"Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down, and I'd like to take a menit just sitting right there to tell anda how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air..." jk, I was just dying to put that. Probably something like "You're probably not going to believe any of this shit, but it's all true... Be aware: this is the most fucked up book you'll ever read."
"Most biographies are about miserable people whining their asses off about how horrible their lives were. That's not this book. I had a fairly good life; Friends, family, a roof over my head, and food on my plate. But with all of the perfections of my suburbian life, I felt too happy. I wanted something interesting to happen."
"If anda think you're about to read an honest, good story about friendship, love, romance, unicorns who fart gay leprechauns, off the chart amounts of insanity, and unicorns who fart gay leprechauns, then sweet Yesus you're right!
"And yes, I'm being perfectly serious about the unicorn."