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Riku114 berkata …
Man I need a new icon but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck halaman awal that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD diposting ·5 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now ·5 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good hari then one word atau one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. diposting ·5 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO diposting ·7 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I honestly cant wait to be halaman awal in a little over a week man. diposting ·11 hari yang lalu
LuceOfTheLight berkata …
Riku says I have to make my icon Sakamoto. diposting ·14 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv ·9 hari yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
anda really should !!!! ·5 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered oleh the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me atau when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. diposting ·17 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that anda don't even really know. ·17 hari yang lalu
_Aderis_ berkata …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A diposting ·18 hari yang lalu
_Aderis_ berkata …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' atau 'rude' atau 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but anda know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing atau two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. diposting ·18 hari yang lalu
_Aderis_ komentar…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. ·18 hari yang lalu
_Aderis_ komentar…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me atau whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. ·18 hari yang lalu
_Aderis_ komentar…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think anda are bitches atau hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) ·18 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized diposting ·18 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle anda and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. diposting ·19 hari yang lalu
Lusamine komentar…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. ·19 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Pfft right? ·19 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if anda guys are interested. diposting ·20 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the pantat, keledai of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest diposting ·20 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest ·20 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I dunno, its just hard for me to membungkus, bungkus my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person lebih than anything. ·20 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot lebih than I am required to do ·20 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
And its like???? Wow??? ·20 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. anda can come out and make teh if anda really want it diposting ·28 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three detik yang lalu :v ·28 hari yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
FYI Lucille is a teh addict ·28 hari yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. diposting sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
hey dudes, for Mental Health Awareness bulan I might try to post a few versions of DID pertanyaan and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v diposting sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. diposting sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD diposting sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
It is a good feeling when your old friend anda had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent friends left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: diposting sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Imma ramble about some just acak DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless anda are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go diposting sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my fanpop when he is out sometimes, yes this is at anda :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact atau revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets lost in time sebulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Oh hey dude! I have a puncak, atas Contributor thing now on my club's halaman awal page! Thats actually pretty cool XD diposting ·2 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Its kind of nice being halaman awal and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - diberikan my middle sister isnt also halaman awal diposting ·2 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
anda know a lot of anda guys are actually like a genuine family to me lebih than yall probably think anda all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - atau at least didn't firmly membagi, split / solidify - before fanpop existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around anda guys like one would with family diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression atau did I just dissociate from it? diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
2ntyOnePilots komentar…
Ohhhh man. Relatable ·2 bulan yang lalu
2ntyOnePilots berkata …
Ok so... I hav3 a pertanyaan that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD ·3 bulan yang lalu
2ntyOnePilots komentar…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Aye drop oleh any pertanyaan XD ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
2ntyOnePilots komentar…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ ·3 bulan yang lalu
GDragon612 komentar…
all the best for anda ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I lowkey cinta that the hari I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The hari my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Inb4 "Oh looks like anda just have a brain tumor" ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Honestly if any of anda guys have any pertanyaan on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate pertanyaan diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
2ntyOnePilots komentar…
I have a question. Did anda ever finish the artikel anda wrote, and where might I find it? lol ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my daftar of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
Economnomnomics komentar…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could anda forget about me, Riku. ·3 bulan yang lalu
Economnomnomics komentar…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Man I had a four hari weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done diposting ·3 bulan yang lalu
2ntyOnePilots komentar…
^ ·3 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I luar angkasa out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands atau arms atau away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four atau five years now diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
simrananime berkata …
Joined^^ diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Aye sweet ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
That feeling when anda were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that anda THOUGHT anda were fully present for some parts cause anda forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille atau Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Like.... when anda have lebih than one present up in the front and are dissociated, anda cant really get into life and do exactly what anda want to do regularly. anda cant REALLY perceive all your emotions atau your needs atau the world around anda cause even if anda are semi-present, its like there is an overload and anda only get half of whats being picked up. anda are kind of stuck at a skin deep level ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
Once again, I'm really happy to see anda like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
heart
GDragon612 berkata …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Thanks XD ·4 bulan yang lalu
GDragon612 komentar…
ya welcome XD ·4 bulan yang lalu
GDragon612 komentar…
throws ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
"I honestly just see myself lebih of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from anime characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three atau four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if anda were to ask me. diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
heart
GDragon612 berkata …
just one lebih fan then anda got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics jus =3) diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
GDragon612 komentar…
hwaiting*-*<3 ·4 bulan yang lalu
GDragon612 komentar…
will open<<< ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
MY FIANCE berkata I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
Yeee! One lebih person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Me: Man I never write artikel anymore. I still have like three atau four half completed artikel to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for menulis and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand atau two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Lusamine berkata …
Joined! diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Welcome! ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Lusamine komentar…
I know, I was sad too. ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
;-; ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly oleh that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck oleh myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so anda can take a break once and a while would be great diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples anda have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family atau Friends, irl People atau Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed anda towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to anda and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my halaman awal for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which anda couldn't tell if you'd win atau lose...I am grateful to anda Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat jagung meletus, popcorn and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards teh and buah-buahan since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some buah-buahan and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Im not living am I? diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Man I havent diposting on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. diposting ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
Relatable XD !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Im in cinta diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
GDragon612 komentar…
with your boyfriend atau your birds Rikubun <3 ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD ·5 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
#TripleLove !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
link ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Personally, I identify lebih masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with lebih male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE fan of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once anda get past 38D its really not aman, brankas to bind ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
“I wish we met before they convinced anda life is war.” diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
Relatable !!!! ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I have a cheese addiction tbh diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Zeppie komentar…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated keju mozzarella, mozzarella I find this relatable v: ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
^^ ·5 bulan yang lalu
JetBlack__ berkata …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
XD Im alright man XD ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good musik to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't anda think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord atau something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
2ntyOnePilots komentar…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ·4 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
JetBlack__ komentar…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and bermimpi up different potential characters legit for the selanjutnya 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
BlueDopamine komentar…
ok, Anna ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
:vv Dont call me oleh my first name ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
atau well real name I suppose XD ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a acak appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this atau Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD ·5 bulan yang lalu
Rihanna312 komentar…
Welp, this is the third tahun when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if anda have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
JetBlack__ komentar…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
"There is no victory for the passive" diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Fresh Owari no Seraph profil diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Shukuya komentar…
Looks cool! ·5 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! ·5 bulan yang lalu
JetBlack__ komentar…
It’s perfect. ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's jaket in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty menit later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, anda just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
After all these, anyone who still can't see anda being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
YES I AM STILL THE queen OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the hari before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly cinta my fiance. The lebih I think about it, the lebih of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Im just lucky to have him ·5 bulan yang lalu
Zeppie komentar…
So sweet ❤ ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get lebih of the series in the future but I dunno diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best friends with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot atau something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including friends of mine at the time. ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I remember some of my other friends at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Legit my first PROOF backed lost memory and its kinda..... odd?? ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Bruh solid natal this year. diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I honestly hate wasting time ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations atau not ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
hey guys I'm not dead I swear diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? diposting ·5 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be lebih fun just to chill with my boi ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for lebih than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry forum and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can lebih accurately laporan it diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I might be kind of between fragments atau something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting fanpop acak pertanyaan because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
SAIX DESERVES lebih cinta diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered oleh my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years yang lalu and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I berkata I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered oleh it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I recover from rather fast ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
oleh the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Tfw anda have to talk with your therapist over why something anda know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and anda just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because anda were freaking out over something I told anda was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY membagi, split and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD atau maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor atau anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
TFW anda lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 pertanyaan longer than the one anda will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 menit to spare when anda really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental luar angkasa - either that atau briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that anda were lebih attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep anda alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five detik in ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having atau only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot lebih then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an jam break XD ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Man going through your tumblr (a place anda only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause anda know anda had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL atau BE HERE." diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck anda And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that hari XD ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
tfw anda went to the nearby campus market to get lebih Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an jam after anda come back anda just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
"Yeah, youre probably right. [...] Were probably all insane.. broken. But whose fault is that!? The adults are the ones who broke us! anda want to hear the truth? .. We're scared" ~Nagisa Shingetsu (DRAE) diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Was gonna make my profil "Just Riku" entirely cause I felt like it but nah. I felt like mixing it up since I didnt have a Danganronpa-specific background.

... quite shockingly actually. diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
TheLefteris24 komentar…
^ I'm shocked myself !!!! ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
... I just realized now after membaca 'scientific literature' for an Animal Science Assignment a few weeks yang lalu that I find membaca "scientific literature" for psychiatry and psychology as just like... a hobby XD diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Just a reminder of the stream on Saturday 2 PM diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
On another note, getting a double major in Animal Science (Avian and Behavior specialization) and Psychology in 4 years seems a lot easier than Pre-Vet in 3.5 years XD diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR FUCKS SAKE FINALLY THE AMBIGUOUS PIECES OF ANIMAL SCIENCE MATCHED. diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Okay so like I am going to complete my major in Animal Science, Avian Science Specialization and BEHAVIOR Disciplinary Focus. All of that is necessary for the Animal Science degree btw. A specialization and a Disciplinary Focus. But listen here - Im either going to minor atau double major in psychology just like I used to plan to for the majority of my middle / highschool career and carry on to get a Doctorate in Animal Behavior and / atau Psychology and then go into research for the both of them and essentially try to bridge the pertanyaan marks between animal and human psychology and see how the two could better develop, grow, and understand when looked at each other in a parallel manner. ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
This solves a lot of my issues and pretty much combines my main two interests, obsessions, overwhelming passions, and ties in my otherwise 'random' goals into a larger circle. Like one of the issues with being a Veterinarian was that I felt I would get bored being specialized in that and just working commercially and I wouldnt be learning at the rate I like to. My brain would get bored and Id start to feel like life is dull. As for genetics and convservation, it just seems fun but half baked. I wasnt passionate atau THAT curious about it. BUT WHEN anda GO INTO ANIMAL BEHAVIOR AND PSYCHOLOGY, THEY ARE BOTH HUGE PASSIONS OF MINE AND THEY ARE BOTH RATHER UNEXPLORED TERRITORIES SO THERE IS A LOT OF pertanyaan AND THINGS TO FIGURE OUT ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Okay enough of me being a nerd. I just felt some of youd be curious XD ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
But yeah for those of anda that dont fully understand how problematic dissociative amnesia is when getting mental help

Therapy: So how was your week?

Me: ??????? I can check my notes if anda like????????

Psychiatry: Okay lets track your progress. In the past two weeks have anda felt this?

Me: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Me: WHAT IS TWO WEEKS. HOW COULD I REMEMBER THE PAST TWO WEEKS. MAYBE IVE BEEN GOOD MAYBE I HAVENT WHO KNOWS diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
I can probably maybe answer for "The past two days" confidently at best XD ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
On a detik note, we have a "stale" (someone who joined the band post-Summer Retreat) and my motherly "adoptive" instincts kicked in and I think he thought I was an "upper" / "returner" for a bit until I was like "Oh yeah Im new too so I know how anda feel" diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
BlueDopamine berkata …
97th. Was waiting to be the 100th, but knowing the growing community fanpop's active members number , this might take forever. diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Understandable XD ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 komentar…
Honestly Ive lost a member atau two so its kinda been staying around 95-97 for the past long while ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
Me: *rambling about sebelumnya mental states to boyfriend* Ah... 10th grade was like the most peaceful tahun even though I dont remember any of it.

Me: ....

Me: .... maybe it wasn't peaceful after all and I only say it was because of all the years, I dont remember any of 10th grade. diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
Riku114 berkata …
My boyfriend is too cute to be depressed atau mopey when talking to on video chat diposting ·6 bulan yang lalu
BlueDopamine komentar…
I'm so jeli ·6 bulan yang lalu