Written oleh dreamgoddess'92.
Sequel to "Nothing".
Songttext oleh Crossfade "Cold".
Looking back at me I see that
I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I’m always wrapped up in things I cannot win
Aaron Hotchner had fucked up royally and nothing in the world would convince him otherwise.
In his defense, Hotch had a lot of things going on in his life. He was trying to deal with losing his position on the team as well as a psychotic serial killer who was bent on making his life a living hell dimension where his son and ex wife were in constant danger. That alone would drive a less secure man insane. Still, Hotch could not think of any excuses good enough to justify his sheer idiocy in letting Emily Prentiss leave his apartment five nights ago.
It seemed like the cowards way out in his mind as he laid in tempat tidur with his eyes closed while he listened to Emily gather her clothes and leave his apartment. Hotch hadn’t gotten up when in reality he should’ve. He had been wondering when she’d leave him; he had been counting down the days. He couldn’t blame her. Hotch was unable to give her what she really wanted. Himself.
Hotch sighed and looked down at the paperwork on his desk. They had just returned from a brutal case in Georgia and it seemed like Hotch’s amount of paperwork increased ten-fold while he was gone. Hotch resisted the urge to look out of his window down to Emily’s desk. Working with her had been easy but difficult at the same time. Hotch could see the circles under her eyes which meant her nightmares had returned, something Hotch felt guilty for. She mentioned once how he kept them away and he had felt pride well up inside of him as he held her that night. If he had been open with her he would’ve told her she did the same thing for him, but he hadn’t.
Feeling his will crumble, Hotch looked outside his window and was surprised to see Dave sitting on the edge of her desk. oleh Emily’s facial expression they were having a serious conversation and Hotch was instantly curious. Emily hadn’t told a soul about their relationship-well she did mention telling an old friend who worked in D.C; although she didn’t say where he worked, Hotch was under the impression that her friend was high up in the food chain. Other that her friend though, Emily hadn’t breathed a word of her relationship with Hotch to their team.
Dave though was clever and Hotch had the sinking feeling his old friend new the gist of what happened between Emily and himself. As Dave patted Emily’s arm affectionately and turned to walk back to his office, Dave’s eyes met Hotch’s and suddenly Hotch knew his old friend knew. Not good.
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high
Dave didn’t stop at Hotch’s office, which Hotch was thankful for but, he knew his old friend would be giving him quite the talking to when time permitted.
Hotch rubbed his temple in frustration. He couldn’t pretend like their separation wasn’t affecting him. Honestly, he felt like he was going through withdraws. Emily wasn’t just some easy woman he used to rid his body of excess stress. She was a drug that suddenly Hotch needed to get through the day. She was his crutch and Hotch cursed himself for allowing her to take on such a demanding role. Hotch had warned her in the beginning. He told her straight up he wouldn’t be able to give her much. Between what Haley and the Reaper had done to him, Hotch wasn’t much of a whole man anymore. Emily had accepted that and pulled him into her apartment without a second’s hesitation. Hotch should’ve known in that instant that she hadn’t truly understood what she was doing; what he was asking of her.
All he had been thinking about though was her body, the way it made him feel alive again. It had been so long since Hotch felt heat coursing through his veins in a way that didn’t make him see red. He’d never admit it, but when he had been with Emily that first night Hotch forgot about all the evils that plagued his daily life. Foyet was forgotten as her kemeja fell to the floor and the rest with each kiss, each touch. Hotch had been free of all the constraints his job and upbringing had forced upon him. It had been heaven.
It didn’t come as a surprise that their relationship hadn’t worked out. He was too broken and she couldn’t fix a puzzle when some pieces were missing. It also didn’t surprise Hotch that he missed Emily. To say that he had grown fond of her was a drastic understatement, but at the same time Hotch didn’t feel comfortable classifying his true feelings towards his female teammate. Truth be told, it disconcerted Hotch a little at how intense his feelings for Emily had become. They manifested in a way that Hotch hadn’t dealt with in years.
What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so
Hotch knew without a doubt that they had to talk. He needed to apologize, to say the least, but he didn’t know if he deserved that. To ask to be forgiven seemed like blasphemy as he thought back on the countless nights he used her without giving back. He wished she had yelled at him before she left that night, atau that she hit him. God knew he deserved it. Emily be great at hiding behind her mask at work, but since they had started spending lots of time together Hotch could clearly see how he had broken her in a way Hotch never intended upon. He didn’t deserve her, that much was true.
Hotch cursed under his breath.
There wasn’t a word for his stupidity. He couldn’t sit there and wallow in this bought of self-pity that threatened to consume him. The thought that he had hurt Emily made Hotch want to slam his fists into his meja tulis, meja and cry out in rage. She had done nothing but support him, and offer herself to his insatiable needs. Hotch was even partially convinced Emily loved him; that thought alone made Hotch want Dave to rush into his office and beat his ass. Dave had warned Hotch what would happen if he let Foyet take over his life. Dave was one of the first people to tell Hotch to let go and live again. He had seen the looks Hotch gave Emily when they were one cases. If Dave really knew what Hotch had allowed to happen…well Hotch didn’t want to really think about that.
Cold to you, I’m sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
anda could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
Hotch couldn’t take it anymore. Most of the team was gone and Emily had just gathered her stuff without casting a single glance at Hotch’s office. He had to do something and fast. Hotch couldn’t let her walk away again; he didn’t know if he’d survive it this time. He could barely stand once he saw her key on his dapur counter after she left. oleh the time he reached for his front door, Emily had been halfway to her apartment which felt like a thousand miles away from where he needed her to be. If he had just gotten up…
Hotch didn’t take lebih than a few menit to pack up his stuff and rush out his office. He didn’t notice Dave standing in his own doorway but he did hear his friend’s voice.
“You better fix this Aaron. Don’t let this one out of your reach, atau you’ll regret it the rest of your life.” Dave berkata softly, reflecting on his own stupidity. Hotch turned around to face his friend.
“I won’t” Hotch berkata and with a small nod to Dave, he took off after Emily.
Dave shook his head fondly as he watched Hotch chase after the one woman who he’d never be able to live without and Dave found his thoughts drifting off to a certain blonde haired beauty who, oleh the looks of it, hadn’t left yet. Grinning, Dave made his way over to her office following his own advise for once in his long life.
- - - - - - -
Hotch wasn’t sure how long he had been waiting outside Emily’s door.
She hadn’t been halaman awal when his car pulled into her apartment parking lot, which unnerved Hotch quite a lot. He couldn’t bring himself to leave though considering this was probably the only time he’d have to repair what he had broken. He wouldn’t allow himself to leave; it wasn’t even a possibility. He’d fix their relationship even if it killed him. Which, considering how lethal Emily Prentiss can be, it just might.
You are the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
Hotch hadn’t exactly decided what he was going to say to Emily once she returned. He hadn’t planned that far ahead. Truthfully, for someone so organized and anal-retentive about certain things, Hotch had just thought he’d wing it. What harm could he possibly do now that he had already made her leave him? The worst she could do was refuse to take him back, though really the worst thing she could do was take him back and suffer as he failed to do what he should’ve done. Maybe coming to Emily’s wasn’t the best idea.
‘No, I have to fix this.’ Hotch thought determined. He wasn’t leaving this spot until Emily came halaman awal and threatened him. Even then he might not leave. She’d just have to hear him out…right? Hotch sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned his head back on the dinding selanjutnya to her door. What he wouldn’t give to go back in time and stop her from leaving. He’d tampil her what she really meant to him. He’d prove to her over and over again how much he loved her…
‘Love?’ Hotch thought amused and slightly shocked. Yeah, he loved her. Sure as the sun rose and set, Aaron Hotchner had fallen in cinta with Emily Prentiss without even knowing it. He sure was going to have to do a lot of making up to her if he was going to make this work. He just wanted a chance.
“Hotch?” Emily’s voice made Hotch’s eyes snap open and him turn away from the dinding to face her. He mentally tried to figure out if she was upset atau surprised at seeing him there.
I never really wanted anda to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
As he looked her over, he decided she was lebih shocked than anything. Though he could see the traces of anger and sadness in her eyes deep depths. This was gonna take some time.
“Emily, we need to talk.” Hotch berkata internally cringing that the clichéd line that seemed like the ciuman of death for so many relationships. Emily looked hesitant and for a second, Hotch was afraid she’d say no. She wanted to, he could see it in her eyes; in her posture. Her resolve weakened though as Hotch took a step forward.
“Please?” he murmured softly willing her to see his determination in his eyes. He was going to make this work, he had to; for both of their sakes. He couldn’t let Emily go. He should’ve tried harder in the beginning but he had been so lost, so cold. He didn’t want to taint her with the demons that haunted his every step.
Emily looked him over, seeing a slight change in him. Emily was hesitant to let him in, but she desperately missed him. She had to fight herself every detik from running back to him. Emily saw something in his eyes which made her decide to hear him out.
I never really wanted anda to go
So many things anda should have known
I guess for me there’s just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
They were warm: The traces of ice in them seemed to melt as she gazed into their dark pools. There was no waktu berakhir tanggal and no hint of ‘goodbye’ on his lips as he worried his bottom one slightly. It was a nervous habit he picked up from her. Emily walked towards him slowly and turned to unlock her door. She left it open, letting him chose whether atau not he’d come in. Hotch followed her without a detik thought and closed the door behind him trying not to smile at the detik chance she was providing him.
He wouldn’t mess up this time.
Sequel to "Nothing".
Songttext oleh Crossfade "Cold".
Looking back at me I see that
I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I’m always wrapped up in things I cannot win
Aaron Hotchner had fucked up royally and nothing in the world would convince him otherwise.
In his defense, Hotch had a lot of things going on in his life. He was trying to deal with losing his position on the team as well as a psychotic serial killer who was bent on making his life a living hell dimension where his son and ex wife were in constant danger. That alone would drive a less secure man insane. Still, Hotch could not think of any excuses good enough to justify his sheer idiocy in letting Emily Prentiss leave his apartment five nights ago.
It seemed like the cowards way out in his mind as he laid in tempat tidur with his eyes closed while he listened to Emily gather her clothes and leave his apartment. Hotch hadn’t gotten up when in reality he should’ve. He had been wondering when she’d leave him; he had been counting down the days. He couldn’t blame her. Hotch was unable to give her what she really wanted. Himself.
Hotch sighed and looked down at the paperwork on his desk. They had just returned from a brutal case in Georgia and it seemed like Hotch’s amount of paperwork increased ten-fold while he was gone. Hotch resisted the urge to look out of his window down to Emily’s desk. Working with her had been easy but difficult at the same time. Hotch could see the circles under her eyes which meant her nightmares had returned, something Hotch felt guilty for. She mentioned once how he kept them away and he had felt pride well up inside of him as he held her that night. If he had been open with her he would’ve told her she did the same thing for him, but he hadn’t.
Feeling his will crumble, Hotch looked outside his window and was surprised to see Dave sitting on the edge of her desk. oleh Emily’s facial expression they were having a serious conversation and Hotch was instantly curious. Emily hadn’t told a soul about their relationship-well she did mention telling an old friend who worked in D.C; although she didn’t say where he worked, Hotch was under the impression that her friend was high up in the food chain. Other that her friend though, Emily hadn’t breathed a word of her relationship with Hotch to their team.
Dave though was clever and Hotch had the sinking feeling his old friend new the gist of what happened between Emily and himself. As Dave patted Emily’s arm affectionately and turned to walk back to his office, Dave’s eyes met Hotch’s and suddenly Hotch knew his old friend knew. Not good.
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high
Dave didn’t stop at Hotch’s office, which Hotch was thankful for but, he knew his old friend would be giving him quite the talking to when time permitted.
Hotch rubbed his temple in frustration. He couldn’t pretend like their separation wasn’t affecting him. Honestly, he felt like he was going through withdraws. Emily wasn’t just some easy woman he used to rid his body of excess stress. She was a drug that suddenly Hotch needed to get through the day. She was his crutch and Hotch cursed himself for allowing her to take on such a demanding role. Hotch had warned her in the beginning. He told her straight up he wouldn’t be able to give her much. Between what Haley and the Reaper had done to him, Hotch wasn’t much of a whole man anymore. Emily had accepted that and pulled him into her apartment without a second’s hesitation. Hotch should’ve known in that instant that she hadn’t truly understood what she was doing; what he was asking of her.
All he had been thinking about though was her body, the way it made him feel alive again. It had been so long since Hotch felt heat coursing through his veins in a way that didn’t make him see red. He’d never admit it, but when he had been with Emily that first night Hotch forgot about all the evils that plagued his daily life. Foyet was forgotten as her kemeja fell to the floor and the rest with each kiss, each touch. Hotch had been free of all the constraints his job and upbringing had forced upon him. It had been heaven.
It didn’t come as a surprise that their relationship hadn’t worked out. He was too broken and she couldn’t fix a puzzle when some pieces were missing. It also didn’t surprise Hotch that he missed Emily. To say that he had grown fond of her was a drastic understatement, but at the same time Hotch didn’t feel comfortable classifying his true feelings towards his female teammate. Truth be told, it disconcerted Hotch a little at how intense his feelings for Emily had become. They manifested in a way that Hotch hadn’t dealt with in years.
What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so
Hotch knew without a doubt that they had to talk. He needed to apologize, to say the least, but he didn’t know if he deserved that. To ask to be forgiven seemed like blasphemy as he thought back on the countless nights he used her without giving back. He wished she had yelled at him before she left that night, atau that she hit him. God knew he deserved it. Emily be great at hiding behind her mask at work, but since they had started spending lots of time together Hotch could clearly see how he had broken her in a way Hotch never intended upon. He didn’t deserve her, that much was true.
Hotch cursed under his breath.
There wasn’t a word for his stupidity. He couldn’t sit there and wallow in this bought of self-pity that threatened to consume him. The thought that he had hurt Emily made Hotch want to slam his fists into his meja tulis, meja and cry out in rage. She had done nothing but support him, and offer herself to his insatiable needs. Hotch was even partially convinced Emily loved him; that thought alone made Hotch want Dave to rush into his office and beat his ass. Dave had warned Hotch what would happen if he let Foyet take over his life. Dave was one of the first people to tell Hotch to let go and live again. He had seen the looks Hotch gave Emily when they were one cases. If Dave really knew what Hotch had allowed to happen…well Hotch didn’t want to really think about that.
Cold to you, I’m sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
anda could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
Hotch couldn’t take it anymore. Most of the team was gone and Emily had just gathered her stuff without casting a single glance at Hotch’s office. He had to do something and fast. Hotch couldn’t let her walk away again; he didn’t know if he’d survive it this time. He could barely stand once he saw her key on his dapur counter after she left. oleh the time he reached for his front door, Emily had been halfway to her apartment which felt like a thousand miles away from where he needed her to be. If he had just gotten up…
Hotch didn’t take lebih than a few menit to pack up his stuff and rush out his office. He didn’t notice Dave standing in his own doorway but he did hear his friend’s voice.
“You better fix this Aaron. Don’t let this one out of your reach, atau you’ll regret it the rest of your life.” Dave berkata softly, reflecting on his own stupidity. Hotch turned around to face his friend.
“I won’t” Hotch berkata and with a small nod to Dave, he took off after Emily.
Dave shook his head fondly as he watched Hotch chase after the one woman who he’d never be able to live without and Dave found his thoughts drifting off to a certain blonde haired beauty who, oleh the looks of it, hadn’t left yet. Grinning, Dave made his way over to her office following his own advise for once in his long life.
- - - - - - -
Hotch wasn’t sure how long he had been waiting outside Emily’s door.
She hadn’t been halaman awal when his car pulled into her apartment parking lot, which unnerved Hotch quite a lot. He couldn’t bring himself to leave though considering this was probably the only time he’d have to repair what he had broken. He wouldn’t allow himself to leave; it wasn’t even a possibility. He’d fix their relationship even if it killed him. Which, considering how lethal Emily Prentiss can be, it just might.
You are the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
Hotch hadn’t exactly decided what he was going to say to Emily once she returned. He hadn’t planned that far ahead. Truthfully, for someone so organized and anal-retentive about certain things, Hotch had just thought he’d wing it. What harm could he possibly do now that he had already made her leave him? The worst she could do was refuse to take him back, though really the worst thing she could do was take him back and suffer as he failed to do what he should’ve done. Maybe coming to Emily’s wasn’t the best idea.
‘No, I have to fix this.’ Hotch thought determined. He wasn’t leaving this spot until Emily came halaman awal and threatened him. Even then he might not leave. She’d just have to hear him out…right? Hotch sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned his head back on the dinding selanjutnya to her door. What he wouldn’t give to go back in time and stop her from leaving. He’d tampil her what she really meant to him. He’d prove to her over and over again how much he loved her…
‘Love?’ Hotch thought amused and slightly shocked. Yeah, he loved her. Sure as the sun rose and set, Aaron Hotchner had fallen in cinta with Emily Prentiss without even knowing it. He sure was going to have to do a lot of making up to her if he was going to make this work. He just wanted a chance.
“Hotch?” Emily’s voice made Hotch’s eyes snap open and him turn away from the dinding to face her. He mentally tried to figure out if she was upset atau surprised at seeing him there.
I never really wanted anda to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
As he looked her over, he decided she was lebih shocked than anything. Though he could see the traces of anger and sadness in her eyes deep depths. This was gonna take some time.
“Emily, we need to talk.” Hotch berkata internally cringing that the clichéd line that seemed like the ciuman of death for so many relationships. Emily looked hesitant and for a second, Hotch was afraid she’d say no. She wanted to, he could see it in her eyes; in her posture. Her resolve weakened though as Hotch took a step forward.
“Please?” he murmured softly willing her to see his determination in his eyes. He was going to make this work, he had to; for both of their sakes. He couldn’t let Emily go. He should’ve tried harder in the beginning but he had been so lost, so cold. He didn’t want to taint her with the demons that haunted his every step.
Emily looked him over, seeing a slight change in him. Emily was hesitant to let him in, but she desperately missed him. She had to fight herself every detik from running back to him. Emily saw something in his eyes which made her decide to hear him out.
I never really wanted anda to go
So many things anda should have known
I guess for me there’s just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
They were warm: The traces of ice in them seemed to melt as she gazed into their dark pools. There was no waktu berakhir tanggal and no hint of ‘goodbye’ on his lips as he worried his bottom one slightly. It was a nervous habit he picked up from her. Emily walked towards him slowly and turned to unlock her door. She left it open, letting him chose whether atau not he’d come in. Hotch followed her without a detik thought and closed the door behind him trying not to smile at the detik chance she was providing him.
He wouldn’t mess up this time.
