Season 9 Episode 24 Script 

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Titre FR : Celui qui allait � la Barbade - Partie 2

Écrit par Marta Kauffman et David Crane Réalisé par Kevin S. Bright

Fiche d�taill�e et photos - Titres Saison 9 - Résumé de l\'épisode - Script en français

[Scene: The restaurant. Chandler and Monica are sitting at a table]

Monica: I can�t believe she�s gonna say yes to David. She�s clearly in love with Mike.

Chandler: You know, it�s very hard to take you seriously when you look like that.

(David and Phoebe sit down at a table close to Chandler and Monica�s)

David: Uh, Phoebe, uh, I have... something I wanna say.

Monica: Oh my God, he�s gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this, let�s go.

Chandler: I think we have some time. Have you ever heard him talk? (doing David) "Uh, Phoebe, uh, I would be honoured, uh..." Spit it out, David!

David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you�re an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn�t help!

David: But well, now that we�re together again, I don�t ever want to be apart. So, to that end...

(David produces the ring. At the same time, Mike walks in, behind David)

Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!

Phoebe: What are you, what are you doing here?

David: I have a question I was kinda gonna ask her myself.

Mike: Yeah, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this.

David: (annoyed) Ok, would you care for my seat as well?

David: That�s fair, you�ve had a long trip. (he leaves his seat to Mike, and stands there looking for a chair. He finally goes to Monica and Chandler�s table)

Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.

David: Kinda stepped on the toes of what I was going to say.

Mike: Sorry David, but she really has to know this.

David: Alright, but after this I want to see you outside. If the rain stops.

Mike: You�re the most incredible woman I�ve ever met. How can I lose you? (Phoebe looks very flattered) Now, I don�t actually have a ring...

Chandler: I wouldn�t brag too much about that thing, big guy.

Phoebe: (smiles at him happily for a few seconds before answering) No!

Phoebe: I love you. But I never needed a proposal from you. I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere, you know, that we had a future.

(they hold their hands, gazing at each other)

Phoebe: Yeah, I might have said yes, but that would have been wrong.

David: Please, you don�t have to explain. I mean, perhaps if I hadn�t gone to Minsk things would have worked out for us. And I wouldn�t have ruined my career, or lost that toe to frostbite. It was a good trip! (he leaves)

[Scene: Monica and Chandler�s room. Monica and Chandler are in bed.]

Chandler: Oh, ain�t this nice? It�s so quiet, I could just lie here all day.

Rachel: (walking in hurriedly) Open your drapes! Open your drapes!

Monica: Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I�ll get the magazines and the lotion.

Ross: (from across the wall) Walls are pretty thin, guys!

[Scene: Conference room. Ross is making his keynote speech]

Ross: Then we have to await the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing which call into question information gathered from years of simple carbon dating.

Rachel: Look at that woman sitting by the pool getting tan... so leathery and wrinkled, I�m so jealous!

Ross: Finally, factoring the profusion of new species recently discovered: Gigantosaurus, Argentinasaurus...

Chandler: (to a paleontologist sitting next to him) Not to mention the cold sores.

Ross: And that�s just the herbivores. I�m not even gonna discuss the carnivores, their heads are already too big. Which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.

Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...

Ross: ... and while there are certainly vast differences between these Mesozoic fossiles and the example of Homo erectus...

Ross: (concluding his speech)... in a very real way we can bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century. (pauses) Thank you!

(Everybody stands up and applauds. Ross looks flattered and surprised. His friends and other members of the audience go to congratulate him)

Man with a bow tie: (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!

Man with a bow tie: Jarvis Oberblau, Cornell. (sighs) I mean, the ideas you put forth and, and from someone... so... young... and... (sighs again and smiles at Ross blissfully).

Ross: (with a frozen smile on his face, realizing something�s wrong with Jarvis) Ok... now... now we�re just holding hands! (pulls his hand away)

Rachel: All right! Well, uh... (to Monica) we�re gonna hit the beach?

Rachel: (to Ross, in a flattering tone) It was really... great!

(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)

Ross: (puzzled) Ok!... All right, thanks! Thank you so much, you guys! (to Phoebe) Oh, I can�t tell you how much it means to me that you were here!

Mike: (popping by, smiling) You�re kidding, we wouldn�t have missed it!

Ross: (skating over, embarrassed) Ok!... Uh... excuse me? Yeah?

Phoebe & Mike: Yeah! (they leave)

(Ross goes towards Charlie, who�s conversing with a fellow paleontologist, and touches her shoulder to get her attention)

Ross: Hey! (she turns to him) Well...? (in expectation)

Ross: Oh, I can�t tell you how great it was to look at the crowd and see your face! I mean... uh, did you know you were (giggles) mouthing the words along with me?

Ross: No, it�s ok! Made me feel like a rock star!

Ross: (joking) I�d better not found you naked in my hotel room!

(Ross giggles, but Charlie isn�t amused at all.)

Ross: (realizing his joke wasn�t so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!

[Scene: the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.]

Monica: (her hair bigger then before) I can�t believe it�s raining again! Oh, it�s so unfair!!!

(They approach the buffet, where a couple of paleontologists are sipping their drinks)

Phoebe: Well, on the bright side, now you won�t have to see all these paleontologists with their shirts off. (Grabs a drink and notices that the two men are upset) Not you guys. You got it going on!

(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)

Mike: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.

Monica: (pleasantly surprised) Ping pong? (to Chandler) Honey, they have ping pong! Let�s play!

Chandler: Because you know how competitive you get and well, I say it�s cute, others disagree, and I�m lying!

Chandler: Oh, yeah? What happened when we played last time?

(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)

(Joey is sitting in an armchair and wearing a diving mask. He pulls out a grape from a bunch of fake grapes on the coffee table, puts it on the snorkel�s breathing tube and blows it out, then giggles to himself)

Joey: Hey! (stands up) As soon as it stops raining we have got to go snorkeling! Some kid told me about the sea turtle and, if you blow bubbles in its face, it chases ya! (smiles ecstatic)

Charlie: I�m sorry, I can�t! I�m running a discussion group all afternoon.

Joey: (disappointed) Oh... oh, but that�s ok, I�ll find someone else to do it... I�ll do it alone, but... I don�t know what happens if the sea turtle catches you...

Charlie: You know... I feel so bad! I haven�t seen you this whole trip and (pauses) especially last night...

Joey: (interrupting her) Hey! Don�t worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross�s speech... (pulls a face)

Joey: (bewildered) Oh! Oh, well! At least we�re both having fun!

Charlie: ... is it weird that it�s not with each other?

Charlie: (sitting down on the bed) I think we need to talk...!

Joey: Yeah... I think we do... (sighs, with folded arms)... about what?

[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]

Phoebe: All right, all right... I�ll play if we don�t keep score!

Monica: So, we�re just four losers... SUPER!

Phoebe: Mike, you don�t know, you don�t know what you�re doing!

Chandler: She gets crazy! This scar (points to his forehead) is from Pictionary!

Mike: (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?

(Monica and Mike start to play ping pong. Mike scores)

Chandler: (nearly whispering) Oh dear God, there�s two of them!

Chandler: (to Phoebe) Did you know this about him?

Phoebe: No idea! I though he was soft like you!

Monica: (going through her pockets) No... (to Chandler and Phoebe) Either of you girls got a quarter?

Chandler: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!

Phoebe: (picks up a coin from her bra) Monica, you call it.

Mike: Oh, no! I don�t think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.

[Scene: Rachel�s hotel room. She is watching the Weather Channel on TV.]

Alexandra Steele: (meteorologist) (pointing to the East Coast)... all these coasts having beautiful weather. In New York, it�s 72 and sunny!

Rachel: It�s open! (Joey walks in) Hi, Joe!

Joey: Oh well, she said we have nothing in common.

Joey: No, it�s not, we have nothing in common!

Joey: I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!

(He punches her on her shoulder mockingly, then goes and sits down on her bed)

Joey: I feel so stupid, you know? Why... why do I keep going after the wrong girls?

Rachel: W-What are you, what are you talking about?

Joey: Oh, c�mon, I mean, there�s you, then there�s Charlie, and it�s like... (sighs) What the hell is my problem? OH! (He falls back on the bed)

Rachel: Ok... uh... maybe you�re not always going after the wrong girl...

Joey: (sitting up again) I�m telling you, Rach, Charlie is not right for me!

Joey: But then who? The waitress I went out with last month? (gives her a meaningful look)

Joey: (stands up) No-no-no-no, no! Who, who were you talking about?

Rachel: No, I-I-I-I don�t, I actually don�t know who I�m talking about! So!

Joey: Ok! All right, well... I�m gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I�ll... I�ll see you later!

(Joey walks out, while Rachel is pensive. Once he�s out of her room, he suddenly realizes who she was talking about and goes back in. He looks at her in disbelief and she looks like she was caught red-handed)

[Scene: Rachel�s hotel room. Joey is standing at the door, facing Rachel]

Rachel: (nearly whispering) Ok, let�s not make a big thing about this!

Rachel: Not working with me, Joe! Here�s the thing: lately I have been having thoughts (pauses) musings, if you will!

Rachel: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! (Joey goes to sit on the bed) Listen, ok, and maybe they�re crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I�ve been thinking about... you know, us! (looks at Joey, who�s totally distraught) Ok, dial it up a little!

Rachel: I don�t know, I�m not trying to do anything, it�s just, we have such a good time when we�re together, you know... I mean, aren�t you just a... little curious... (insinuating) what that would be like?...

Joey: Uh, am I curious? I mean, I am as curious as... as... George!!

Joey: CURIOUS GEORGE! You know, the monkey, and the guy with the yellow hat!

Rachel: Yeah, he did! (smiling) Oh, see, this is what I�m talking about!

Joey: No, I know, yeah I know we�re great but Rach no... this... this can�t happen!

Rachel: But can it... just... happen a little bit?

Joey: (charmed, but then recoiling) NO, NO! It can�t happen at all!

Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn�t do it to Ross!

Rachel: But that wasn�t gonna stop you before!

Joey: I know, I know! But I�ve thought about it a lot since, and it just wouldn�t be right... (painfully) I�m sorry...!

Rachel: (regretful) I�m sorry, too! (they look at each other sadly, then she recollects, and puts her hands over her eyes) OH GOD! I shouldn�t have said anything!

Joey: NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! Hey! Hey, we�ll be fine! Li... hey, like you said: no big deal!

(They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)

(Joey hurriedly stands up, arms akimbo, gives her an embarrassed look and walks away)

[Scene: the hotel game room. Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong]

Monica: Ooh! I�m sorry! I think, I THINK, that may have missed the table!

Chandler: (to Phoebe) Do you really find this attractive on him?

Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you�re not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?

(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)

Chandler: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I�ve felt like the more attractive one.

Phoebe: C�mon Mike, you can beat her! Knock that dog off her head!

Phoebe: (pointing at Mike and shouting) I sleep with him!

Monica: (threatening) Don�t get too cocky! Remember I won the last one! Oh, by the way, how did that feel, losing to a girl?

Mike: You know, you should really look in a mirror before you call yourself that.

(they continue to play ping pong and then Mike scores, winning the game)

Mike: And that�s how it�s done! (Phoebe kisses him)

Chandler: Okay-dokay, you�ve each won a game and I�ve lost what�s felt like a year of my life. So everybody goes home a winner.

Chandler: Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?

Mike: (doing Monica and mumbling): Serve the ball, chump.

Phoebe: (to Mike) Ok Mike, better come back Mike, better come back.

[Scene: hotel�s bar, Ross and Mr. Oberblau are talking]

Mr. Oberblau: I�m just saying, I have a cabin in the Adirondacks. If you ever want to get away from the city, well, that�d be (pause) just nifty!

Ross: Ooh, well. Ah, I kinda have got a lot on my plate right now, not that I wouldn�t love a weekend in the country with a strange man. (Mr. Oberblau giggles)

Mr. Oberblau: (seeing her) Oh, you�re back... (to Ross) this is my wife, Nancy.

Ross: Yes, please! (they move and sit down on a sofa) So, what�s going on?

Charlie: Joey is a great guy, but we�re just... so different! I mean, during your speech he kept laughing at homo erectus!

Charlie: Anyway I just, uh, I think it�s for the best.

Charlie: I guess. There was um... (she breathes deeply) there was another reason that I thought it was time to end it with Joey. I started to realize that I was having feelings for someone (pause) else.

Paleontologist: (merrily) Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.

Ross: Oh, professor Clerk we�re kind of in the middle of a conversation, here.

Charlie: Yeah, can you guys just throw him in the pool later?

Professore Clerk: Or we could throw you both in now!

Ross: (standing) Ok, gentlemen! Please! Aren�t we a little old for this? I mean, we�re scientists, right? We�re academics. And most importantly I... you-you will have to catch us first. (he starts to run away with Charlie). GO, GO, GO! (the paleontologists starts chasing them)

[Scene: game room, Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong]

(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)

Monica: No, I have just to have two more points to beat him!

Chandler: Monica, that was also true an hour ago! I mean, please, look at you! Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Ok, you�ve already proven you are just as good as he is, now we�ve missed our dinner reservations, so now let�s just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower and shave your head!

Monica: I can�t just walk away! I�ve put in four hours!

Monica: Look! You knew this about me when you married me! You agreed to take me in sickness and in health. Well, this is my sickness!

(they start playing again; suddenly Monica hits the table with her hand)

Monica: (in pain) Aww! (she holds her hand, moaning like she�s biting back a scream)

Monica: No, no, no. Honey, I�m ok. Shake it off! (she shakes the wrist and it�s more painful) Oh, no! No shaking, no shaking! Ooh! Ooh! (pause) Oh my God! I can�t play!

Mike: Oh, that�s ok. I don�t care which of them I beat.

Phoebe: Ok, we�re taking that paddle home, mister.

Monica: (to Chandler) Honey, you don�t have to do this.

Chandler: (In a loving voice) Yes, I do. Now, I may not understand why you have to win so badly, but if it�s important to you then it�s important to me, because I love you.

Chandler: (Still in a loving voice) You�re welcome, sweetheart.

Chandler: All right Mike, let�s get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.

(They start playing and Chandler does not suck at all)

Monica: (to Chandler) Oh my God. That was so amazing! When did you (pause) Hold on! I almost forgot (she turns to Mike) loser! (back to Chandler) When did you stop sucking?

Chandler: I never sucked, I actually didn�t want you to know how good I was!

Monica: This is so great! Now we can enter into doubles tournaments!

[Scene: Hotel�s bar. Ross is running to Charlie trying not to be seen with two cocktails in his hands. She�s hidden behind a huge plant]

Ross: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.

(Three paleontologists walk by and Ross hugs Charlie trying not to be seen)

(They realize that they are hugging closely and he draws back)

Charlie: Um, so, I started to say you something earlier, um... (pause) There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.

Ross: I think I know too but I�ve been really wrong about this stuff in the past, so...

(Charlie kisses Ross, they stop for a moment and then he kisses her back)

Ross: I mean, you just went out with my best friend, and I just think it�d be a really really bad idea. (pause) Or-or not! (they kiss passionately)

(Joey walks in and sees Ross and Charlie kissing. He gives a faint, rueful smile, then he seems to recollect something and suddenly he moves back to Rachel�s room. He knocks on her door and she opens)

(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera�s "face". And that�s the end of the ninth season.)

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