We were putting up natal decorations in the living room and Latoya berkata "you know Michael; I feel really bad because no one really acknowledges how amazing anda are as a single father!" I started to blush and berkata "you're just saying that! I'm not as amazing as anda think I am; I have my faults!" She berkata "all I know is that I couldn't handle being a single parent and being as famous as anda are! I mean sure I'm famous too; but nowhere near as famous as anda are! The fact that anda can be on stage for three hours and then go back to a hotel to immediately switch your brain into daddy mode is awesome!" I berkata "yeah; but I'll be the first to admit that I can be a pushover when it comes to AJ! I'm hoping that I can learn to be stricter once I have lebih kids!" She berkata "that reminds me; before the baby is born anda should take AJ on a vacation somewhere; just so the two of anda can spend some time together before you’re too busy with the rest of the tour also." I responded "I was thinking about that yesterday! Maybe in January I will take her to disney World because she loves going there. I don't think she really gets the whole concept of having a brother. I don't think she understands that she's not going to be able to be the center of attention anymore because I'll have to membagi, split my time between the two of them I'm just going to spend as much quality time with AJ before Prince is born."
***
I am still struggling with AJ's behavior and it seems to be getting worse. I've noticed that it's lebih rage filled than it used to be. I was doing the dishes in the dapur while AJ finished her dinner. She berkata "daddy, I'm done eating." I walked over to the meja and berkata "I want anda to just eat one lebih bite and then anda can get down." Without saying a word, she pushed the plate of pasta onto the floor and looked up at me for a reaction. I berkata "that's not okay; you're going to timeout now." She completely overreacted to me putting her in the corner of the room. She took off her light up Spiderman sneakers and attempted to throw them at my head. She always cries almost to the point where she's going to start hyperventilating.
I decided to do something that I normally wouldn't do; I sat down selanjutnya to her on the floor and asked "why are anda so angry?" She berkata "I don't understand why I'm in trouble daddy." I berkata "because anda tossed your plate on the floor." I looked down at her and realized that she must've been so angry that she blacked out and didn't remember anything that had happened in the past few minutes. I let her go off into her play room to watch TV and I still sat there on the dapur floor thinking. There has to be something else going on with AJ! A normal temper tantrum isn't supposed to be like that. I have to figure out what's going on before this gets out of control!
***
I had a behavioral specialist come over to the ranch today to evaluate Alanna and I'm currently standing outside her bedroom door pacing back and forth. The specialist opened the door and he berkata "you can come in now Michael." I sat down on the dipan, sofa that's in AJ's room and the specialist berkata "I've discovered that I think she has oppositional defiance disorder. That means that she doesn't really think about things before she does them and that she will probably never respect authority figures in her life. When she gets angry she tends to forget why she's mad in the first place." I berkata "that doesn't sound like a bad issue to deal with. I'll be able to handle it!" He responded "the prognosis for her future based on statistics is that she will probably end up getting in trouble with the law a lot. It really would surprise me if anda end up being able to control her behavior. I know that you'll definitely have to be a strict father when it comes to how anda raise her because if you're not she's not going to listen to anda at all. There's one lebih thing that anda should know, I've also discovered that AJ has all the characteristics of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) I berkata "I actually thought she might have ADHD myself; so I'm not surprised to hear anda say that. She always needs to be entertained because if she isn't she gets into trouble." The specialist berkata "if anda would like to, I could prescribe Ritalin to help deal with her hyperactivity." My eyes widened in shock because I was surprised that he would even bring that up as an option.
I picked AJ up and sat her down on my lap as I berkata "there's no way I'm going to put her on Ritalin just because she's a little lebih hyper than other kids! I totally disagree with ADHD medication in every way! I've seen kids on that stuff before and all they do is walk around like unhappy zombies all day! I'm not going to do that to my daughter! She's perfectly fine just the way she is; even with a behavioral disorder and ADHD!" The specialist responded "do anda realize how difficult that's going to be Michael? Dealing with the behavioral issues is going to be hard enough for anda as it is!" I berkata arrogantly "I don't care! I can handle her; just like I have been since she's been alive! I'm going to prove to anda that AJ is going to be able to beat the national statistics for this behavioral disorder anda diagnosed her with! With my help, she will be a well behaved person who will grow up to be a successful adult in today's society! Thank anda very much for your help; my bodyguard will walk anda out to your car! Don't bother coming back here because I'm very offended oleh the fact that anda think that just because I'm Michael Jackson I won't be able to handle my daughter's unruly behavior!"
The specialist just looked at me emotionless and walked with Jeffrey out to his car. I looked at AJ and berkata "I can't believe that guy! Don't worry AJ; I won't let anda become just another statistic! You're not going to end up in jail as long as I'm around to stop that from happening! You're fine just the way anda are and so what if you're a little hyper! I wouldn't change anda for anything in this world because you're exactly who you’re supposed to be! I'm especially not going to drug anda with that type medication because then you'll just be going through the motions every single day!" She just looked up at me and I asked "you don't understand what I'm talking about at all; do you?" She just shook her head and berkata "nope." I chuckled and berkata "that's what I thought! That's okay; daddy just needed to vent I think."
***
I've been spending most of my time lately preparing for natal in a few days and celebrating holidays like this is still very new to me because I grew up a devout Jehovah's Witness. Once Debbie found out she was pregnant with AJ I decided that I would give up practicing that religion because I wanted all of my children to be able to experience the typical childhood. That was a sacrifice I was lebih than willing to make so my children can grow up as normal as possible. I hate the fact that they are anda going to unfortunately miss out on what most middle-class children experience. I'm trying my best to compensate for what the children will eventually have to face.
I was counting down the menit until AJ's naptime because I have tons of natal presents to membungkus, bungkus and I don't want her to see any of them. I went into the living room and berkata "alright AJ; time to go upstairs and watch a movie atau something until anda fall asleep." She casually berkata "but I don't want to." I smiled and berkata "I know; but anda have to." I picked her up and I could tell that she was desperately trying to stay awake to prove that she wasn't tired. I walked upstairs and put her underneath the blankets on her bed. She started her usual array of excuses; "daddy I need a drink! I'm not tired! I want to sleep downstairs!" I berkata "just take a nap and before anda know it you'll be awake again."
I'm constantly forgetting that AJ was diagnosed with ADHD and maybe asking her to take a two jam nap is unrealistic. I berkata "okay; anda can stay awake because maybe anda aren't tired after all. anda are to stay in here; do anda understand?" She berkata "yes; I'll stay in here daddy." I was far less than convinced that she would actually listen to me; but I locked my bedroom door just as a precaution; that way she would at least have to knock. As I looked at the mountain of toys and things I had purchased for her for Christmas, I realized that I had completely gone overboard this year. The crazy part is that she's probably going to get hundreds lebih presents from other family members and my famous friends. Elizabeth (Taylor) especially likes to spoil her because she is just thrilled with the fact that I decided to become a father in the first place.
I just can't wait to see Alanna's face on natal morning when she sees all these presents under the natal pohon and around the living room. After I was finished wrapping the gifts, I went into AJ's bedroom and she was sitting on the floor playing with Legos. She looked up at me and ran up to me as if she hadn't seen me in years. I picked her up and she berkata "I cinta anda so much daddy!" I berkata "I cinta anda more!" It's times like this that make me almost want to cry because everybody in my family besides my mother and Latoya complain about how AJ behaves! If only they could see what I see in my daughter! All she needs is cinta because in the end she's just a kid!
***
natal is two days away and it's so cute because AJ is beyond excited. We were downstairs decorating the kue, cookie that had just come out of the oven a few menit yang lalu and I laughed as lebih frosting ended up in AJ's mouth than on any of the cookies. I berkata "okay, okay, okay, that's enough AJ! anda don't want to make yourself sick!" I stood there in the dapur trying to wash her face off because it was covered in frosting; but I think it stained her face red temporarily.
We went into the living room and AJ started her favorit pastime of climbing all over me like a monkey. A tickle fight ensued and I heard footsteps behind us. I turned around to see mother standing there and figured that Jeffrey must've left her inside. AJ berkata "hi grandma" as she shrieked with laughter. Mother smiled from ear to ear and berkata "you're too cute!" She looked at the pohon set up in the living room and berkata "I see that you're still going to celebrate natal Michael." I berkata "it's not because I'm trying to hurt anda mother. It's just because I want Alanna to have the childhood I didn't! I'm still going to bring my children up on the same core principles; just in a different way!" I looked at AJ and berkata "tell grandma what I told anda about Christmas." She berkata "daddy told me that it's lebih important to give to a gift to a person than to get one yourself." I berkata "don't forget about the other thing that I told you." She thought about it for a detik and berkata "Jesus first, others second, and yourself last; no matter what." I berkata "see mother; celebrating natal isn't going to change who AJ is and I have to admit that I cinta seeing how happy she is on natal morning!" She berkata "that's not going to change how I feel about it; but I respect your decision Michael!" I hugged mother before Jeffrey helped her out to her car and I kissed AJ's forehead.
***
I opened my eyes and looked at the clock selanjutnya to me to see that it was 4 AM on December 25. I knew I had to wake up early so I could start setting up things downstairs before AJ wakes up. Jeffrey started moving gifts downstairs at around midnight last night and I decided it was time to bring the gifts that I had purchased for her downstairs. I walked into the walk-in closet that's in my bedroom and grabbed as many presents as I could carry. I struggled to make it down the stairs because I couldn't see where I was going. Luckily, Jeffrey was walking past the staircase and berkata "here Michael; let me help anda with that!" He grabbed the gifts out of my arms and I walked back up the steps to retrieve the rest of them.
After I had gotten the rest of the presents from my bedroom, I went downstairs to the living room and that was the first time I noticed just how many gifts there were. I definitely went overboard this tahun compared to the last few Christmases because there are at least 500 presents covering the entire living room. The natal pohon looked like it completely disappeared and Jeffrey berkata "I was down here most of the night moving presents over to the natal tree. I just woke up from a four jam nap a few menit ago." I berkata "well; thank anda for all your help Jeffrey! Enjoy the holiday with your family and I'll see anda in a few days." Jeffrey berkata "thank anda sir; I hope your family makan malam with the rest of the Jackson's goes well tonight."
When Jeffrey left, I made my way to the dapur and remembered that AJ had set out kue, cookie and susu for "Santa Claus." I wasn't hungry at all because of how early in the morning it was; but I forced myself to eat two of the three kue, cookie on the plate and drink half of the glass of milk. kue, cookie were definitely not my idea of a balanced breakfast; but of course I would do anything to keep the magic of Santa Claus alive for AJ.
I walked upstairs around 5 AM and had completely forgotten to give AJ the Spiderman pajamas I bought for her. I was supposed to give them to her last night so she would be wearing them when she woke up this morning. I grabbed the pajamas out of my bedroom and had to figure out if I could manage to dress her in them without waking her up. As I walked into her bedroom, she was sprawled out almost to the point where she was falling out of bed. Every time she would move, I got worried that she would wake up; but I was able to get her dressed without a problem.
I waited downstairs listening to natal musik anticipating AJ waking up. A few hours later, I heard noises coming from upstairs and went to check on AJ. I walked into her room and laughed as her hair was sticking up in all different directions. She didn't notice me at first; but then I berkata "Merry Christmas" and she ran into my arms. She asked "did Santa Claus come?" I berkata "I don't know; anda have to go see! Didn't anda have 'Toy story’ pajamas on last night?" She looked down at her pajamas and berkata "whoa; Spiderman!" I smiled and berkata "let's go downstairs!"
She ran downstairs and I pulled my camera out of my pocket just fast enough to get a picture of her reaction to all the natal presents. I chuckled as she stood there speechless staring at the Spiderman bike that was in the center of all the wrapped presents. I put her on the bike and her legs were too short to reach the pedals. I berkata "that's all right; I'll just fix them later." She got off the bike and immediately wanted to start ripping into the gifts; but I berkata "let's go see if Santa ate the kue, cookie anda left for him last night first!"
AJ ran into the dapur and looked at the plate with the half eaten cookie on it. I berkata "there's a letter from Santa! Let me read it." I grabbed a letter and read aloud "thank anda for the kue, cookie and milk. I hope you're listening to your daddy. I have lots of house to go to; so this letter can't be very long. I hope anda like your bike and I'm looking meneruskan, ke depan to bringing presents for anda and your brother Prince selanjutnya year. Sincerely, Santa Claus and the reindeer." AJ jumped with excitement and I berkata "okay; let's go open some gifts!"
We sat down on the dipan, sofa and I grabbed a stack of presents from the gigantic pile that covered our entire living room. I passed her one of them and she ripped it open. Spiderman after Spiderman gifts piled up like a mountain selanjutnya to her! Everything from Spiderman T-shirts to Spiderman bedding covered her side of the couch. I must've purchased every single Spiderman action figure from the new line of toys that just came out a few months ago! Some of things I bought I had totally forgotten about and it surprised me that I went so far as to buy Spiderman socks and toothpaste.
When all of the presents I had gotten for AJ had been opened, I berkata "okay; we have to wait a while until we can open the rest of the gifts because those are from friends and family. We have to wait until they get here later for dinner. AJ berkata "okay; will anda open this stuff for me daddy; please?" I berkata "of course I can! Did anda like everything that I bought you?" She berkata "yeah; especially because anda didn't buy me girl clothes and stuff this year!" I chuckled and berkata "yeah; I'm just happy that you'll play with the stuff that I bought anda this year! I bought anda a whole bunch of princess toys last tahun and anda never even wanted me to take them out of the box!"
I spent over an jam struggling to get some of the large action figures out of the packaging. I don't understand why they make the packaging "daddy proof!" It's so difficult to get anything out of the box because they use tape, wires, and everything else anda could think of to make it almost impossible for anyone to get out. Let me tell anda that me trying to get these toys out of their boxes for my daughter who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder was quite an event! Every 30 detik I would hear "hurry up daddy! You're a slow poke!" I laughed and berkata "hang on Alanna! I'm trying, I'm trying!"
A couple hours later, there was a knock at the door and I went to go answer it. It was a huge group of people; which included Janet, rebbie, Randy, Jackie, Jermaine, Tito, Marlon, Latoya, my manager Frank, and Elizabeth Taylor, I berkata "Merry natal everyone; thank anda for coming!" I went into the living room and AJ was clearly irritated with me for taking her away from the toys that I finally was able to get open so she could greet all the guests that had just arrived. Once she saw that Elizabeth was there, she practically jumped out of my arms and into hers. Elizabeth hugged AJ tightly in her arms and berkata "Merry natal sweetheart!" I cinta seeing AJ with Elizabeth because she was the one who convinced me to pursue becoming a father in the first place.
Elizabeth hugged me and looked around the living room as she berkata "well; this is definitely quite the improvement from the first natal anda celebrated with me here back in 1993 Michael! I remember anda locked yourself in your bedroom and cried for hours because anda felt terrible for celebrating Christmas!" I berkata "it makes it easier now that I'm a daddy!" AJ berkata "Aunt Liz; daddy got me a lot of Spiderman stuff!" Elizabeth responded "he did? I like your pajamas!" AJ berkata "thank you" and reached out for me to grab her from Elizabeth's arms.
As all of us sat there eating dinner, Janet asked "how come AJ has a boy haircut Michael?" I responded "that's what she wanted her hair to look like." She asked "why are there so many Spiderman things all over the living room?" I berkata "oh; that's all of AJ's natal presents that I bought her this year." She asked "where's all the berwarna merah muda, merah muda and Princess stuff Michael?" I berkata "AJ hates girly things!" Janet berkata "you shouldn't buy her boy things Michael!" I cleared my throat and asked "why?" She berkata "because girls are supposed to like feminine things like bunga and barbie dolls!" I berkata "I used to get her girls toys; but she would never play with them! I'm not going to force her to play with stereotypical female toys because she doesn't like them! Who cares if she's a tomboy? She's my child and I cinta her just the way she is!"
After everyone had left, I looked around for AJ and checked in the living room. She had fallen asleep on the floor with a Spiderman action figure in her hand. I picked her up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. I covered her up at the blankets and her eyes slightly opened. She berkata "thank anda for my presents daddy!" I smiled and berkata "you're welcome AJ!" She lightly pecked my lips and I berkata "I cinta anda AJ; Merry Christmas!" I shut off the light and went downstairs to conquer a huge mess of gift membungkus, bungkus and bowties that now covered my living room floor.
***
I rubbed sunscreen onto AJ's shoulders and berkata "okay; we can go swimming now!" She didn't seem as excited as she normally would be about going in the swimming pool. I was surprised that she didn't immediately get into the pool and she looked distracted. She had been akting like that all morning and I couldn't get a straight answer out of her. I jumped out of the pool and sat selanjutnya to her on the ground as I asked "what's wrong AJ? Don't anda want to go in the pool? She paused for a detik and hesitated pausing once again. She had a worried expression on her face which only made me wonder lebih what could possibly be going on. She looked at me and I asked "what's wrong AJ?" She whispered "I want to go swimming; but can I go potty first?"
It took me a menit to process what she had just asked me because I have been waiting to hear those words for such a long time now! I picked her up and berkata "you don't have to ask me that AJ!" I ran for the nearest bathroom and she started crying. I was completely caught off guard oleh that because all the other times I had brought her in here she never cried! I asked "why are anda crying?" She bolted out of the bathroom and I ran after her. She continuously cried all the way upstairs to her bedroom and I followed behind her. I sat down on the edge of the tempat tidur as she cried into her pillow. I was so confused and didn't know what caused her to cry. I picked her up and sat her on my lap as I asked "please tell me what's wrong?" She didn't say a thing; so I decided to guess. I asked "are anda scared?" She shook her head no and continued to cry.
I could tell that she really did have to go desperately at this point; but the conversation was going nowhere. I berkata "you know anda can tell me anything AJ!" She sobbed and berkata "I want to stay your baby forever daddy!" She must've overheard me talking to mother a couple of weeks yang lalu about how hard it is on me to let AJ grow up! I berkata "AJ; you'll always be my baby! anda going pee in the potty isn't going to change that!" I stood up with her in my arms and berkata "come on; I want anda to go try."
She started hyperventilating and I felt awful because it feels like I caused this. Once we got into the bathroom, she protested "I'm not going to go!" I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and berkata "it's okay AJ!" I realized that she wasn't going down without a fight and my jantung hurt for her as she just cried to the point of almost making herself sick. I had to think of something to distract her because if I didn't I would've started crying too!
I thought about it for a detik and started making funny faces at her. I stuck my tongue out, menyeberang, salib my eyes, and anything else I could think of. She started to laugh and I smiled; but the detik I stopped making faces at her she started crying again. As I was running out of faces to make, she berkata "oh no" and started crying again. That's when I realized that my idea of creating a distraction had worked. I berkata "yay AJ; don't cry!" She berkata "daddy; I didn't want to go!" I picked her up and berkata "it's no big deal AJ! anda don't have to cry about it anymore because it's done with! She continued to cry; no matter how much I praised her.
I walked into the dapur and we went outside to the swimming pool and AJ was STILL uncontrollably crying into my shoulder. I berkata "it's okay AJ; all anda did was pee in the potty!" I put her down on the ground and ran over to the cotton permen vendor a few feet away. I came back and knelt down selanjutnya to her as she sobbed into the grass. I berkata "AJ; look what I have!" She looked up and her eyes widened at the site of the huge blue cotton permen stick in front of her. It was killing me inside just knowing how much sugar was inside that cotton permen because I don't like it when she eats a lot of sugar! I just couldn't handle listening to her cry anymore!
As she reached for it, I asked "are anda going to stop crying and make sure there's not going to be a lot lebih accidents from now on?" She berkata "I promise daddy!" I passed it to her and scooped her up into my arms. I berkata "I'm so proud of anda AJ! I don't know why anda were so upset! I want anda to know that you'll always be daddy's baby girl; no matter what!" I never thought this would be as difficult as it has been! I hope I didn't bite off lebih than I can chew oleh adding another baby on puncak, atas of AJ and her behavioral issues! I'm glad I don't have to deal with what I just had to deal with for at least a few lebih years after Prince is born!"
***
The phone rang and I heard Debbie's voice on the other end say "Michael; my water just broke!"
TO BE CONTINUED :-)
