1. If anda are married, and intend to renew your wedding vows, DON'T. anda will end up divorced.
2. Amnesia is very common. In fact, nearly every time anda hit your head amnesia will result. AND it's fairly simple to get rid of. Just have people:
A)Take turns hitting anda on the head again until your memory comes back
OR
B)Have them let anda wander around, confused, for a few days until it comes back on its own atau something else hits anda on the head.
3. If a friend atau member of your family introduces a cousin, aunt, uncle, sibling, etc that looks EXACTLY like them, run in the other direction. They are always EVIL.
4. Do not hire a butler, a maid, atau a nanny unless anda are willing to accept them into your family. Either anda atau a family member will end up falling in cinta with them. In the case of two atau lebih of the above living under one roof, prepare for double the cinta troubles.
5. If anda have a pet, anda don't need to train them! They will grow up to perform tricks, save people's lives, and be really really cute entirely on their own!
6. If anda have a secret, the entire world will know in just 22 short minutes. Doesn't matter if anda "tell" anyone, somehow everyone will still find out.
7. anda will dislike the company of (possibly even despise) your in-laws.
7a. anda will dislike your kid'(s) bf/gf.
7b. 9 times out of 10 they will also dislike you.
8. Twins are a really common phenomenon (both identical and fraternal). anda can have twins easily with no fertility treatments! Wow, awesome! So if anda are expecting, don't just eat for 2. Play it aman, brankas and eat for 3.
9. If anda see a pair of handcuffs, don't touch them. Just don't. The keys are always missing. But if anda do happen to touch the handcuffs, prepare yourself to wind up being attached to:
A)The sibling anda like the least
B)Someone ridiculous (i.e. hooker, stranger, etc)
C)Someone anda can't stand
D)All of the above?
This will normally last for around 24 hours.
10. Stag/Hen parties are always, always, always a BAD idea. No elaboration needed.
11. Running into your ex(s), even in a big city, is really common and will always happen when anda are with your current significant other.
11a. If your ex calls and wants to see anda DO NOT (i repeat) DO NOT agree to see them again because they will always attempt to get back together with you.
11b. Conversely, if anda attempt reconciliation they will always be with their significant other. Damn.
12. It is not only easy to meet your favorit celebrity, but appearing on their show, bernyanyi with them, atau getting them to assist anda in some hair brained scheme is also fairly simple.
13. Never buy an expensive vase, desk, lamp, piece of furniture, vest, dress, watch (ok, just don't buy anything expensive at all!) because it will somehow end up broken, lost, atau destroyed.
13a. Hint: If anda have children, they did it.
13b. If anda don't have children, it's most likely an extraneous family member causing trouble. See #7.
14. If anda intend to throw someone a surprise party atau event of some sort, they will always find out. See #6.
15. Architects, Doctors, Lawyers, TV/Radio hosts, Musicians, and Designers are all very common career choices. Hardly anyone ever becomes a Teacher, Secretary, Clerk, atau Accountant. (How boring!)
16. If anda do something terrible to a friend atau family member all anda need to do is apologize and all will be forgiven. Whether anda called your sibling a nasty name atau cheated on your spouse, they will forgive anda and life moves on. After all, that's what friends and family do! NOTE: Sometimes, multiple apologies may be necessary.
17. Beware of your neighbors. They are always annoying and generally very nosy. If anda suspect they are spying on you, it's because they probably are! They never have anything better to do with their time except come over and bother you. Better get used to it!
18. If anda have a cellar, make sure to check it on a semi-normal basis. Somehow, someone will end up stuck down there (and they'll start losing their minds almost immediately!)
19. If anda are a teenager, anda will always get the boy/girl of your dreams to fall for you. It doesn't matter if anda are the world's biggest nerd and they are the world's biggest hottie; just pursue them for a little while and everything will turn out the way anda want. (Again, this may take a little time. But don't despair, it will happen!)
20. Never eavesdrop. anda will inevitably misinterpret the overheard conversation and come to a grandiose and incorrect conclusion which will result in your embarrassment. So, if anda hear two people anda know discussing something important, resist the urge to listen in.
Note from the author: The above does not necessarily apply to animated atau "mockumentary" sitcoms (i.e. The Simpsons, The Office, Scrubs, Family Guy, Modern Family, etc.)
