I’m quiet on the outside
An all-wrecking, raging storm on the inside
I can’t speak,
Because I fear I can only produce inhuman cries
But my inner screams overwhelm any external sound
I don't blame anda for not seeing behind my hollow eyes
I don't blame anda for not hearing anything but silence
And I don't blame anda for not feeling my jantung breaking in my chest, over and over again
But I wish anda would just hold me, and tell me I'll be okay.
That somehow, this all-consuming pain is not going to kill me.
That I will come out of this, stronger.
I wish I could distance myself from this destruction,
But I belong in the center of the hurricane
Because I need this pain, like I need oxygen
So, let my ravel in my agony,
Without it I am nothing

Chapter 1:The begaining

It started with the fighting,the endless fighting.It was mid Febuary 2001 when a couple with a small boy and another child on the way,split.They had been aurguing for hours on end and the husband,Jason,decided to leave and live with a friend for a while.While the wife,Sandra,cried and wept to no avail Jason left.Jason had contracted pnemonia and was placed in a hospital only days after his fight with Sandra.Sandra was also in the hospital but for a different reason,she had diberikan birth to a girl named Emily.And that was the begaining of Emily's life,a life full of sadness and missery that will come to a halt and be cut short oleh the evil hands of fate and the mind.

A silhouette standing alone,
Amongst a field of arid snow,
Waiting for something still unknown,
Not any further from the tombstone.

Awaiting a sign of life and hope,
Letting out a deep sigh,
“It’s not getting any easier to cope”
A whisper carried oleh the wind.

The stars: my aspirations,
But city lights in the distance,
Taunted it from their foundations,
Caustic lights ending its existence.

An unattached shadow standing in solitude,
Amongst a field of caustic cold,
Tired of waiting, wanting to end,
I was everything untold.

tell me why do anda pretend
to let the agonizing memories
of your damaged past let anda
be the person that anda are
now,

please let your body,
mind, heart, soul,and
feelings escape the
tragic night-mares and
feel my: "etreindre de'
amour" around anda for-
ever.

my etreindre de' amour
is what i can offer to you,
through this time that you
will feel from me.

will anda feel my ever-
lasting touch of cinta as
anda grieve over the lost
memories and moments
that anda never gotten back.

let me take your
emphasized wounds
and give them to the
crumbling world that
never lets anda feel the
cinta that anda need to
feel in your life now.

but anda look for my
casual-words that will
give anda strength that
anda need to go on with
your life.

your endless obession
for living this lie trying
to get past this pain, that
will forever remains inside
your soul now.

My anger came that day,
i tried to stay calm through
it all but my emotions just
gave way without me telling
them too.

She saw my frustration
taking shape and took
me in her loving arms
and told me it would be
okay.

I knew that my personal
emotions would show,that
i would pretend not to be
upset, and playing them
off as casual-words and not
the hurtful words as to what
they sounded to me.

I wanted to barricade
myself inside my head
and listen to those supposed
hurtful words that were being
berkata about me,

The thoughts that raced
through my mind were not
the words that i heard coming out
of his mouth that day,

All i can say to anda is
that i accused him of
being wrong and that
was unfair for me to do,

I look out my window the rains pouring down
I can't seem to turn this frown upside down
anda moved far out of town
Now I have no one around

I used to cinta anda
Sadly anda don't cinta me too
Pain and agony runs through me
So much anda can see

But not you, anda only look for my happiness
but I'm out and in distress
anda want the green fresh from the press
I just want to be better than the rest

Attention is what I want
But all anda give is a load of taunt
Are anda ready for love
Not really, so I'll get a dove

A dove's the bird of passion and feelings
But anda left me to rot like a banana's peelings
Sweet lover, I miss anda
Do anda miss me too?

Sweet Lover, give me your all
Don't let it fall
Give me a call
I get nothing at all

Sweet love, Goodbye
I will cinta anda always *sigh*


Signed,

Your Sweet Lover

My jantung is filled with sorrow and pain
anda hurt me for your own gain
But I'm moving on to greater things
No matter how much your words sting


I'll always cinta anda
But why couldn't anda say I cinta anda too
Keep moving is what I tell myself
Crying my eyes out all oleh myself


I'm gone for good not coming back
Go in the closet my clothes are off the rack
My pain goes with me wherever I go
I wanna go back but my jantung says no


Tell me do miss me
Probably not because your searching for your key
Don't anda miss having me around
If not then but now too late I'm out of town

Sometimes I don't understand
I disconnect my jantung and my head

why
why things happen to the people they happen to
why people hurt other people
why we, he, she got hurt
why anda hurt me the way-
pardon me-the ways anda did
no twelve tahun old should be hurt and treated the way I was
no one should be hurt and treated the way I was
and I know I danced around the truth
and I know I covered up your tracks
your lyin', cheatin', abusin' ass

anda hurt me
but, as they say,
pain demands to be felt