Dear The-One-I’m-Glad-I-Never-Kept

I smile now, not like before. It seems like after anda had hurt me, I got over anda pretty quick, I guess I never really loved anda and anda were a waste of my time, and when anda left I think part of me was relieved, I wasted my time crying, I guess I was blind.

That smile there, on my face, he put it there. Remember those three months anda had put me down, made me cry, and I was still stupid enough to stay? He re-wrote that in two, he replaced my permanent frown, with a smile.

Do anda remember that hari I was crying, and I had went to anda with support? Today I still wish I hadn’t, anda had laughed and told me not to be such a baby, that I was being silly. And remember how later that night, when we had had our first fight, and anda had called me a good for nothing ugly menggerutu, jalang who was a waste of time and space, and I was only good for making excellent sandwiches? Remember how I had ran away crying? It was him, my friend, I ran to, who had wiped my tears away with his kemeja sleeve and told me everything was going to be okay, and asked me what had happened. When I told him he was shocked, and told me that I was lebih amazing then I could ever know, and anda were a fucking idiot, and to never believe anything different anyone else told me.

Remember how anda had diberikan me your sweater, and I had been so happy? I realize now, that two hours before one of your friends were hitting on me when anda had walked in, and got all tense, and anda were claiming your territory, anda might as well have pissed on me. I realize now that the sweater didn’t feel of warmth and care, but cold, hard, possessiveness. Today he gave me his sweater because I had shivered, and he didn’t want me to catch a cold, when I zipped it up to my chin and settled into it, he laughed and berkata “Baby anda look great in my sweater.”

Remember the pressure anda had diberikan me for sex, and every time I berkata no, you’d flip? Remember how it left me a little screwed in the head? When I had told him I was uncomfortable with where his hand was, oleh accident, he blushed madly, and we had gotten into THE conversation all young adults in a mature relationship have. Then I told him that I wasn’t ready for sex, and I wouldn’t be soon, not at fifteen, he had grinned, and laughed, and told me that things were going to pindah at whatever pace I felt comfortable with.

Remember when your friends jokingly told anda that anda were whipped and my bitch, and anda had gone ape-shit and argued with him? Some of his friends joked about the same thing, and he had put his arm around me kissed my hair, and berkata “Yeah I guess I am, but I’m her happy bitch”.
Remember how I had rested my head against your shoulder and anda had pushed it away saying “Cuddling is for wimps.” I fell asleep and he slipped his arm around me and let me use his chest as a pillow.

Remember when I was nervous for that test, and anda berkata grow-up? Recently I had been preparing a speech, and I was incredibly nervous to present it, as I was standing in front of the class, sputtering out my words as fast as I could, my eye caught his, and he mouthed “I cinta you, you’re doing great.”

Remember that hari I had come to school wearing sweats, and a Skillet Tee-Shirt, with no make-up, and my hair a mess because my alarm didn’t go off? Remember how anda had looked at me disgusted and berkata “You’re seriously not dressed like that?” Today the same thing happened and he smiled and welcomed me into the conversation he was having with his friends, put his arm around me, and when he got a spare moment whispered softly in my ear “You look stunning today.”
And vice-versa, remember that dress that I wore and anda had looked at me and berkata “Damn my girls a hottie!” and spent the entire night trying to slip your hand up my skirt, and after I had rejected all your advances, anda started dancing with every girl there? I wore that same dress to a school hosted winter konser with him, and he had looked at me funny and berkata “Babe, you’re beautiful, but aren’t anda going to be cold?” and handed me his coat.

I guess the difference between anda and him, is that I think he cares, and I guess anda never did.

cinta from The-One-You-Will-Wish-You-Had-Never-Let-Go

p.s I still wish anda the best, and I hope anda grow-up soon. But the way I feel about him, isn’t going to change anytime soon, and the way I hate anda is never going to change. So don’t bother thinking I want anda back.