El_Noire Not bad, glad to see people also write fanfiction on this site. Good to know. Firstly, you should add proper grammar. I'm no expert myself, but you missed things like "Quotation Marks", which you use to show someone is talkng, and a lot of periods, which caused you to have some run on sentences. A few more commas would have been nice too. What you did: So which one of you wants to go first? Tyra asked, What i reccomend: "So, which one lf you wants to first?" Tyra asked, Second, try splitting your story into paragraphs. Once you get the basic grammar part down, splitting your story into paragraphs should be much easier. Whenever a new character speaks or a group of sentences is getting long, go into a new paragraph. It makes the story look much cleaner, and longer too. What you did: Golem! Go! said Chopper In that case i'lll use Totodile! Said Ash What i reccomend: "Golem, go!" Chopper shouted. "In that case, i'll use Totodile!" Ash shot back. Third, avoid repeating the word "said" or any word for that matter. Be more creative with it. Think of it this way. You want your reader to be able to picture each scene you write in their mind. If you want them to get the message somone is yelling, you wouldn't say, "Die!" Said Ash. You'd say "Die!" Ash screamed furiously. It helps to make things easier for your reader to understand. Fourth, be more detailed. You should make it so the reader can picture the location or scene or character in thrir mind. Never assume you reader knows the locatiin, because you don't know what the reader knows except for what you tell them. If you were to say, "Ash and the gang were walking on Route 5", then i wouldn't really know anything about Route 5, would i? It would just be a blank canvas with a name. But if you said, "Ash and the gang were walking along the dirt path known as Route 5. Endless fields of grass occupied the sides of the path, and the warm summer sun was beating down on them, not even slight obscured by the cloudless sapphire sky.", i woukd get a very clear image as to where Ash and the gang were, right? In the end, it's up to you how you write. If you want to disregard everything i just said, feel free to do it. I'm not a best selling Author or anything. But from one writer to another, these are some things you could implement into future stories that could, kn my opinion, elevate your writing to a whole different level. So, from your newfound fan, Best Wishes El Noire