Hugh shook his head a little, sour-faced. He lifted his eyes up at him “She’s not answering Rob....”
He knew this would be a bad idea. He just knew it.
Robert encouraged him “Just....give it another couple of rings...." he said, drawing circles in the air with his hand "she might not have it around....”
He shook his head again, breathing out.
It was a bad idea.
It was bad ‘cause, once again, she wasn’t answering and it was bad 'cause it was making him feel like an plain idiot once more.
It was bad ‘cause he didn’t like the idea of playing such tricks on her. And it was bad ‘cause despite having been trying to reach her all day, now that she truly might end up answering at last, he was coming out empty-headed. And he desperately wished he would be able to come up with the right things to say. But it just wasn’t happening.
He sighed, painfully going back shaking his head.
It was just a hopeless case.
“I’m giving up....” he said.
Robert sat up.
“No, Hugh....hold on...at least wait for the line to....”
“Robert! Hi, how anda doing?”
Lisa was working on the sound of her voice. Nonchalantly surprised but also just as cheerful as usual. As much as possible. It wasn't coming easy to her.
She breathed in, deeply “I, ehm, I meant to call you....what’s up?”
Hugh simply wasn’t finding the words.
He couldn’t talk.
He had no idea why .
He couldn’t understand the reason....
But what he was feeling now that he had heard her voice wasn’t that sense of relief he had been expecting to.
Inexplicably, instead, the bare sound of her voice, so cheerful on the other side, the feeling she hadn’t been ignoring anyone’s but his calls all hari long…
Something at the pit of his stomach just writhed, loudly.
And he simply couldn’t find his voice.
Lisa looked down at her watch then. Jess...
She didn’t have much time, “It’s just….it’s just not really the right time to have an update kind of chat…”
Robert gestured in front of him, looking for his gaze.
He lifted his eyes up, keeping quiet, looking serious than ever.
“…but I’m glad anda called”
She held the phone with her shoulder as reaching for one of the last piles of clothes she had to go through “I have…I’ll just…I’m in a bit of a rush…”
Hugh could hardly breathe without it to cause him fatigue.
“…I’ll be seeing Jess tonight”
He didn’t know whether it was jealously driving him at that point. He couldn’t name it. And he didn’t even stop wondering whether it made sense atau just didn’t. But a senseless feeling of irritation suddenly aroused inside him setting him off.
Lisa frowned “Robert? anda still there?”
“Sounds like anda have time for everyone but me, today….”
The words just ripped out of him.
Just as their sound: harsh and scornful and anywhere close to the one of those ones he wished he could find a way to tell her.
It was a bad start.
Like this morning Lisa recognized him from the very first word. But she wasn’t feeling stunned atau confused now. Not anymore.
She just felt angry.
Angry as she had never felt in her whole life.
Her jantung thud. But she she pressed her lips into a tight line, saying nothing.
Hugh waited but then couldn’t hold himself back any longer “…aaaand suddenly goes quiet….” he said, sarcastically.
Lisa berkata nothing once more. Her eyes hardened, even if a faint shade of sorrow looked like clouding them for a second.
“….may I know at least why is that that I have this effect on anda today?”
This one, instead, was a very bad follow-up. There were no doubts on it.
He just kept hitting the worst tone possible, unable to get a grip.
Robert gestured for him to take it easy, weight his words.
He just ignored him, stubbornly, standing up. Very much like that same night at the PCA, he just wished he could have dragged her along and demanded to talk, regardless of anyone.
He didn’t care what Robert said.
If Gabriella listened.
If the whole wide world noticed.
He just wanted answers. Now.
He knew he was making a mistake….
Lisa took a deep breath.
She didn’t want to go there.
She forced herself to answer flatly, “What do anda want Hugh?”
He gaped, gesturing violently “What do I want?! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, THAT’S WHAT I WANT!!”
He didn’t really raise his voice at her.
He just didn’t.
But he hadn’t meant it to come out like this either; like he was really being demanding.
He just wanted to talk to her…
That she let him explain.
Why couldn’t they just do that?
Lisa closed her eyes. The thing tangled inside her coiled “Watch your tone…”
Robert poked round from behind his back, asking him to keep it down and use his brain.
Hugh rubbed his lips and took a breath.
“Sorry…" he told her.
Lisa backed to the kitchen, shaking her head.
"I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you….but it’s all hari long I’m trying to reach…”
She scoffed, “Yeah I noticed. anda basically harassed me…”
It was useless.
Whatever he said, it just made things worse.
However he berkata it. She was just feeling angry. So much angry. lebih than she was expecting to be. lebih than she had already felt this morning atau all hari long.
Angry ‘cause he wasn’t letting her breath. Angry ‘cause he kept chasing her.
Angry ‘cause she would be forced to shoot a scene with him tonight.
Angry ‘cause all this angriness meant nothing.
It just proved to her how much she still loved him.
Despite of everything.
Hugh stood there, rocked.
“I berkata I’m sorry…” he repeated. But his voice sounded considerably weaker this time.
Lisa didn’t notice. Things had gotten too far for her to even watch her words anymore.
“You sorry a lot these days aren’t you?”
Hugh’s jantung bucked. His face grew cloudier.
She pressed on, regardless of that little voice telling her she was making a mistake, “And I assume, since anda had run short of things to be sorry about, anda had the bright idea of tricking me into answering to anda oleh using Rob’s phone….smart move….”
Hugh's lips hardned into a tight line.
Ok that was it.
Enough.
He couldn’t take it anymore.
And if he had been wondering how much he had he changed – whether his basic instincts were all still there, diligently dull but on their toes and dangerously ready to be set off under the smallest strain….
That was it.
The pertanyaan had just been answered.
“Ok Lisa, enough. Alright, what have I done to anda for be deserving of this?”
She flinched.
She knew she was making a mistake.
She was beeing too impulsive.
She didn’t want to go there....
She just didn’t for God’s sake, so why pushing this? What for?
She sighed, keeping on moving around, aimlessly “Nothing, Hugh. anda did nothing…”
“It certainly didn’t sound like this so either this or….”
His voice quite simply died. The alternative wasn’t easy to voice.
Lisa shook her head, “I gotta go…”
He goggled. He was feeling Robert’s eyes on him but he didn’t care “No Lisa, wait…what’s…talk to me…”
She closed her eyes, “Hugh….”
“No don’t give me that tone…what?!”
Robert was motioning to his watch.
Lisa’s lips pressed into a tight line “No, anda don’t give me that tone…”
He nodded and moved away from Robert, exasperated “No, I wasn’t talking to you, Robert was…”
She didn’t care, she just wanted to hang up “I have to go…”
“Lisa…no…”
“I need to hang up, Hugh…”
“No Lisa, wait…I…”
It just felt like one of those time-games in which he had to guess the right answer on time. Only he was running short and oleh phone, like this....
He just wanted to see her…
“Liz please, where are you?”
She rubbed her face “I’ll see anda tonight, Hugh…I gotta go”
He pulled at his hair “Not tonight. I need…”
“Good bye Hugh”
He panicked.
“NO WAIT!! you…you think I enjoyed it?” he yelled straight out right then.
His jantung thud.
But there was silence on the other side. She was still there. She hadn’t hung up yet. He still had time.
“You…you think I…I enjoyed it?!” he repeated.
He didn’t even know what he was going to say. He didn’t even know what the matter was.
All he knew was he wanted to keep her from hanging up and just talked to her.
And so Lisa stood there, rocked.
Unable to hang up.
She hated him….
“Do…do anda think I liked pulling your leg yesterday? Like….like I decided to test how long you’ll be….I don’t know….waiting for me to call anda atau something? I….I wasn’t fooling around, if anda just…if anda just would listen to me…”
She hesitated, “No, I…”
“No, Lisa please. Why anda keep avoiding me?”
She shook her head “Hugh I can’t…”
“You can’t what?!”
She turned to the dapur “I…”
“Then at least tell me why…”
“Please stop…” she whispered.
“No, I won’t…”
She rubbed her forehead, agitating lebih and lebih “Hugh…”
“Why can’t I see you?!”
“No”
“Why?”
She went to her bedroom “I berkata no”
“But there must be a reason…”
She shook her head, “It’s better like this…”
“Why?”
“Nothing”
She couldn’t breath.
“How can it be nothing?!”
She buried her face in her hand “Enough Hugh...I can't...”
He burst out, raising his voice “WELL anda HAVE TO ASNWER SOMETHING!!!AT LEAST TELL ME WHY I HAD TO END UP...”
“HUGH I’M TIRED OF IT!”
For a while, Hugh could only hear the sound of his own breath. He couldn't conceive it.
Slowly, the words started to sink in and settle down, though acquiring sense and he blinked ‘cause it felt waking up half-numbed and light-headed from a bad dream.
Only it was still running.
“Wha…what…what are anda tired of?” he whispered.
Lisa felt her limbs going numb. Too many things were fighting to get out of her chest, all out once. And the lebih he pressured her, the worst she felt.
The floor began to ripple. She rubbed her face. She had berkata too much already, she just wanted to be left alone.
“Lisa?” Hugh’s voice was awfully pleading.
It hurt. It just hurt her.
Regardless, it just hurt her, “Hugh…” she sighed.
“No, I want to hear it from you…”
He was pushing her to the limit.
“Hugh, don’t…..”
“Lisa, I…please, anda can’t…”
He felt desperate. He didn’t care about the rest. She just couldn’t mean it.
She closed her eyes, tired “I just did”
“No, anda didn’t…you can’t…”
“Hugh, ENOUGH!! US!!! I’m tired of us, alright!!”
He silenced.
And he didn’t even know whether what he berkata made any sense in that context., cause he wasn't sure even sure which us she was talking about. He just felt lost.
He swallowed,“I thought we were friends…”
Lisa brought one hand to her forehead, holding it “Maybe I just realized we can’t even be that…”
“We…you can’t be ser….”
“Never been more” she cut him off.
She didn’t even know what she wanted atau expected from him.
All she knew was that she wanted to hurt him right now. Deeply. Just as much as he had hurt her. And it was frightening her, ‘cause she knew she was perfectly capable of it.
Hugh began to stammer “Well, but what…wh..what about the last few months? What about me trying to…”
She couldn’t stop.
“I didn’t ask anda that…”
He gaped slightly “You didn’t….well, I didn’t either, I…”
“Then anda shouldn’t have if anda were expecting something in return”
“I….what?! No!! I wasn’t…what?!” he paused, realizing what she meant. Then he frowned, horrified “Wait a second...Me?! In return?! It’s not like that…I wasn’t…how can anda even think something like that?!”
Lisa felt her breath getting shorter. She was reaching her breaking point. She needed to hung up...
“Hugh I want out…”
“You can’t...”
Her temper raised, “STOP telling me what I can do atau not!”
Hugh pressed his lips, whatever he berkata she took it wrong. He dropped his shoulders “I’m not telling anda that…I just why can't I..."
She gestured violently “NO!!!”
It shocked her.
It shocked just as much as it upset him: the violence of her tone and the buried amount of anger that had just burst out of her chest along with the word.
That alone already froze him in place, leaving his stunned “Lisa calm…”
But Lisa started to pace, not listening “No I won’t. anda think just because every once in a while anda wake up and decide there’s room enough in your life for me, I should come along?”
She had been trying to. Bottle it up. Keep it from blowing off.
She couldn’t anymore.
“What am I? A dog?! anda give me a whistle, I trot by?”
Hugh gaped “A dog?! Why would anda even…”
“You think I should tell you, ok…’let’s do it your way’, any time anda feel comfortable enough to fit me in your busy schedule…”
He furrowed, wide-eyed “My busy…. “
“Or maybe anda think that just because you’ve made ‘being swallowed oleh the bustle of things’ your own personal field of expertise, the others should do the same? Go with the flood and come what may…is that how anda do it, right? ”
She hadn’t wanted to go there.
She just hand't.
And yet she had ended up striking where she knew it would hurt him the most.
And now silence had fallen deadly upon them.
Just panting away, over the sound of her own breath she could also hear the sound of his. Just as clearly. And she almost believed she could feel exactly how he felt right now; ‘cause she was feeling just as horribly.
Hugh's face darkened. As Robert had never seen it.
He clenched his fist, first pursing his lips “Is this really what anda think about me?”
There seemed to be nothing in his voice this time.
No softens atau concern, not even rage.
No feeling left for her.
The ground just felt like rippling under her feet, all over again. She had just created a gulf between them, for a very good reason.
And yet it hurt. Badly and inexplicably.
Too much.
She squeezed her eyes, fighting it back.
“Goodbye Hugh”.

Hugh remained with the phone yanked to his ear. He didn’t even know for how long. How could she? How...when...why?
She wanted out? Well, he did too then.
He couldn’t breathe.
At some point, Robert showed up at his side, but he shot him such a crossed look this time, that he knew enough not to ask too much.
“Is…is everything….is everything ok?”
Hugh looked straight at him “Does it look like I’m ok?!” he snapped, shoving the phone back in his hands.
Robert clenched his teeth “Well, I…I just…”
He turned, ignoring him altogether “I need to go”
“Wait…where are anda going?”
“I don’t know. Out of here…I need air…”
Robert followed him as Gabriella poked round Eleanor’s bedroom, “What’s happening?” she whispered “Heard the yelling…are they ok?!”
Hugh opened the door.
Robert shrugged, shaking his head. He hurried to the door, “Hugh wait…” he put one hand against it, closing it again.
Hugh snorted, “Robert it’s really not the right time to play the peacemaker…”
“I’m not trying to….”
He cut him off “Then leave me ALONE!”
He forced him to back off and step out, then walking himself fretfully out of that house, just away from there.
He needed air.
Clear his mind.
Brush it off and get it out of his system. Whatever it was.
He couldn’t even name it in its entirety.
He didn’t even know what he was feeling the most right now: whether pain atau resentment. A resentment he couldn’t explain himself but couldn’t silence either.
He needed a ride.
Clear his head.
Feel the wind whipping at his face and scratching on his bare hands over the handlebars.
Hit the limit.
He jumped on his bike….then, his phone rang into his pocket.
He tossed his head backwards. This must be David. He had been calling him like crazy all hari long and he had just kept ignoring him.
He grunted loudly but had no choice other than taking it out, answering this time.
He didn’t even check.
“Yep…”
He rubbed his lips, waiting for the yelling to start.
“Hugh…it’s me”
Hugh frowned, relaxing a bit, even if he didn’t manage to stop his jantung from pounding like mad “Jess...” he tried to get his breath “I thought it was David…”
Jess sounded in a hurry “No it’s me…listen…ehm…you busy right now…or tonight perhaps?”
Hugh brought one hand to his face rubbing it “No, Jess…I…I’m not busy, but…”
Jess nodded “That’s what I thought….”
“No, but…I can’t…I…it’s just not the right time” he started to massage over his eyelids “Whatever crazy guys-night out anda guys are coming up with, count me out…”
Jess pondered for a brief second. He just wished he was doing the right thing.
“Well” he began “you might be up for something different then….”
Hugh shook his head, tiredly. Even just talking was burden right now “No, Jess…you don’t get it…it’s really not…”
“Lisa’s leaving” he told him straight out right then.
Hugh shut up, abruptly.
Jess hesitated wondering whether he truly knew what he had just done.
He sighed silently, making up his mind, once and for all. He just hoped it would set him off just as he thought it would.
“Honestly….I think her boyfriend has something to do with it…”
It was done. He couldn’t take it back
Hugh’s lips pressed into a tight line.
His jantung leapt into his chest.
Blood rushed to his head.
As something blew up inside him, once and for all.
Finally
Jess licked his lips to the corner, breathing in deeply “I just figure anda might want to know…”