, eh uh, honey anda are just as smart as a man. Sometimes when I'm with anda I feel like I'm doing it with a dude.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] HABF12 - Girls Just Wanna Have Sums #110
Marge: Women are as smart as men. Why, a woman invented Liquid Paper.
Homer: Well, anda know what a man invented? Actual paper.
Contributed oleh sahbeewah



[The Simpsons] JABF18 - The Homer of Seville #241
Homer: That church service was so boring! I did a whole book of find-a-words.
Lisa: Dad, all anda circled were the I's and A's.
Homer: Those are words.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] JABF20 - He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs #239
Homer: Oh, what's the point of putting my socks on? I'd just have to take them off again a week later.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] KABF11 - Any diberikan Sundance #112
Homer: I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
Contributed oleh funnytvquotes.com