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posted by karpach_14
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking halaman awal they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone atau something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe...
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posted by karpach_14
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want anda to hold me."

The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the selanjutnya hari the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes...
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posted by karpach_14
1
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

"Betty, I was wondering -- have anda ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would anda ask such a pertanyaan now? anda don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."

"Three? When were they?"

"Well, Jack, remember when anda were 35 years old and anda really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give anda a loan? Remember how one hari the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no pertanyaan asked?"

"Oh, Betty, anda did that for me!...
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posted by karpach_14
2
A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for anda anda twit she was only after your money and could have diberikan a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when...
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posted by karpach_14
7
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 detik AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The selanjutnya morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her jubah and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
posted by tdafan121
1
I've recently seen fights going on over anime (you know who anda are!) and I don't like it. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, but fighting is not and will never be the answer to anything. If us Fanpoppers can suck it up and stop fighting enough to end fanwars of all shapes and sizes, maybe then it wouldn't be hard for us, the kids of today, to become the peacemakers of tomorrow and end real wars oleh talking it out. If the world would realize that fighting is never the answer to any question, comment, concern, atau complaint, then maybe we could be peaceful. If peace can happen here on...
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 James
James
kabin for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Nine: James

    I’m James Ricky Reese. I live with my little sister, Cassie, and my older brother (he’s a bum), Greg. I have a hot girlfriend named Chelsea and annoying parents named Kristi and Bobby.
     Anyways, I am bernyanyi my favorit song, 21 guns oleh Green hari whenever I hear the all American, annoying Beth scream. It’s not this scared, “It’s a spider” scream. It’s this really excited scream. “OH MY GOD HE’S COMING HERE TONIGHT!” I look over at her and expect her to be jumping up and down...
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posted by Supergirl14
1
The Plan
I looked in the cracked mirror, Sad and lonley...Well not lonley, I did have my circus preformers(or slaves as I was taught to call them)But most of them thougt I was a freak! I know they woun't dare say that to my face, but I hear them,"I hate her so much,"and,"she is such a freak!"(I hate when pepole call me that!)
What did I do wrong?I gave them everything they needed,and made sure they were perfect.They work three hours a day, how hard is that, I work non-stop.
I always try to make sure I'm perfect in every way,but there is always something wrong in my routine.I always try to make...
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posted by vanillaicecream
1
So let's say you're talking to your friends and gesturing wildly, and because you're not paying attention, anda manage to honk some part of a passing stranger's anatomy that is traditionally covered oleh underpants; spinning around to apologize, anda instead topple down a staircase and faceplant into a wedding cake, whereupon anda realize that your pants are unbuttoned. Would this be
a.) the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to anda atau
b.) a Tuesday?

Everyone's awkward from time to time, but until now it's been impossible to determine, numerically, just how awkward anda are.

Well, this...
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posted by darina25
u will need: shampoo, towel, conditioner. not much is it?

1st way longer, do it in the evening b4 goin 2 bed
~ wet ur hair
~ wash ur hair with any sort of shampoon then if ur done just half dry it with ur towel ( do not use a hairdryer it only burns ur hair )
~ be4 ur hair dries put ur conditioner in ur hair from the puncak, atas 2 the bottom. n leave it till morning
~ in the morning wash ur hair
~ dry it with ur towel n wait till it dries fully
~ the last step is 2 be happy with ur new soft hair.


2nd if u don't have enough time then try step 2


~ wash ur hair n dry it with towel.
~ put conditioner on still wet hair n leave it 4 around 5 mins.
~ then wash the conditioner of with shampoon
~ dry it of with a towel.
~ when it dries then, just be happy with new hair.
posted by xalexsakurax
1
and alex took the pisau from his mouth and stabbed him right on the forehead while miki cut his arm off and alex cut open his chest "done damn was i scared"said alex "of wat"anwsered miki "i thought my piss was going to end up all over the ground"said alex seriously "u disgust me!"said miki laughing "i better"replied alex then the wind started to pick up it blewed so hard alex and miki flew up then whooosh!!!gone alex and miki were gone no one knows were they r at............. but i do........wait till selanjutnya time bye bye for now
posted by RandomQueenOo
3
 Funny Cat
Funny Cat
1- Last night I lay in tempat tidur looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

2- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

3- Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

4- There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

5- "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

6- The road to success is always under construction

7- When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

8- If anda die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

9- Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

10- What anda call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what anda call him, he ain't gonna come.

Hope anda like them :)
 O.O
O.O
kabin for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Eight: Zack

    I’m Zack Overborne Geri, nothing really special, except I was featured in the newspaper, and even on Good Morning America for my amazing drawings (which were almost as good as our friend Minnie’s drawings).
    Finally, Laken surrendered to Ella and we got in the car, waiting for Ella, Tori, and Beth who were checking out. We were in the minivan, I had rented for 4 months from “Bobby’s rentals” It was pretty roomy, even in the front. It had 3 sections and a back plate for the groceries. I’d...
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kabin for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Seven: Laken


    Hi! I’m Laken Reese Barenshsky. I’m 19 and I live with my parents and my 15 tahun old brother, Jason. I have the most wonderful, beautiful girlfriend, Tori. She’s pretty, she has long brown hair, that’s naturally curly, brown eyes and her smile is gorgeous, like I’ve just been snapped with the sun! God, she’s sexy.
    “GOALLLLLLLL!” I scream whenever I kick the pir into the side of this tempat sampah in the back of the store. Zack grumbles (because he’s a loser!) and we keep kicking this...
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posted by smileypop9
These artikel are gonna be the thoughts on life and stuff, and this is part two.
I did this because I was bored, and because I wanna get my thoughts out.
---------

Rap in one word? Crap.
That's my opinion, so don't bash me.
.
Anyway, I hate that stupid drivel. Yeah ok, sorry kids, that I sound like your mother. But I really think that people who listen to rap could seriously use an update to their tunes.
Why would anda wanna listen to musik from people who wear their pants down to their knees, objectify women, and swear 24/7?
There's much better musik available.
...
People who listen to rap are kinda...
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posted by TruBerries
4
Reminder: Please don't misunderstand my tone when I write things. If I were being smart atau yelling, I'd be killing the hadiah right now(lol) but I'm just being real. That's just who I am.

All right, it seems as though every bulan there's someone posting a picture of themselves in a pertanyaan asking 'am I pretty', 'rate me from 1-10', atau whatever and I must admit, it's extremely annoying. fanpop is not the place to be posting pictures of yourselves on here knowing that everyone's profil is vulnerable for the taking. I mean it's your decision if anda want to do that, but I believe it's not safe...
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From many months of being here on Fanpop, I have only recieved 3 best answers. Hey, I'm still livin'! Don't fret if anda never got a best answer, just simply drink susu out of a coconut, sit back and relax on a nice couch, and listen to my soothing words. Ok, I'm gonna shut up now and just talk about best answers.

1. Sometimes, don't actually do the the pertanyaan might say to do. Dig deeper into it, deeper, deeper, DEEPER...ok, maybe your confused. I'll give an example:
Question: Why does everyone hate on Nickelback?
My answer: Because they don't have any nickels on their backs. Liars.
Get it now?...
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kabin for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Five: Naomi

    I’m Naomi Ann Queues. I live(d) with my parents, Ashlee and Terence and my two older siblings, Katy and Sebastian. I have a wonderful (I cinta him to DEATH) boyfriend named Tyler who was probably smarter than my best friend, Tori in math last tahun (sorry, Tori!) Anyways, I had to stay after graduation for a bunch of foto with Tori and stuff. Throughout our time at our little school, Saint Peters, my best friend and I had won a lot of awards. So whenever we were asked personally oleh Mr. Brunner, our school principal,...
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kabin for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Four: Minnie
    Hi, I’m Minnie Ellen James Buchanan. I live with my boyfriend Sam’s parents, Ashley and Kurt. My parents (R.I.P), Nancy and Chris died 6 months yang lalu in a horrible car accident. My little siblings, Marilyn and Jassen were sent to our godparents, Ian and Lea. I was old enough, that I wanted to be with my boyfriend. They welcomed me in with wide arms, but every time I have a school thing our something, they insist I talk to Ian and Lea about it, because they are just “the housing parents”. I treat them like my parents...
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