Lucifer recap: 'Off the Record' 

The narrative driver of this week’s episode isn’t the ruler of Hell, but the tenaciously smart, obsessively twisted Reese Getty (Patrick Fabian). This character is packed with so many rich, snarled motivations that he would’ve been a standout even in a forgettable episode. Lucky for us, though, Reese’s journey happens in a wickedly clever episode that’s destined to be remembered as one of the show’s best when the final trumpet sounds.

We open on Reese waking up in a hospital to a cheerful nurse telling him he had a brush with death.

Determined to make the most of this second chance, he vows to fix his rocky relationship with his wife. But when he arrives at her house, Lucifer’s taking his leave following a “shag and run.”

Now Reese has a new mission: learn all about this interloper into his marriage. He follows Lucifer to his club, where Lucifer notices his greedy, observant stare. Lucifer thanks Reese but says he just doesn’t find him attractive. No, no, Reese correct him. The problem is his wife, who’s sleeping with a sleazy, arrogant piece of garbage. Lucifer blithely recommends that Reese destroy that guy’s life. “Spoons to his eye, ants inside his urethra — the Urethra Franklin, as I like to call it.”

Then Chloe arrives, and Lucifer explains to a shocked Reese that he’s been working with the police for a few weeks now (clue No. 1!). He offers a cheerful “Good luck with the punishing!” as he leaves.

, so he sets out to expose Lucifer under the cover of researching a feature article on the nightclub owner-turned-police consultant. And bless Lucifer’s heart, he’s too arrogant to question this. In fact, his blithe narcissism keeps him blinded for most of his interactions with Reese.

Reese learns that everybody at the LAPD loves Lucifer…except Dan, who’s separated from Lucifer’s partner, a wildly attractive former B-movie actress. (But Dan and Chloe are now divorced, right? Clue No. 2!)

While Chloe wants nothing to do with Reese’s story, the top brass order her to cooperate, so she drags him to a murder scene where an organic cosmetic company owner’s been found surrounded by breast implants and syringes.

Chloe nervously tries to make it sound like Lucifer always follows proper evidentiary rules as he jokes and juggles the implants. Glaring at Lucifer, Reece suggests that the victim was a fraud who’d been using Botox, so the killer wanted to uncover her hypocrisy.

In fact, the victim was killed by the same poison used in the murders of a meat-eating vegan and a private jet-owning environmentalist. We’ve got us a serial killer of phonies, people!

Reese leaves a voicemail for his wife as he continues to tail Lucifer, and then Maze appears to rough him up for his nosiness. “I’ve been threatened by worse than you,” he blusters, but of course, she knows (and we know) he hasn’t.

Back to the paper, he finds his wife waiting for him in his office, and it. is. Dr. Linda. AAHHH!!! She demands to know why he hasn’t signed their divorce papers even though they’ve been separated for two years. Reese promises to sign the next day, once he’s finished up a project. But Lucifans, Lucifer stopped sleeping with Linda ages ago, right? (Clue No. 3!)

After she leaves, Reese sneaks into Lucifer’s penthouse (for real, Lucifer needs a keypad on his door) and hears muffled cries. There, he discovers a bound and gagged woman on Lucifer’s bed who, of course, is

Then Lucifer shows up with a suspicious duffel bag, which turns out to be full of rather intimidating-looking edible flavored sex toys. “I’m allergic to watermelon,” Reese says mournfully, slumping in defeat at being unable to expose Lucifer. Luci briskly says Reese was just doing his job and invites him to the scene of a new murder. They leave the bound woman behind, happily waiting for Lucifer’s return.

Then a series of dreamlike shots take us through the apprehension and interrogation of a suspect in the fraud murders, thanks in large part to Lucifer. In the end, Reese tells Chloe that other than being annoyingly charming and good at police work, Lucifer isn’t newsworthy.

One wrinkle, though: The suspect isn’t their killer. Once Chloe’s gone, Reese watches in shock as Lucifer puts on his Devil face and uses his inhuman strength to slam the suspect into the two-way glass. You know, for interrogation purposes. Wait, but Lucifer’s lost his demon face! (Clue No. 4!)

Panicked, Reese bursts into Linda’s office to reveal that the man she’s sleeping with is the actual Devil. She’s horrified that he invaded her privacy but says she knows

what she’s doing: enjoying herself with an attentive man who’s giving her the most liberating experience of her life. Get it, girl!

Pushed to the edge now, Reese hastily signs the divorce papers, ignoring Linda’s pleas to put his life in order. Once he’s back at the newspaper, he starts drinking and building a stalker shrine on his walls: a huge timeline with Dr. Canaan/Amenadiel, Maze, Malcolm Graham, Ella (“What’s her secret?”), Charlotte (“Lover? Sister? Step-mom? WTF?”), the Candy marriage license. It’s all there, with the kind of scrawled details that DVR pause buttons were designed for.

Then the words “One year later” flash across the screen. Ahhhhh, oooookay. That explains those inconsistencies!

, locked in his office, drinking too much, hanging on to his job by a thread. Then Chloe and Lucifer knock on his door to ask for help in tracing the fraud killer, who’s gone dormant. All of the victims were featured in the

, and Chloe wants any archived comments on the stories, thinking some might belong to the killer. Reese promises to get her a list, which is hilarious because the senior investigative reporter is the

person at a newspaper who’ll know anything about archived website comments.

After Chloe leaves, Lucifer surveys Reese and guesses he hasn’t yet destroyed the man who was sleeping with his wife. Reese says the guy’s un-destroyable, but when Lucifer departs for his therapy session, saying he needs to be on time or “she’ll kill me,” the journalist gets an idea.

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