Please forward to Mr. Kevin Costner;

Mr Costner,

After watching 'Waterworld' 15 years ago, I look back with worry and concern (paired with a deep regret), and find myself forced to ask about many things unexplained in this sub-par film. I would like to ask a few simple questions regarding this wildly mediocre production, along with your acting career.

Primarily, what happened to the world-wide Naval forces, including the USN? Surely, as the icecaps melted, naval ships should have been able to survive this occurence? They would have been able to supply a degree of secuirty and order across the titular 'Waterworld'.

Also, what happened to Dennis Hopper? What did you give him prior to filming?
Was it alcohol? Narcotics? Or a mixture of the two?

During the film 'The Postman', what happened to the United States Marine Corp? A minor character (he was quite fat, if you recall) asked about this, yet you didn't reply to him during the scene. Personally, I found this to be rude, as I too would have liked to of known the answer! Would you have ignored me?

Why did you pretend to be a Postman? That is sick, perverse and also illegal. Even though the government was not present during the story, this is still morally disturbing.

I was most displeased with your film 'Robin Hood'. I felt it to be a terrible injustice towards an iconic British character. Also, how did you travel from Dover to Nottingham in only a day? I'm 99% certain that taxis did not exist.

Thank you in advance, Mr Costner. I deeply hope you respond with haste, as these issue truly plague me.

With kind regards from a (some-what disappointed) British film fan,

Dominic E Broom.