11. I will not use the Slytherin first-years as Christmas decorations :)

12. I will not lock Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter in a closet to see if any hot yaoi action will happen. (it was something like that xD)

13. I will not ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

14. I will not ask Harry Potter if his "scar senses" are tingling.

15. I won't lock Gryffindors and Slytherins into a room and take bets on which house will come out alive XD

16. Should my classmate fall asleep I shall not procede to draw the Dark Mark on their arm.

17. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
18. Calling GhostBusters is a cruel trick to play on resident ghosts and poltergeists.
19. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand
20. I am not a sloth Animagus
21. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology"
22. I will not show Hagrid pictures of Pokemon characters and convince him they're real animals.
23. There is not now, nor has there ever been a fifth house at Hogwarts. And I am not a member or the founder of that house
24. "Y'all check this-here shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about an experimental spell.
25. I am not allowed to introduce myself to first years as "Tim the Enchanter".

that ought to be enough...

26. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination does not count as extra credit

27. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical
Creatures class.

28. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms"

29. I am not to kiss Trevor

30. I will not walk up to Harry Potter wearing a hood claiming to be his real mother

31. I should not cite "Lord Voldemort" as my greatest influance at Hogwarts

32. Nor should I cite "Fred and George Weasley"

33. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the force"

34. I am not allowed to wear black gloves at all times and say "Hogwarts is father. Hogwarts is mother." (lol or something like that. xD)

35. Yes, Oliver HAS heard every "Wood" joke and has grown very tired of them. (I keep forgetting how they're worded exactly xD)

36. Seamus Finnegan is not hiding a pot of gold under his robes

37. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

38. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

39. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a "Big Black Sex Auror".

40. The Giant Squid has never made an appearance in any hentai film.

41. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".

42. Professor Flitwick's first name in not Yoda.

43. I will not refer to the hippogryph as "Horseybird".

44. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

45. Or any other Slytherin

Couldn't help myself xD

BUMP

BUMP

MUST. KEEP. BOARD. ALIVE.

46. "You might be a Pureblood if..." jokes will get me in trouble, especially in front of Slytherins

47. I will not make jokes about Lupin and his “time of the month”.

48. I will not bring a magic 8 ball to Divination.

49. I will not set Ravenclaw house on the task of calculating the exact value of pi.

50. Asking a Pureblood "If your mother and father get divorced, are they still brother and sister?" is unacceptable

51. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

52. Neville is not my valet

53. The headmasters name is Albus Dumbledore, not Gandolf

54. I will not create a pin-up calendar of the Slytherin girls and call it "Voldie's Angels"

55. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord

56. Nor am I to tell her that I prophesied her death

57. Professor McGonagall is not Catwoman

58. Lucius Malfoy is not my "sugar daddy"

59. I may not take house points away from first-years for being "too goddamn short"

60. I will not hand red shirts to the new DADA professor and claim that they're the standard uniform for the position

61. The Muggle known as George W. Bush was not related to or working for Lord Voldemort in any way, and I am to stop trying to prove he was

62. I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter

63. I am not Voldemort's illegitimate love child

64. I am not the reincarnation of Merlin

65. I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'

66. Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not improved by the introduction of muggle firearms

wow that's alot ^^;

67. I will not sing "We're off to see the Wizard" whenever I'm sent to the Headmaster's office.

"67. I will not sing "We're off to see the Wizard" whenever I'm sent to the Headmaster's office."

68. Nor am I to sing it with a backup group of singing House elves.

69. Especially not with kazoos.

70. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

71. Tricking a school house elf into stripping does not mean that they are now mine, even if I yell "Pwned!".

72.I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

73. I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

74. It was not an honest mistake.

75. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.

76. I must not spread rumours that Lucius Malfoy is, was, or ever will be known in Death Eater circles as "Dobby's bitch."

77. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!!!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one should answer.

78. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

79. Neither is Professor Snape.

80. Telling Lucius what he could do with his staff... is not advisable.

81. Less advisable if it involves anything sexual with Snape.

82. Unless, you know... you bring me back pictures.

Haha, that was a lot but I couldn't resist. xD

83. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine"

84. I will not ask Ginny how to properly strangle a chicken

85. The Easter Bunny is not Jesus' Animagus form

86. I will not sell tickets to get into the Chamber of Secrets

87. Especially if it is only a one-way ticket

88. I will not attempt to set up a mobile phone mast on the Astronomy Tower

89. The same goes with a satellite dish

90. Professor Snape's problem is not that "he needs to get laid"

91. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate

92. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play

93. Asking Harry how his parents are doing is just cruel

94. Hogwarts does NOT teach you how to banish people to the "shadow realm"

95. I will not tell Dumbledore that there are people outside the books who despise him

96. The same goes with Harry

97. It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says `All the good-looking ones die young` with a picture
of Cedric Diggory on it

98. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow

99. I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they
are learning

100. I will not sneak up behind Draco and Harry while they are in their Staring Snarky Yelling Matches and yell, "SLASH
SLASH SLASH! LET'S SEE SOME SLASH!"

101. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees"

102. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.

103. I will not go to class skyclad.

104. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore"

105. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful"

106. I will not insist the house elves serve fried snake to the Slytherins.

107. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

108. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

109. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends"

110. I will not tye-dye all of the owls.

111. I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall

112. Or anywhere else for that matter.

113. I will not shave Mrs. Norris.

114. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends"

115. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.

116. I am not allowed to refere to myself as 'the new Dark Lord'

117. I am not allowed to tell the Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause

118. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt

119. The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid

120. Taking red paint and writing creepy messages on the walls is not funny

121. I will not kill the school chickens and wreak general havoc, then explain I was possessed by the Dark Lord.

"108. House-elves are not a suitable replacement for bludgers."
123. Or quaffles, for that matter.

124. I will not tell First Years that Professor Snape is the voice of God.

^ hahahahahaha WIN!!!!

125. I will not tell first years that Peeves is your friend.

(I know!!! haha i love that movie! Yay Dogma!!)

126. My patronus is not a house-elf. Nor is it a hippogriff, a chimaera or a troll.

127. Sanguini does not sparkle and I am not to make a spell to make him do so. No matter how many jokes we can get out of it.

128. "I've made every joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

129. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

130. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Kights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have students say "Ni" from various directions.

131. The sorting hat is not an appropiate fashion statement.

Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is innapropriate to sneak into his room at night and shave it off.
-Likewise, it is unkind to make the aforementioned hair into a wig and wear it to potions class.
-Nobody cares that it makes me feel "pretty".

-Nobody cares that it makes me feel "pretty".

They don't?
:C

133? - I will not hand out "Team Jacob" shirts to Hufflepuffs.
134 - I will not offer scar ointment to Harry Potter.

135. I will not ask Proffesor Snape if he has a happy place.
136. I will not suggest that happy place to be under my skirt.
137. I will not tell Cedric Diggory his future as Edward Cullen.
138. I will not tell the class Proffesor Snape's boggart is shampoo.(and I wouldn't)
139. I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz" when being sent to the Headmaster's office.
140. Hogwarts is not in the flight path of any Muggle airport, and Muggle airplanes cannot crash into Hogwarts. That being the case, there is no need to have first years standing on the spires of Hogwarts waving torches screaming "Go away, go away!"
141.I will not spike my best friend's pumpkin juice and tell him to go hit on Professor McGonagall...or Snape.
142.I will not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor Tower is "Petrificus Totalus" and must be recited with their wands pointed at
themselves.
143.If Death Eaters attack Hogsmeade, I will not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmobile, Robin!"
144. I will not throw a book at Sir Nicholas Di Mimsy Porpington to see if his head will go onto its' sinew hinge.
145.I will not start a howler chain-letter saying "Your life will be cursed for seven years if you don't send this to 10 fellow students within 15 minutes."
146.Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.
147. I will not shout "SANTA!" Whenever I see Professor Dumbledore, jump into his arms and ask "where's my present?" like a 4 year old.
148.I will not imitate Steve Irwin while in Care of Magical Creatures class, even if I have the best fake Australian accent.
149. I will not refer to Gryffindors crest as, Rumbleroar.
150.Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology."
151. Will not tell the Hufflepuff first year they have to run around singing "Imma Bee" before they can use the lavoratory.
152. I will not tell students that the Whomping Willow was inacuratley named and is a great place to study, during the full moon.

^135 and 136 are supper epic

^^ lol I made those ones up myself, and made a play with that scene in it. Snape's Reaction- Miss. Granger being a know it all does not let you know my personal thoughts. But yes, it might be, class dismissed. *Holds Granger back* Just wish I video taped it...

link
>.>

153. I will not write in my DADA OWL essay that vampires sparkle just to prove that there really is a "T for troll" grade.

154. I will not repetitively ask Cedric Diggory to find various items.
155. Nor will I call him a niffler.
156. Or shake glitter on him at night.
157. Or place Kristen Stewart in his bed wearing a "Team Edward" shirt.
158. I will not make fun of Lupin and his "time of the month".
159. I will not tell Draco Malfoy his mother should hug him more.
160. I musn't refer to Professor McGonagall as "Bagpuss".
161. I will not teach "Prefects are Hot" to Moaning Myrtle.
162. ...and then duet with her in the Great Hall.
163. ....or wink at Harry whilst peforming.

164. I will stop asking Professor Snape to show me his angel wings.
165. I will also stop referring to Professor Snape as "The Sheriff Of Nottingham"
166. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the Hogwarts towers are, we will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in there.
167. I've herd every joke about Sean Biggerstaff's name is not a challenge.

168. I will not whisper "liquid sex" everytime Professor Snape speaks.

169. While changing the word "wand" to "willy" may be funny, it is not appropriate.
170. When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong is indecent.
171. -Especially if I can't.
172. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums"
173. -Neither does he respond favourably to "Sev," "Snapey-Poo," or "Debbie"
174. I should not ask Professor McGonagall if, while in cat form, she has ever coughed up a hairball.
175. I must not spread rumours that Lucius Malfoy is, was, or ever will be known in Death Eater circles as "Dobby's Homeboy"

176. I am not aloud to walk around the halls singing "Voldemort, Voldemort, ooh Voldie, Voldie, Voldie, VOLDEMORT!" while doing inappropriate dance moves, no matter how much fun it may be.
177. I will not force Harry, Ron, Hermione, Snape and Dumbledore to do the "Mysterious Ticking Noise" by using the Imperius Curse, even if it is really fun.

178. I will not go to the prefect's bathroom and sing "Prefects Are Hot" then claim that I was Imperiused to do so.

179. I will not ask the Whomping Willow to make a fifth house called Awesome.

180. ( I made this one up ) I will not ask Draco what Pigfarts/Rumbleroar is like.

181. I will not tell Draco Malfoy that Dobby is his real father.
182. I will not teach Harry the lyrics to 'Harry Freakin' Potter' and sing it with him in Hogsmeade.
183. I will not impersonate Professor Umbridge by screaming "I AM WOMAN!!!!"
184. Asking everyone if they texted Umbridge back is not an appropriate topic during school hours.
185. I must not show Cho Chang the Epilogue.
186. I will not show the Gryffindor boys Ron/Ginny fanfiction...
187. ....or Fred/George.
188. ....or Harry/Draco.
189. ....or Hermione/McGonagall. I promise.

190) Running a pool on how big Snapes trouser snake is just on nose size alone... is funny.
-Him finding out? Not so much.
191) Getting Colin Creevey drunk and steering him toward a sleeping Harry Potter is just a bad idea all around.
-Then using his camera to take incriminating photos is not nice.

192. I am not to sleep in anyone elses bed exspecially if someone is still in the bed

193. I am not to tell the first years that there is a hidden swiming pool

194. I am not to tell the first years that filch can become invisible and watch you sleep

195. I am not to tel the first years that snape is a vampire

I96. I am not to release the blast ended screwts from their crates.

197. I am not to throw anyone into the lake

124. I will not dress up as he who must not be named in halloween day.

125. I will not ask harry, hermione, or ron to make jokes about he who must not be named. even thought it would be fun.

126.I will not hide luna's shoes. aww she's too cute.

127.I will not try to ride Buckbeak without first gaining his trust ( btw Buckbeak is the must amazing fantastic animal ever)