I'm so tired f being depressed. I didn't know why it started at first. In Ninth grade I started having this constant feeling inside and I didn't know what it was but, now I do. I have since 10th grade started. Life is so hard when you've been diagnosed with seve deepression and anda already knew anda have it. It's hard when people accuse anda of doing atau being something your not. It's hard when people judge anda silently from afar atau straight to your face. I don't cut bullshit like this though. When petty jerks give yoou ahard time just ignore them, I've learned that. I was bullied for 7 and a half years straight and it was BAD. And, now I'm insecure and give myself a hard time. I'm constantly beating myself up about my art, my body, my face, my hair, my grades, my idiocy, and just everything. I'm trying to get better I really am and if anything musik helps me escape from reality. That's why I constantly have earbuds in my ears atau wearing headphones. I can connect to the musik that I lisen to like 'When she cries' atau 'Welcome to my life'. The daftar is endless but, the thing is that so is my pain. No matter how hard I try it always come back. I can go a week and a half without being depressed and then it comes crashing back in like an unwanted guest. Forgive me for ranting but, I need to get this off my ches. I'm so glad that I can finally cry and release all the pain. I've been bottling it up for too long. The friends surrounding me either do atau don't know about this. Some know I'm depressed some don't. But, either way only one comforts me and I don't see her often. My great-grandmother thinks I do it for attention and my mom has too many problems of her own so, I don't bother her about it.The thing is, is that I just need to get this out. My chest can't take it anymore and neither can I myself in whole. It feels nice to get it all out. Like, the fact that i used to be anorexic as well... twice that is I was in 7th grade for a short while and then I also was in detik semester of 10th grade. My best friend tried to make me at and my other friends were concerned as well. At least the ones that knew. My other best friend still doesn't know I was. Anyways, there are somethings that I am ashamed of. I'm just so gld to get this off my chest and for anyone else suffering with depression atau any other disorders atau problems, stay strong. anda ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE. Don't let anyone get to anda including yourself. Be brave. Be strong. And remember to keep on living. anda are woth it and NOBODY deserves to go through the shit I have. Bullying, abuse, threats, none of that. Also, if anda have severe anxiety disorder like me atau are just stressed in general. Keep staying strong and don't give into the stress. If your insecure like me look in the mirror and look at yourself flaws and all and say "This is me and I cinta myself." even if anda don't think so because, trust me when I say "You are perfect just the way anda are." If anda are gay, bi, trans atau anything else like that and anda still haven't come out. Stay strong and know anda are PERFECT just the way anda are. anda are a human being just like everyone else and, no matter how much hate people give anda embrace yourself and be proud of who anda are. I am bi and I am proud. Also, for the bi people who are being told "Your either gay atau straight. anda can't like both." Don't listen to that bullshit. They don't know how anda feel. Don't let them get to you. To the gay people who are being told,"You chose this and your going to burn in hell." Don't listen to them. For ANYONE going through this atau any other bullshit. Remember anda are better than the ones judging anda and that anda are BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT just the way anda are. I hope that I helped someone oleh saying that and I've realized that I WILL BE OKAY after this dark tunnel in life that I'm going through. I just want it to all be over soon. The pain that is. I'm tired of hating myself and feeling so alone. But, I'll make it and so will you.
Stay true to who anda are. Peace out <3<3<3
Stay true to who anda are. Peace out <3<3<3
I feel like being both, but I feel like it's wrong to be both. everything with me is either one atau the other.
On one hand,I feel like pushing people aside.Mostly because they annoy me,but also because I feel better when I'm alone. One the other hand,I feel like talking to everyone with joyfulness.
I feel like the whole world is frowning upon me.
But yet I feel like smiling and that I can do anything without being ashamed. Every time I do this though,it turns to be something to be ashamed about and just wanting to keep my happiness inside and to never tampil it again.
Feeling like crawling inside a hole.
Feeling sorrow,guilt,embarrassment,happiness,unstoppable,trapped,and furious all at the same time. It's driving me crazy!
Feeling like no one can save me from the depths of my disgrace.
All of my warna have turned gray since the first hari I felt this way.
I know there's people who cinta me and couldn't live without me,but that doesn't change the fact that I want to disappear. Because all I ever do is make mistakes.
Making the wrong pindah at the wrong time is what I do. For there isn't room for people like me.
I don't want to feel any emotion. Not even cinta for I fear there is still a gaping hole inside of me that I can't seem to fill.
Feeling detached from everything is the only way I can put how I really feel. Everything just seems so far out of reach. I want to be one of those people who feel complete but it seems impossible.
I am so weak because the only thing keeping me alive is my fear of pain.
Not many people can say, when they smile, they mean it. I've finally lost it all, my parents dead, sister commit suicide to get away from me, noone talks to me. I sit alone in a dark house listening to one song every hari seven days a week fife our four weeks a month, twelve months a year. Every night i cry my self to sleep. I..have officialy lost all of my sanity. so today, with no sanity, i've decided to commit suicide so goodbye every one, i hope your better off without me.. link
