series twilight Article: A Twilight Hater's Review of New Moon

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posted by shieldmaiden

The serigala clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animasi and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.

The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.

Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. anda can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.

Pros

The Volturi

Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, anda know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and anda hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what vampire do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole memukul down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all anda Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless vampire on Buffy.

The serigala Clan

Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer animasi of the serigala (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the serigala clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.

Jacob

Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So anda can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. anda Team Jacob fans, I now consider anda semi-sane because anda recognized a HEALTHY relationship. pujian to anda guys.

Cons

Bella...you there?

I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely oleh her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her friends at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even lebih with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole tahun older than your 107 tahun old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to cinta anda anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those fan out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.

How is she special too btw?

If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected oleh any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!

Edward...dude wtf?!

Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in cinta with anda throws anda into a glass meja for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons anda in the forest. A car ride halaman awal would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass meja for her protection? That was totally safe. anda know, because she was bleeding even lebih profusely after the meja than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started tampilkan up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to anda like that anda can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I cinta you". Nice.

OMG a Plot Point!!!

Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, atau whenever anyone berkata Bella was akting crazy. If anyone spoke reason atau a plot point appeared, it did not tampil again.

Lupin's serigala Looked Better...

The film must have had the world's worst computer animasi department because those serigala were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad animasi coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even lebih laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.

That's What She Said!

There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want anda to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If anda don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.

Blocked

Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face meninju, pukulan high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.

Overall

Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. anda Team Jacobers, anda got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless anda want a really good laugh then oleh all means do. Oh and one lebih thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!

No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this ciuman is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.

No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.

Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.

xoPixie-Popxo, groovychicklisa and 10 others like this

rachaelwsz Lol. You've got great points there. But personally, I felt that the New Moon movie was better. What made me really dislike the Twilight movie was the terribly crappy script. (Think the spider monkey lines.) Oh, not forgetting the very disappointing special effects. (Sparkles- FAIL!) Btw, I've linked your article to the [url=http://www.fanpop.com/spots/critical-analysis-of-twilight] Critical Analysis of Twilight[/url] spot, better known as the CAT spot. ;) Check out the spot if you haven't.

shieldmaiden Didn't know that existed! Thanks! I've joined :) And the only reason that I found the first movie slightly better (by a very very small margin) than this one is because there was some semblance of a plot present. Not much though, but if you looked it was kinda there.

OCFan123 After reading this article...I really love you :) But I agree with rachelwsz, I thought this movie was better. But thats just me.

rachaelwsz @shieldmaiden I would agree with you about the weak plot presence in the New Moon movie. But if I were to compare both the movies, I still think New Moon was better overall. The CAT spot rules. ;)

XDRoseLuvsHP Haha, if you thought the movie was bad, you should see the book! E.P.I.C.F.A.I.L. Love the review :D

Impulse85 I love the fact that you made the Volturi part of the Pro part of the movie, b/c honestly, that's the only reason I went to go see the movie. I love the Volturi, they're a great set of characters that got caught in a crappy and pointless book. That's a shame to, they really should have a spin off. I'd buy that book!!!

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Renn and Jakes life chapter 13.

posted by WritenOnTheSand

As uncle Emmett is carring me towards the front door, I realize a place that i can go and still be with Jake.

"Uncle Emmett I know where anda can take me can anda just let me tell Jake?" I ask looking up at his auburn eyes.

"Go on." He says aas he lightly sets me down.

"Thanks." I yell back at him as I run towards Jakes room. I start to get the excited feeling anda get when anda get a great idea and anda just can't stop your self from bursting.

"Where are anda going Nessie?" My mom asks as she steps into the hallway.

"Can't talk now Mom, I have an idea to state."

"You have a what to what?" She asks...

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Edward Cullen: A Supporting Role of the Twilight Series

posted by mandapanda

Rob in Cannes

Today, a new interview with Rob from Cannes, France was released. It's only a couple menit long with Rob talking about New Moon, but, something Rob berkata really stuck with me.

Before I talk about the interview, I would like to make something clear. And I will keep it brief. Alot of people think that New Moon is Jacob's book. But it's not. It's still Bella's book. She tells the story. We experience everything through her words. Jacob happens to be in the story more, and we get to know lebih about the werewolves, but other than that, Bella is the main character. Edward is still present, not...

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Precious Enchantment (esme's story) Chapter 7

posted by Edward_Bella234

Just so anda all know, this and maybe one lebih chapter will be the last of the chapters all be posting on this spot. I will be posting them on my spot only. It's called Edward_Bella234 if anda want to gabung and continue membaca these. Here is the link:

link

Any way, onto the story...
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
End of Chapter 6

“Oh yum,” John berkata reaching for a cinnamon roll “That looks delicious, Carol!”
“Thank you, John” my mother replied. “Esme, can anda go get some eggs from the hen house?...

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Renn and Jakes life chapter 12.

posted by WritenOnTheSand

My current idea of talking Jake out of making me leave. I want to stay here, and if there really are vampire trying to kill me let them come. With my whole family here they can't do anything to me, atau Jake.

As I get closer to his room I start to feel the tension. My eyes drift to the floor but steadily rise again. My fingers lightly touch the handly as I push the door open. Jake is all alone.

"Hey," The only word I can think to say at this moment. Maybe this was a bad idea, I should just go. But then he is left in the danger. "We need to talk." I finly get out.

"About what?" He asks blankly...

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moonshining night/day part 5

posted by leisha4

hey ive done the selanjutnya part. i think that carrie ann berkata that sue and charlie got married in the book which would be carried on from the end of BD. i hope anda enjoy this and i isnt too long but it was all i could write in half an hour.

part 4
Jacob called 5 minuets later “what was the rush?” I asked.
“Bella?” he asked. “Yes?” I responded. “Edwards going to kill me.”
“Probably depends why?”
"Nessies has been kidnapped oleh the Volturi.”
“What?” I shouted, and then abruptly ended the call and rushed out the house. I needed air...
could my hari get any worse??

Part 5
I didn’t...

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The Other Way (Edward's POV) Ch. 19

posted by CharmedVamp101

I pulled her onto the tempat tidur and wrapped the blanket around her, there was no way I wanted to freeze her to death. Then I wrapped my arms around her. Already, she was falling asleep. She was thinking about tomorrow and the wedding that was in two days. I smiled at her pictures, she didn't at all think of the wedding dress though.
I could tell when she was out. Her mind went dark, then it was filled with different pictures and my face was the background. We zoomed into a picture, one that hadn't happened. One that, I never wanted to have, of course the experience would be wonderful, but it was...

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Starless Dusk Chapter 4, Partial

posted by KrystenPeres

4. Defenseless
    Dylan and I walked to Carols. He was stiff, and walked like he was in the military. I tried to push in front of his and skip the rest of the distance to the house, but he walk almost making himself block me. I sighed and paced myself to match him. When we got to the house, Dylan rang the bell, once.
        “You see, she’s not here, let’s just go back. I’ll cook dinner.” He berkata while turning from the door. He’d only waited for a hundredth of a second.
        “Relax...

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Starless Dusk Chapter 2

posted by KrystenPeres

Dylan (Matt Dallas) and Gianna (Krysten Peres)

2. The In-Laws

The rest of the 'Cullen Clan' lived down the road. Their house was the largest, oleh far. It was almost 6 times the size of Dylan and my house. It was modern and new, with its boxy shapes and its glass walls, it didn't belong here. It seemed like it belonged in the hills of L.A..
"Wow. It's beautiful..." I gawked.
"My parents built it when we moved her a tahun ago. My mother, Esme, designed it." Edward explained.
"She designer it!?" I gasped.
"She is very talented..." Bella added.
"Alright, alright, let's go inside now." Edward berkata quietly.
"Okay." Bella berkata softly. She grabbed...

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Nightfall (A Sequel to Dusk) Chapter 17: Awakening (Nessie's POV)

posted by lovethecullens

Chapter 17: Awakening Nessie’s POV

    My eyes slowly opened. I noticed that I could see a tiny bit clearer and my sense of smell was a little lebih finely tuned. I didn’t feel exhausted atau weak anymore and there was no pain. I looked down in a panic, I was wearing different clothes and my stomach was flat. That is when I realized that I must be dead.
“Renesmee?” Jacob asked his voice breaking
    As I sat up in confusion he was at my side. He was looking at me so strangely.
    “Oh god, did anda die too Jake?” I gasped at...

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Nightfall (A Sequel to Dusk) Chapter 13: pizza Boy (Nessie's POV)

posted by lovethecullens

Chapter 13 pizza Boy (Nessie's POV)

I opened my eyes and saw Jake, my father, Sam and my grandfather standing over me. Sam had a strange look on his face like a deer caught in headlights; almost as though he wanted to run out of the room but he couldn’t. He was carrying a freshly killed elk. I swallowed hard trying not to think about what I was about to do.
“Nessie, anda don’t have to do this we can try to find another way…”
I looked at my husband and wanted to cry. He looked horrible. His hair was standing up in every direction I could...

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Nightfall (A Sequel to Dusk) Chapter 12: Monster Jake's POV

posted by lovethecullens

Chapter 12: Monster Jakes POV
I felt like I was stuck in a recurring nightmare. Nessie had slept, almost comatose for four days straight. The excited atmosphere in the Cullen household surrounding the arrival of our child was gone. Everyone was silent; the house had a sense of malignancy lingering throughout it. Sam and Emily and my father stopped oleh and kept vigil in the living room. Emily was very helpful, she tended to Renesmee almost daily along with Bella; but she did lebih of the work because Bella wouldn’t set foot into a room that I was in and I never left Nessie’s side.
The...

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Secret Untold-Settling in-Part 4

posted by 1twilight_lover

Edward’s POV

About 10 menit after Bella left Alice and Jasper pulled up. ‘Why is Jasper in the Ferrari?’ ‘Where is Bella?’ ‘What took Alice so long?’
“Jasper where is Bella” Emmett asked
“She berkata I could take the Ferrari and she would fix the bike” He answered
“Alice what took anda so long” Rose asked
“I saw Bella, so I turned around to see what was wrong” She said. We started to get the boxes out and after 2 menit when the boxes were out of the car, Bella pulled up. I was amazed she could where stilettos and ride that bike. Alice was just glad she didn’t ruin...

8

Sunrise Part 40

posted by Bella_Swan3

-Renesmee-

I was now the human equivalent of six months pregnant, and watching a small grey shape moving on a monitor. My child. My little baby.

My mom, Esme, and Jacob were here with me too. Aside from Carlisle, of course.

"There he is. Speaking of which, I presume anda and Jacob would like to know the gender?" Carlisle asked. I didn't immediately answer. I was too mesmerized.

"Renesmee?" Jacob asked me.
"Yes," I managed to say.

"You have a little girl. Well, not yet, but anda will."

A little girl.

Esme sighed contentedly, almost as fascinated as I was.

From downstairs, Alice squealed.

Alice had...

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Jacob Black-My sexy werwolf

posted by AdaLove

**Jacob was born to Billy and Sarah Black. Sarah died in a car crash when he was very young. Jacob remembers Bella from when they were younger, though she does not remember him.**

**********Twilight*************

He has a small but very important role in this book. After Bella angsa, swan flirts with him (as a way to get information),
he introduces the idea of Edward Cullen being a vampire oleh telling her Quileute legends. According to Stephenie Meyer via her official website, Jacob was originally just a device to tell Bella about the "Cold Ones".However, both she and her editor liked Jacob so much that...

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Renesmee Black's Story, Chapter 2

posted by renesmeblack

2
Renesmee

How could he? The cinta of my life, now ready to rip the thing I feel I MUST keep away from me. I could hear sobs outside the door. I could hear sobs inside this room. We were both hurt. Before he closed the door, I threw something unthinkingly at him. It's now outside with him right now. It's something that probably hurt him lebih than anything else in the whole world. It was my ring. I was now crying. I felt naked without it. My jantung felt ripped to shreds. It felt like a werewolf clawed at it. It probably looked like the half of Emily's face, only it may never heal.

Jacob

I started...

19

Kayla's Secret, Chapter 32

posted by twilight-7

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
I half opened my eyes, wondering what the hell was beeping so loudly.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Was that my alarm? I reached out to turn it off. I didn’t need to wake up; I had no school to go to. I touched a square box that was way too big to be my alarm and didn’t feel like anything that should be in my room.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
I opened my eyes fully and almost screamed when I saw where I was. I wasn’t in my room. I was in a room but it wasn’t mine. It was too clean and full of medical equipment. I was in hospital. There was a drip selanjutnya to...

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Why Me? - Chapter 1

posted by Bella_Cullen902

Hey!!! This is my first Story so take it easy!! Please comment!! And I'll shut up now!!

I tried to call Jacob today...no luck. I don't know what to do, ever since the Cullens came back he hasn't talked to me. Jake wont answer the phone when i call and when somebody does pick up, Billy usually says that he's not halaman awal atau that he's asleep.

But tody was different. When i called Billy picked up and berkata "Jake doesn't want to talk to right now Bella. Sorry." Then the line went dead.

Edward say not to worry about it. That he'll get over it...eventually.

Me and Edward were in my room. He was laying across...

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Starstruck Chapter 3, (Renesmee's P.O.V) True Love,x

posted by thecullensftw_x

It was dark outside, and I was in my room, finishing off some homework. My C.D player was on loud as I worked, but that didn’t matter. I was the only one in. It was late, around 10; 45pm, but I wasn’t tired. Mum and Dad had gone up to Grandpa Carlisle and Grandma Esme’s house to talk with everyone about something important. They had suggested I stay halaman awal and study. It was a huge surprise when Jacob turned up.
“Whoa Jake, it’s you!”
“Oh my God, really?!” he laughed, and I found myself laughing too.
“What I mean is; why are anda here at nearly eleven pm when my parents are out?...

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Renesmee Cullen's Story, Chapter 15

posted by renesmeblack

15
Jacob

"Helluva way to spend your birthday, Ness," Emmett joked. WHAT?!!! It's Renesmee's BIRTHDAY?
"I'm surprised," Edward whipered across the room to me.
"I was busy!" I yelled back. Renesmee looked at us as though we were going crazy. I got up from the corner I was in and sat selanjutnya to Renesmee. I looked at Edward warily.
"Hey, at least you're not Mark," he said. I laughed and kissed Nessie's nose.
"Okay, we need to figure out how much this vortex'll grow until Mark returns," Heram berkata as he flew back into the room. "Cullens, follow me."
Nessie started to get up. I grabbed her wrist.
"Renesmee,...

9

New New Moon, 3

posted by renesmeblack

I flipped open my phone. Alice sounded angry on the other line.
"I saw anda returning to Forks. Why? Bella's jantung won't heal in time. I see her screaming in the night right now. And yesterday I saw her do almost nothing interesting. She DID trip," Alice scolded me.
"Alice, I can't do this anymore. I can't. I-"
"Listen to me right now! If anda walk back into Bella's life, she'll kill herself. I can't believe anda want to go back, like nothing happened."
The line went dead. Most of my weird vampire dreams are reality. Bella screams in her sleep now. She'd kill herself if I ever appear. All my fault....