I lost a bet...

hey anda guys... I am uhm. Not going to be online for awhile : but while i have the time to... I really need to let some shit out. And also apologise for never ever 'being here'... I guess anda were right, i never really am here when anda really need me and I am a terrible friend. Trust me. I hate myself for that too.

This morning before my parents left for a baseball game. I had to look in the mirror. I ussually dont because i really have gotten to where i cant stand mirrors. They make me kind of sick. But as I was looking i really thought a bit too long and a bit too hard. Yeah i have brown...

“If a clock could count down to the moment anda meet your soul mate, would anda want to know?”
The rain beaded off the puncak, atas of the building as it picked up from a soft drizzle to a hard downpour.
“I cinta the rain.” berkata a sweet calm voice from a old women in a hospital bed, she was hooked up to the machines selanjutnya to her. She looked like worn down paper that had been used to many times, her hair was white and thin and there was little of it, and the light in her grey green eyes almost gone. The was many people sitting around in the the small white room, they all looked sad and tired like...

Sometimes i wonder if people even care about me? atau if they should care? Because honestly i think im going mad. I think everythings getting to my head and the voices, they never stop anymore...and they're louder to..really bad things..

I also wonder why people care about me? I mean i really am a lost hope...i cant save anyone anymore because i can barely aman, brankas myself..Everythings getting bad..real bad..

I also wonder if my family notices i havent been eating? Because i havent been eating and ive been skiping meals and counting calories. I wonder if they see that i really hate myself and eveything...

hey Guys, It's me , Ellen.
And here, this is where I feel like I am family.
I feel like I don't ever belong. But when I'm with anda guys, It's like I'm... Welcome.
I think I am hideous but my friends say otherwise.
I may be the one that tries to cheer everyone up at school but I have my own problems too.
I am going through a really tough time right know and it is a struggle to be OKAY. I am sorry about complaining about my problems like this but it just makes me feel better to tell anda guys. I need to tell anda guys something very important. I may not be the most depressed person but i sure as...

how it feels

Eating disorders are diseases of silence. We are all silently screaming for something: attention, love, help, escape atau forgiveness. Although we might be looking to fill different voids, we never ask for the things we need. We feel unworthy, that for some reason we don’t deserve them. So, we play the game of guess what I need from you. You’re inability to guess just feeds our feelings of worthlessness.

When anda finally realize there is a problem, it is much too late. We will now fight, lie, and cheat to hold on to the one thing that has diberikan us support. anda see the symptoms,...