ill start..
i taught a purple pig how to fly

no really. i taught a singing giraffe how to appreciate the TV show 24!

No way cause i got Kiefer Sutherland to shoot himself so there is no show, 24!

I got my dog to sing like Delta Gooddrem, and she went on mtv

Well i built a robot, taught IT how to sing and then it went on to win the X Factor and marry Simon Cowell!!

Well, I got a disguised Katie Price to win the X Factor. I also managed to melt half her face off with all those hot lights.

Well I invented the hot lights, and am by default queen of melting faces off people.

That's nothing. I once painted a pony pink.

Ohhhh that's small! I teached a cow how to paint a pig:P

Pshh! I'm a ninja, and today I saved the world for the third time!

Like that's special!Today I married Drew Fuller,won a Grammy Award and now I live in the Halliwell Manor!

please,I married Harry Potter and cheated on him with Edward Cullen!

Ya? Well, today, I cured cancer, taught a cow how to sing and dance, AND cheated with Harry Potter on iluvhp!

Dang! Well, I saw Santa Clause land on my roof and my redncek cousin shot all his reindeer with a shotgun. Santa got mad, kicked my cousin's butt, then told him that he had to be his elf slave forever! I started laughing and had to be the reindeer.

Then you'll be happy to know that I summoned the Great Old Ones to assist in the necromantic ritual to reanimate all the reindeer, so that those zombie flying creatures could pull my sled. This allowed me to fly around the world as the Dark Santa, while the real Santa was distracted by his new elf and reindeer slaves. I tell you this, because it's already Christmas and thus too late to stop me - all the gifts I delivered have been unwrapped, their Eldritch natures masked by the seemingly mundane exteriors. Really, once they were unwrapped, it was too late. The mass extinction will power the generators I have built at the poles, allowing me to steer the planet across the galaxy with my vast and still-growing mental powers. I told them I would return, and after ten million years most of them have forgotten. But they will be reminded upon my triumphant arrival!

Well...I got in touch with the toothfairy, and with the help of an army of her fairy friends, together we used our magic dust and sprinkled it all over the evil Eldritch toy things,turning them into handsome Orlando Bloom look-a-likes and there was enough for all who wanted one.. ;)

geeze... I cant top that

Ha ha, I aim to please...

Well, I was happily married to David Boreanaz and having a lunch out with Lisa Edelstein, Hugh Laurie, and my editor, when one of those handsome Orlando Blooms dug up a magical 500 year old rock, that turned the whole world into a forest, and when the people saw that there was no more Walmart, Hollister, or any other stores, they tried to recreate the world, but by doing that, they turned the world into a horrible place, with gangs, murderers killers and everything, and so they fought. My husband got killed, and I decided there was no more screwing around. As the fights went on I hid away with an evil scientist Dr. I Giggles and Lisa, and when most of the population was dead me, Lisa and Giggles came out. I luckly teamed up with a scientist and an actress, so she distracted all the males by seducing them, while he mutated animals and made bombs and we became rulers, little did I know he was going to literally stab me in the back and kill me, I told Lisa (through a dream) to seduce him and kill him, and she did, so... Get revenge, Check. So I'm the first ghost on this thing... And guess what? Now, I'm with Santa, Jesus, and my hubby (David Boreanaz), playing Candy Land. Rudolph thinks I'm cheating, but he doesn't see the chocolate slide I just slid down. The toothfairy wanted to join, but when I told her she should go join a threesome with the easter bunny and tarzan, she happily skipped to the lingerie store. "OMG Jesus Christ, thats a naughty word, do I need to call god down here!". Oh and I met MJ and we sang thriller in the heaven x factor, and we kicked Elvis's ass with our awesome dance moves. MWAHAHAHA.

(I'm hoping this doesn't offend anyone, the jesus and god part, I'm from a family of christians... I'm hoping this doesn't offend Micheal or ELvis fans either. I respect both the king of pop and the king.)

That's it? I intercepted the tooth fairy on the way to the lingerie store and made her transport me into a book, adn she chose the lord of the rings. I ended up in some forest, with no clue where i was and I cam across the fellowship of the ring and I took the ring and flung it into the lava of MT.Doom, then had Smeagol chained to a tree in the mirkwood forest and I married Legolas, after I blew hobbiton to pieces and enslaved all teh hobbits
Last part added for randominity...I love hobbits and Elves and the LOTR....GO LOTR

Today i was kidnapped by men who thought i was Sama bin ladens daughter and tried to turn me into an assasin, i called out a kooee and my couch came to save me but we had to battle our way out, so i called Tinkerbell and she came with an army of tooth fairies and sprinkled dust on the flowers making them killedr attacking nija flowers. Well we had a mighty battle and i ended up getting stabbed. I fell down and Orlando bloom knelt beside me saying i do believe in faeies i do i do i do, i do believe in faeries i do do i do. We everyone chanted it and i came back to life. So we flew of in our gyrocopter and i went back home to find that my canadian monkey climbing giraffes on elephant pink socks had been stolen. DAMM THAT THIEF
lol okay i think that should suffice

Really, now? I invited a british girl named lorelei over for dinner and she was amazed that my family ate pants and my husband danny phAntom freaked out because he thought she was osama bin laden and locked her in an attic in the celler so me and my little broher Sally Jane had to go find tinkerbell to save her but we wound up in the land of KAWKAW and pants so we fouught a giant owlguin who was trying to shoot our mango chutney with pineapple ray. When we finally killed that, we found the golden toilet qnd he magic genie of hoover dam told us if we sat on it and took a huge crap there would be world peace. I left sally jane to crap, and found tinkerbell in the world of SHEBAM and we ran at top speed to my maroon house in the center of he earth only to find my husband dead, and lorelei eatin pants in he kitchen she told us he had died fro
cancer of the big toe, so we bduried his body in he nile river and all sat down to enjoy a nice dinner of juice and pickles

You're all amatures. I'm Jessica Sempson and I'm just sitting down with Buzz Lightyear and my husband George Bush on the milky way. Ol' Georgie fell head first and Buzz dived after him. I got bored so I went back to Earth on my flying neon pink kangaroo to have a dinner of electric wires and pickle boogers. But in one of my pickle boogers I found a mini Buzz and almost ate him but than I heard him shout " It's really me!" so I set him down and asked him where was George and he told me he was dead so i just ate the pickle booger, Buzz and all. After my satisfying meal, I bumped into a 600,000,000 foot tall talking wall that swallowed me up and spit me out. i found meself remembering that I wasn't Jessica at all. I was infact the goddess Anqet. So with that, I made a giant IMing screem pop up and I chatted with my friend The Easter Bunny. He gave me an egg full of singing hats and dresses. When I put them of my skin turned purple and I grew several pink eyes all over my body. I was so angry I ran all the way to Italy and had pizza. I felt better because the pizza talked and it told me it saw through it's pepporonie so it was like eyes. Then I remembered how hungrey I was so gulped him down. I felt sad after that and started crying loudly so much that I caused a flood that filled the ocean everyone drowned. Then people started to evolve into mermen and mermaids and they all worshiped me. But I was still hidious so I flew up to the milky way on my neon kangaroo and found Ol' Georgie still floating there. By this time I had forgotton him and moved on and was happily married to Jacob Black but unfortunatly it wasn't enough so I was secretly with Edward Cullen to. I had almost 900,000 children with a few other men who's names escape me at the time. Of course George didn't know that so he helped me make a potion that would turn me beautiful and it worked! I thanked him the shoved him deeper into spacwe. When I returned I found all my people were dead exept for Edward. Soon we had build a safe house out of pickle boogers and teeth and made a new breed of vampire-mermaids/mermen.

oh yeah! well i just went to walmart and bought a box of what i thought was cheerios but really was giant ants and wanted to take over the world and when i opened the box they started to say... goooogllle beeeerrrriieeesss! so i used my bedazzled, sparkly, purple, and alive shrink ray to shrink him and it worked but the king ant worked its way through my ear and is now thinking for me. and it wants me to tell you that there is one already in your ear and i also stole beibers hair and i am now wearing it as a wig! And because i have two thinking brains i have multiple personality disorder and i hug cupcakes before putting them in a blender with frogs and baby drool for a smoothie, them in sudden rage i fling the smoothie into the cast of glees faces and laugh maniacally 'bwahhahahah...ha!'

Oh yeah well i went to band class the other day and my trombone started talking to me, in a mater of fact it sang it sang the Beatles soundtrack for Sgt Pepper and the magic mystery tour and the rest of the instruments joined in and the flags danced and flipped,the drums thumped and thudded as if Ringo was playing them.
Later on that day i came across imotet (the mummy(1931))and he tried to take over my mind until an Icis statue zapped him and not too long after i got pit pocketed by the invisible man.
I've felt like i've been stocked ever since.
Today it snowed and you won't believe it trolls smaller than snow flakes were hanging on to them as the snow flakes landed on my closes they pulled out ropes as thin as spider webs and tied me to the ground like in Gulliver's travels when they untied the ropes they had strings connected to my nerves and they were controlling me like a marionette or one of those Japanese kabuki puppets and had me rob a bank and even now they have full control physically and they are working on mining their way to my brain through my ear.

woooooooooooooow. and again... wooooooooooooow.
p.s... wooooooooooooow.

hdgfjhvgfjmhdgfhgggg try to top that

Umm... sorry Hun but anything could top that.

You see the puppy was a dog but industry, that's a revolution! West High football rules! ~Billy Madison