Hello all anda fuck boys in fuck boy bands. I'm sure anda all know why we've joined this club- to dedicate our lives to God's favorit anti-band, Waterparks, also known as Parx, Parx Boiz atau Awsten Knight Is A Poser.
But how well do we really know this band? Well, I'm here to rustle your jimmies, slow down your jellybeans, and hide under your porch because boy do I have some scorching hot teh for you.
Waterparks, and the members, are a lie
Now what has brought me to this spicey conclusion, anda may ask? Well, after a tahun and a half of worship I finally opened my third eye. To save anda from all that trouble, I will lay down the evidence... band member oleh band member... song oleh song... piece oleh piece.
GO!
Let's start with the drummer atau Waterparks and singer/frontman of Ottoparks (far superior). Otto is known for his lack of an online presence. His instagram is titled "Instagramless Otto" and to the best of my knowledge, he doesn't even have a twitter. At Warped Tour, the tip box was labelled "Tip me and Otto will go online!" They did not follow through on the promise, despite me paying him to do so. Additionally, Otto is rarely seen other than during shows, interviews, atau meet and greets. When I met Geoff at Warped he was no where to be found, and when my friend went to Awsten's TEI session he was once again absent although Geoff was there. Why is this? Well, the answer to that is really quite simple. Otto Wood is a clone. Not just one clone, though, no. A series of clones, all part of a failed experiment. We will touch on that shortly. Because of the Ottobot's defective nature, they have to be frequently charged to prevent malfunctions. This is why he is hardly seen other than when absolutely needed. They're all kept Winter Soldier style in pods and taken out when it is safe. He cannot interact with fan too often as excessive human interaction can cause glitches and possibly starting his own band, which simply cannot be allowed. Online presence would cause a similar reaction. OttoBots are simply too unstable to leave unsupervised.
Now onto the front man of the band, Awsten. The thrifty scene boyfriend out my dreams. Dare I call him perfect? Yes. I do. Which is exactly what they want from me, and from all of us. Awsten was the final result of the experiment. His creators had achieved their goal, however shortly later something went wrong. He had a glitch in his system that they could not remove quick enough. While they were trying to fix it, Awsten escaped and took all the Ottobots with him to pindah to Houstan and form his own band. This is why Awsten is the (supposedly) human embodiment of "?!". Unlike Otto, he is fully capable of interacting with people and seems to enjoy it quite a lot. Unfortunately the glitch he developed causes him to have the fashion sense of a repressed scene kid and a literal inability to type in lower case letters.
This leaves us with Geoff. Geoff is the only human in this band, but was brainwashed with gambar of Minions Vore and Manic Panic until he joined the band. Any image anda see of him, look for the pain in his eyes. It is a cry for help. Save him. Free him.
All of this explains the t-shirts as well. "Awsten is a poser" because he is posing as a human being, when really he is a deviant cyborg trying to take over the country to sell anda hair dye and DVD sets of The Office. "Geoff is a good boy" because Geoff is the only human member of the band, a poor victim who must be freed. "Otto" because... Otto.
I've been mentioning an experiment throughout much of this artikel yet have to explain what it was. The Experiment was led oleh Travis and documented oleh Jawn. Their goal was a part of a government funded project to create the ultimate boy band. Before Waterparks, there had already been many successes, with bands such and Backstreet Boys, One Direction, and Alvin And The Chipmunks. They also have a co-ed branch responsible for Kidz Bop. But soon, they realized that they needed to expand their horizons. They decided to target the Alt-Rock industry. Riding off the wave of 2009 easy-core, Waterparks was created. However, things went wrong as I explained previously. So why didn't Travis and Jawn shut the project down, send out implosion signals to the OttoBots and put out an APB on Awsten under the charges of eating school children? After seeing the way their clones reacted their interest was peaked. Quickly, they got approval from their sponsers to chase after Waterparks and befriended the members, becoming the iconic supportive legends we all know and cinta today.
Waterparks is nothing lebih than a government facade created to control you. And guess what? It's working.
Mic drop.
But how well do we really know this band? Well, I'm here to rustle your jimmies, slow down your jellybeans, and hide under your porch because boy do I have some scorching hot teh for you.
Waterparks, and the members, are a lie
Now what has brought me to this spicey conclusion, anda may ask? Well, after a tahun and a half of worship I finally opened my third eye. To save anda from all that trouble, I will lay down the evidence... band member oleh band member... song oleh song... piece oleh piece.
GO!
Let's start with the drummer atau Waterparks and singer/frontman of Ottoparks (far superior). Otto is known for his lack of an online presence. His instagram is titled "Instagramless Otto" and to the best of my knowledge, he doesn't even have a twitter. At Warped Tour, the tip box was labelled "Tip me and Otto will go online!" They did not follow through on the promise, despite me paying him to do so. Additionally, Otto is rarely seen other than during shows, interviews, atau meet and greets. When I met Geoff at Warped he was no where to be found, and when my friend went to Awsten's TEI session he was once again absent although Geoff was there. Why is this? Well, the answer to that is really quite simple. Otto Wood is a clone. Not just one clone, though, no. A series of clones, all part of a failed experiment. We will touch on that shortly. Because of the Ottobot's defective nature, they have to be frequently charged to prevent malfunctions. This is why he is hardly seen other than when absolutely needed. They're all kept Winter Soldier style in pods and taken out when it is safe. He cannot interact with fan too often as excessive human interaction can cause glitches and possibly starting his own band, which simply cannot be allowed. Online presence would cause a similar reaction. OttoBots are simply too unstable to leave unsupervised.
Now onto the front man of the band, Awsten. The thrifty scene boyfriend out my dreams. Dare I call him perfect? Yes. I do. Which is exactly what they want from me, and from all of us. Awsten was the final result of the experiment. His creators had achieved their goal, however shortly later something went wrong. He had a glitch in his system that they could not remove quick enough. While they were trying to fix it, Awsten escaped and took all the Ottobots with him to pindah to Houstan and form his own band. This is why Awsten is the (supposedly) human embodiment of "?!". Unlike Otto, he is fully capable of interacting with people and seems to enjoy it quite a lot. Unfortunately the glitch he developed causes him to have the fashion sense of a repressed scene kid and a literal inability to type in lower case letters.
This leaves us with Geoff. Geoff is the only human in this band, but was brainwashed with gambar of Minions Vore and Manic Panic until he joined the band. Any image anda see of him, look for the pain in his eyes. It is a cry for help. Save him. Free him.
All of this explains the t-shirts as well. "Awsten is a poser" because he is posing as a human being, when really he is a deviant cyborg trying to take over the country to sell anda hair dye and DVD sets of The Office. "Geoff is a good boy" because Geoff is the only human member of the band, a poor victim who must be freed. "Otto" because... Otto.
I've been mentioning an experiment throughout much of this artikel yet have to explain what it was. The Experiment was led oleh Travis and documented oleh Jawn. Their goal was a part of a government funded project to create the ultimate boy band. Before Waterparks, there had already been many successes, with bands such and Backstreet Boys, One Direction, and Alvin And The Chipmunks. They also have a co-ed branch responsible for Kidz Bop. But soon, they realized that they needed to expand their horizons. They decided to target the Alt-Rock industry. Riding off the wave of 2009 easy-core, Waterparks was created. However, things went wrong as I explained previously. So why didn't Travis and Jawn shut the project down, send out implosion signals to the OttoBots and put out an APB on Awsten under the charges of eating school children? After seeing the way their clones reacted their interest was peaked. Quickly, they got approval from their sponsers to chase after Waterparks and befriended the members, becoming the iconic supportive legends we all know and cinta today.
Waterparks is nothing lebih than a government facade created to control you. And guess what? It's working.
Mic drop.