It only took one word out of her beautiful poised lips to stop my heart. Frozen. I just stood there Frozen like the coward that I really am. Unresponsive. That was another word to describe my actions. Words were coming in, but nothing was coming out.
"Hello?" she asked again. "Helllooo?" she berkata stretching out the greeting. The goth beauty became impatient. "Well, I guess we got disconnected." she murmured under her breath. I had to save myself. I had to save myself from being the idiot who lets her hang up, calls again, and has to explain to her why I didn't respond the last time I called. "Wait Gwen! It's me." The words came out of my mouth before I could even interpret them. There was a long pause as she probably tried to comprehend who's voice the words coming out of her phone belonged to. "Trent?" she suggested. I sighed. "Yep it's me." I berkata as weakly, but cheerfully as I could. (It's complicated.) "Wow, um... I don't know what to say. It's been so long."
I knew this was gonna happen! I knew things were going to get awkward between us. One thing that I know for sure is that, after this conversation, she's never gonna call me back ever again. I let out a cool chuckle. "Yeah....So how have anda been?" I asked my ex-competitor as I tried to steer away from the awkward fog that was seeping through the phone line. "Oh, um, I've been doing fine." she replied. "Fine?! If anda call being ridiculously famous and talented, fine, then...ok." I tried to lighten the mood. She let out a cute giggle. That was the giggle that drove me wild on the island. The one that practically kept me from committing suicide on national television. The one that, when I heard, I could immediately recognize it was Gwen's. The sound of hearing it again, soothed me. "Fine then Mr.Confident. How have things been going for you?" she asked me. "Um, anda know, the norm. Still making music, hanging out with some old friends....", I smirked, "....getting some digits." I heard Gwen laugh from the other end of the line. "What, is it so hard to believe?" I asked her, smiling. "Sorry," I could hear her trying to hold back the giggles that threatened to explode out of her mouth,"it just.. isn't you." she exclaimed. "Seemed to work on you." I defended back. But, I was soon regretting it, for that awkward fog that once existed 5 menit ago, has returned for round two. I heard silence, not even the small pitter patter of her feet evaded the room. "Yeah." she simply responded after a long period of time. "Gwen.. I..." I said, sympathy dripping off of my tone. "No, it's fine.... Tell anda what, how 'bout we meet up for coffee tomorrow morning at 9ish and we'll talk then? anda know the starbucks across from Denny's?" she asked me. I grinned. "Go there every week.... anda sure your insane fan won't ruin the date- I mean, get together?" I fumbled, praying that she didn't hear that first part. "Let's just say, you'll get used to them." I could just see her smiling from the other end of the line. "Well, see anda there. Bye."
And with that, she was gone. As soon as I heard the dial tone, signaling that the coast was clear, I passed out on the couch. "Yes!" I silently cheered fist pumping the air.
You did well Trent, anda did well.
"Seemed to work on you." he defended back. As soon as he berkata that, I felt the whole weight of the world on my shoulders. How was I supposed to respond to that?! I debated my words within my head for a long period of time just to realize that I was keeping Trent waiting. "Yeah." YEAH?! Is that the best I could do?! I silently cursed myself. I like Trent, he's an awesome friend, but I just can't see him, the way that he sees me. I know Trent still likes me. I can tell oleh his tone of voice, and the way his speech wavers from confident to misguided. Trent and I dated 2 years and 3 months yang lalu on Total Drama. Yeah, I liked Trent back then, I still do... but I know that if we build back up the sparks, it will slowly be teared down oleh jealously, time, atau even ignorance. We just have so little in common to maintain a healthy relationship. Trent and I have different ways of seeing the world. Trent sees it as a place where its okay to make mistakes, and a place to be a peaceful environment. I wish I saw the world in his eyes. I see it as a path of betrayal, jantung brake, and a place where true cinta was something that anda only found in fairy tales. Things don't come as easy as it appears for me. Every morning when I wake up, I'm still faced with that little shy, quiet girl who used to be bullied on the playground, I'm still faced with that really cute guitarist that I fell in cinta with on my first hari of being on reality TV, I'm still faced with the guy with the green faux hawk who became my best friend on an abandoned film lot, I'm still faced with the over obsessive C.I.T. that tried to get me killed on the Aftermath show, and I'm still faced with my father's death. All of the things that I've seen, heard, experienced, they will always be with me no matter how hard I try to scrub them away. "Gwen.. I..." A voice snapped me out of my trance. I almost forgot that I was speaking to Trent. Partially to find an excuse to get off the phone with him, I said, "No, it's fine.... Tell anda what, how 'bout we meet up for coffee tomorrow morning at 9ish and we'll talk then? anda know the starbucks across from Denny's?"
"Go there every week.... anda sure your insane fan won't ruin the get together?" (I could have sworn I heard him fumble something, but I just shrugged it off.)
I mentally chuckled at this natural flow of conversation between Trent and I. "Let's just say, you'll get used to them." I smiled. "Well, see anda there. Bye."
"Bye." And with that, I was gone. Coffee with Trent, I hope he didn't take that as a date. As I berkata before, I just see me and Trent as friends.
Well, there is this one guy I've sorta been crushing on. Duncan. Pardon me for sounding like a cinta struck teenage girl, but, I really think... he's 'the one'. Duncan and I have so much in common. We like the same movies, listen to the same music, share the same opinions on the world, and he understands me lebih than anyone else. Speaking of who, I heard my ringtone go off. I checked the caller I.D. In big bright letters, it read, 'The sexiest guy anda know'. Yeah.... he put in the name. I smiled and reached to pick it up.
"Morning sweetheart." I smiled at the sound of his voice.
"Morning." I chuckled back.
"Ok, so, tell me how this sounds to you. Close your eyes."
"Are they closed?"
I quickly shut my eye lids over my sockets.
"What do anda think dumbass?" I giggled.
"Alright, so, you, me, sitting at a table, as two plates of the smanciest (Duncan's stupid made up collab of super and fancy. *dreamily* He's such a nerd)food anda desire sit in front of us. We talk, we laugh, somewhere in the middle I make a failed attempt to flirt with you, which anda respond oleh smacking me in the chest. How does that sound?"
"Very precise. And somewhat interesting considering that I get to hit you."
I heard him cooly chuckle from the other end of the line. "Well, let's make this dream a reality. Red ikan salmon, salmon (my parody of red lobster) tomorrow night at 8?" Well, at least it wouldn't interfere with my get together with Trent. I bit my lower lip thinking of how girly I was feeling. "Um, sure." I squeaked out. "Sweet, pick anda up at around 7-7:30.(It takes a long time to get there) Later babe."
Sigh. He's great.
Later that night
I promised myself that I would vlog every night since it's gotten really populer since Total Drama. 7,000,000 subscribers. Over 24,000,000 tampilan for each video. I quickly changed into my PJs. A black tank top, with purple bat pants. Well, here it goes.
Logging onto my vlog, I switched on my camera and pressed, record...
"Hi guys, it's me again. So, last time anda guys sent in some pertanyaan and I plan on answering them. So lets start."
I clicked the randomize button on my laptop and found a question.
"Ok, so, kittysoftpaws327 asks, "Dear Gwen, my boyfriend has been being a real jerk these days. What should I do to get him back to being him?"
I thought about it.
"Well kitty, first of all, if your boyfriend's being a jerk, maybe he's going through something. Family issues, school, and maybe he doesn't know how to express his feelings so he acts like a douche bag. The best thing to do is to be straight meneruskan, ke depan and talk to him about it. If he feels awkward atau tries to avoid the question, let him know, that you're there for him. But, always remember. Don't force him into confessing the truth atau he'll feel like your trying to control him. Communication is the key." I let out a smile.
"Alright, selanjutnya question, this one is from, GreatDragon45. "Dear Gwen, I think my mom and dad are going to get a divorce. They've been together for as long as I can remember, and it pains me to see them this way. What should I do?"
"Well, that's a tough one Dragon. If your mom and dad get a divorce, always remember that its never your fault. anda need to talk to them and tell them how anda feel. Maybe, call a family meeting. Staying silent won't help your case. And, if they still decide to divorce, don't let that put anda down. Carry on with your life, it's what they would want for you."
So there I was, spending the night answering questions, and talking to my viewers. I loved doing this, it reminded me of the times when cameras weren't hogging my personal space.
"Alright, so that's all of the time we have for today. Bye guys, oh and make sure to catch me in my new movie, 'The Outcasts', premiering in June 2012. Later!"
And with that, I logged out.
Starring in this movie with Duncan really has a big effect on me. 'The Outcasts'. The judul simply just described our personalities. Duncan and I were the outcasts. The ones who were different from the others and weren't afraid to tampil it. Well, mostly Duncan. I was the shy, quiet one, while he was loud, proud, and rebellious. I admired Duncan for his boldness. He didn't give two-shits about what anda thought about. Confident, put still sweet at the same time. To all the people who made fun of me in highschool, look at me now! Living in the jeruk nipis, kapur light. I sighed thinking of the pantai blonde tramps that used to push me around. I wonder where they are now. Pushing those thoughts aside, I noticed how late it was. 11:34pm. I decided to hit the jerami, hay 'cause I had a feeling that the producers would be breathing down my neck in the morning.
I couldn't sleep, I was freaking out! I had a tanggal with Gwen in just a matter of hours and I had no clue what I was going to say. "Ok, Gwen, I really like anda and I want us to get back together." I practiced in my mirror. No, too demanding. "Listen Gwen, you're a beautiful and amazing girl. So, I was wondering that maybe if anda wanted to, we could get back together, possibly." I slapped myself. Too passive. Come on Trent, think. "Gwen, anda mean a lot to me. Ever since we broke up, I couldn't get anda out of my mind. You're beautiful, smart, funny, and talented. I want to be lebih than friends." Too prick-ish? I don't know. I saw that it was getting pretty late. 11:40pm. I guess it's time to go to bed. I'll just have to stay confident.
I slowly shut my eyes, and went to sleep...