What Being a Retard Online can do for You
Being a retard online will bring anda riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: anda crave attention, anda absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, anda may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because oleh being a retard online anda can get all the attention anda need for a small fee.
Poor Literacy is Kool!
If anda want to be a retard anda must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! atau write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like anda can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once anda have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! anda must pindah on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this anda need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as anda can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" atau "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" atau "ebil" are a little too advanced for anda at this stage but with practice anda can master these lebih advanced moves.
Practice Your 1337 Skillz
In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that anda are, anda will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend anda are good oleh making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'
Learn to be Offensive
To be a retard online anda must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short anda should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of friends and free sex. If anda want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" kutipan - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard atau actually being witty, if anda find yourself in danger of actually being witty atau somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T atau Rick Astley and anda will become instant-retard.
Trolling for Dummies
1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. anda say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!
Spamming 101
Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if anda wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that anda may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if anda want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First anda must spam a lot, oleh which we mean anda must spam until anda can spam no lebih - spam until anda bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until anda get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and anda can spam no lebih -
Spam!
SPAM!
SPAM!!!
SPAM!!!!!!!!!!
Caps Lock
IS YER FRIEND.
Alt-F4
Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and anda will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn anda with your friends.
Being a retard online will bring anda riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: anda crave attention, anda absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, anda may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because oleh being a retard online anda can get all the attention anda need for a small fee.
Poor Literacy is Kool!
If anda want to be a retard anda must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! atau write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like anda can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once anda have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! anda must pindah on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this anda need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as anda can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" atau "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" atau "ebil" are a little too advanced for anda at this stage but with practice anda can master these lebih advanced moves.
Practice Your 1337 Skillz
In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that anda are, anda will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend anda are good oleh making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'
Learn to be Offensive
To be a retard online anda must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short anda should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of friends and free sex. If anda want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" kutipan - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard atau actually being witty, if anda find yourself in danger of actually being witty atau somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T atau Rick Astley and anda will become instant-retard.
Trolling for Dummies
1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. anda say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!
Spamming 101
Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if anda wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that anda may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if anda want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First anda must spam a lot, oleh which we mean anda must spam until anda can spam no lebih - spam until anda bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until anda get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and anda can spam no lebih -
Spam!
SPAM!
SPAM!!!
SPAM!!!!!!!!!!
Caps Lock
IS YER FRIEND.
Alt-F4
Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and anda will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn anda with your friends.
