These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to anda as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If anda are the phone company, I already sent the money. If anda are my parents, please send money. If anda are my financial aid institution, anda didn't lend me enough money. If anda are my friends, anda owe me money. If anda are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now anda say something.

5. Hi, I'm not halaman awal right now, but my answering machine is, so anda can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

7. Hello! If anda leave a message, I'll call anda soon. If anda leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

9. Hello, anda are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows atau a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait oleh your phone until I call anda back.

13. If anda are a burglar, then we're probably at halaman awal cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't halaman awal and it's aman, brankas to leave a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, anda have the right to remain silent. Everything anda say will be recorded and will be used oleh us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.