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Is the line, "If I win, anda owe me a date." too cliche and/or annoying.
Here's the excerpt from my story:
"Fine, Mr. Gamble. Let's test it. But if I'm right, anda owe me 1000 locks.” Ava said.
“Fine. But if I win, anda owe me a date.” Bingo berkata with a smile. Ava rolled her eyes in response.
“Deal.” Ava said, offering her hand to shake. Bingo took it happily."
NOTE: Locks are the currency in my story, and Bingo is just a nickname
This deal completely fits Bingo's character and everything, but do anda think it would annoy the readers? Is it too cliche/corny.
"Fine, Mr. Gamble. Let's test it. But if I'm right, anda owe me 1000 locks.” Ava said.
“Fine. But if I win, anda owe me a date.” Bingo berkata with a smile. Ava rolled her eyes in response.
“Deal.” Ava said, offering her hand to shake. Bingo took it happily."
NOTE: Locks are the currency in my story, and Bingo is just a nickname
This deal completely fits Bingo's character and everything, but do anda think it would annoy the readers? Is it too cliche/corny.
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