How I got there, I don't remember. Being the only one there, I couldn't possibly find help. Nothing but the cold dead silence. Nothing but white pulsing throughout-throughout what? What could I call something that wasn't there? It wasn't nothing nor was it solid...Space. That's all it could be, Space. Just ongoing luar angkasa never ending. No horizon. No vanishing point. Nothing to see except white. It was all just space.
I was seeing through my mind, yet I still felt that burning sensation. Tears just welling up behind a thin layer of skin around my eyes. I began to pindah foward, not walk, run, nor fly atau float...I just moved. How I knew I was moving when nothing seemed to change? I don't know...I felt it.
Finally, a small object creating a faint shadow over the nothingness, as though giving me ground to walk on. My body knew what to do, it grounded itself and began to approach this object without waiting for my mind's reaction. I made the object out to be a step-ladder though it tok me some time to process it.
A step-ladder, made for climbing. Does this mean I have to get to higher ground? Usually people and binatang do that when there's trouble....Does it mean if I stay down here I will be in trouble? Either way, I must climb this ladder. It's so small though..Can something so small keep me safe? After a moment of pondering this, I finally decided to accept the ladder's help.
I lifted my foot to place it upon the first step, yet something seemed off. I mean I was sure I lifted my foot, yet both my feet remained planted on the ground. I tried again with my other foot...Nothing. I could feel them successfully moving yet whenever I looked down, there they were, the same place as they've always been.
Maybe I'm on the wrong side of the ladder... I tried to walk around the object, feeling the sensation of movement. I remembered being satisfied with my quick thinking under such circumstances while I successfully maneuvered around to the other side-Wait...No...That's not right... Much to my horror I hadn't moved an inch, I was still on the same side as I have been. I knew this because of the ladder's shadow.
I had begun to feel a sense of panic grow within my chest, my mind screaming as though it was trying to get out of my body! I try to run towards the ladder, I felt my legs pumping but to no avail! I lept at the ladder, my feet lifting from the gound and yet there I was still rooted to the spot! I jogged, sprinted, crawled, threw myself to the ground! I even tried to flee from it...But no I was permanently trapped, silently weeping. Not even my tears were real.
I was helpless and alone. I didn't even have anyone to express my frustrations to. All I could do was stand there and look at that step-ladder. Just stand there...
I was seeing through my mind, yet I still felt that burning sensation. Tears just welling up behind a thin layer of skin around my eyes. I began to pindah foward, not walk, run, nor fly atau float...I just moved. How I knew I was moving when nothing seemed to change? I don't know...I felt it.
Finally, a small object creating a faint shadow over the nothingness, as though giving me ground to walk on. My body knew what to do, it grounded itself and began to approach this object without waiting for my mind's reaction. I made the object out to be a step-ladder though it tok me some time to process it.
A step-ladder, made for climbing. Does this mean I have to get to higher ground? Usually people and binatang do that when there's trouble....Does it mean if I stay down here I will be in trouble? Either way, I must climb this ladder. It's so small though..Can something so small keep me safe? After a moment of pondering this, I finally decided to accept the ladder's help.
I lifted my foot to place it upon the first step, yet something seemed off. I mean I was sure I lifted my foot, yet both my feet remained planted on the ground. I tried again with my other foot...Nothing. I could feel them successfully moving yet whenever I looked down, there they were, the same place as they've always been.
Maybe I'm on the wrong side of the ladder... I tried to walk around the object, feeling the sensation of movement. I remembered being satisfied with my quick thinking under such circumstances while I successfully maneuvered around to the other side-Wait...No...That's not right... Much to my horror I hadn't moved an inch, I was still on the same side as I have been. I knew this because of the ladder's shadow.
I had begun to feel a sense of panic grow within my chest, my mind screaming as though it was trying to get out of my body! I try to run towards the ladder, I felt my legs pumping but to no avail! I lept at the ladder, my feet lifting from the gound and yet there I was still rooted to the spot! I jogged, sprinted, crawled, threw myself to the ground! I even tried to flee from it...But no I was permanently trapped, silently weeping. Not even my tears were real.
I was helpless and alone. I didn't even have anyone to express my frustrations to. All I could do was stand there and look at that step-ladder. Just stand there...
We're all human.
"It was an early March morning, so early that the sky still had streaks of orange and pink in it."
Shaun
I wonder, sometimes, if she ever thinks of me.
If she knows that I kept only one picture of her. Anything else was just too painful. In the picture, she doesn't know I am taking it until the camera flash goes off. She has been sitting at the meja tulis, meja in her old bedroom, and she is half-smiling.
**************************************************
I walk up to her, not breaking eye contact. Nothing existed but her.
The little girl was perched on her hip.
I trailed my fingers down her jawline. She still didn't move.
"Why did anda leave?"
I wonder, sometimes, if she ever thinks of me.
If she knows that I kept only one picture of her. Anything else was just too painful. In the picture, she doesn't know I am taking it until the camera flash goes off. She has been sitting at the meja tulis, meja in her old bedroom, and she is half-smiling.
**************************************************
I walk up to her, not breaking eye contact. Nothing existed but her.
The little girl was perched on her hip.
I trailed my fingers down her jawline. She still didn't move.
"Why did anda leave?"
