Kurt: anda and your friends threw pee balloons at me.
Finn: I know.
Kurt: anda nailed my lawn furniture to my roof. ”
—Kurt and Finn, -Pilot
“ Did I miss the election for queen? Because I didn't vote for you.
”
—Kurt to Rachel, Pilot
“ Mercedes: This song is terrible.
Mr. Schuester: Okay, no, no. It's not the song, anda guys just need to get into it.
Kurt: No, it's the song. It's really gay.
”
—Kurt, Mr. Schuester, and Mercedes, Showmance
“ Rachel: ...because we're gonna give them (students) what they want.
Kurt: Blood? ”
—Showmance
“ They're gonna throw buah-buahan at us. And I JUST had a facial.
”
—Kurt to Mr. Schuester, Showmance
“ One hari anda will all work for me.
”
—Kurt, Showmance
“ Kurt: anda need to call me before anda get dressed.
Mercedes: Whatever.
Kurt: anda look like a Technicolor zebra. ”
—Kurt and Mercedes, -Showmance
“ anda busted my window. How could anda do that? anda busted my window!
”
—Kurt to Mercedes, Acafellas
“ OK, stop it right there, Mercedes. We are in glee club. That means we are the bottom of the social heap. Special Ed kids will get lebih play than we will.
”
—Kurt to Mercedes, Acafellas
“ Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion.
”
—Kurt to Mercedes, Acafellas
“ My dad bought it for me when he made me promise to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee. [camera shows he is wearing one] What he doesn't know won't hurt him.
”
—-Kurt about his car, -Acafellas
“ It's OK. My Dad took my baby [car] away when he found my tiara collection in my hope chest.
”
—Kurt to Mercedes, Acafellas
“ Mercedes: Have anda ever kissed anybody?
Kurt: Yes. If oleh somebody anda mean the tender crook of my elbow. ”
—Kurt and Mercedes, -Acafellas
“ Finn: Put your ketopong, helm on.
Kurt: It'll mess up my hair.
”
—Kurt and Finn, Preggers
“ My body is like a rum cokelat souffle. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise.
”
—Kurt to Finn, Preggers
“ Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker.
”
—Kurt, Preggers
“ Putting on night cream is part of my post-game ritual.
”
—Kurt to Burt, Preggers
“ Emma: Kurt, I'm a girl who knows her solvents and your breath smells like rubbing alcohol. :Kurt: Oh, Bambi. I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy. (vomits) ”
—Kurt and Emma, The Rhodes Not Taken
“ I don't see how lightning is in competition with an above ground swimming pool.
”
—Kurt, Vitamin D
“ Although I've been grouped with the boys, my allegiance remains with anda ladies. They declined my offer to do their hair in cornrows, and all my artistic decisions have been derided as too costly because they involve several varieties of exotic bird feathers.
”
—Kurt to the girls, Vitamin D
“ Someone get me to a hari spa stat!
”
—Kurt, Mash-Up
“ Mercedes: anda are NOT gonna slushie on my man Kurt. Rachel: Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. He doesn't care about us losers anymore. Finn: No, that's not true! It's just if I don't do it, the guys on the team are gonna kick the crap out of me! Kurt: Well we can't have that, can we? [grabs the slushie from Finn] Finn: What are anda doing? Kurt: It's called taking one for the team. [Splashes himself in the face with the slushie, and pauses] Kurt: Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether atau not any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you.
”
—Mash-Up
“ We all know I'm lebih populer than Rachel.. and I dress better than her.
”
—Kurt, Wheels
“ Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and inappropriate.
”
—Kurt to Finn, Ballad
“ Kurt: How do anda explain the constant irritation with you. It’s because she’s a Girrrrrl. :Finn: I think it’s the pregnancy hormones atau something, they make her kinda nuts. :Kurt: It’s enough to give up women all together. (giggle) ”
—Kurt and Finn, Ballad
“ I don’t know why I find his stupidity charming. I mean, he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows.
”
—Kurt (about Finn), Ballad
“ He was my knight-in-shining armor. My feelings lingered stronger as we bonded over Glee, then football, then skincare.
”
—Kurt (about Finn), Ballad
“ She’s going to end up disappointing him and breaking his jantung and then he’ll be crying into my shoulder pads.
”
—Kurt (about Quinn and Finn), Ballad
“ I can totally sing this song with Finn. But screw him if he thinks he’s taking the Diana Ross part from me.
”
—Kurt (voiceover), Ballad
“ Girls, they’re your problem. They’re up, they’re down. Girls.
”
—Kurt to Finn, Ballad
“ I'm in. Make-overs are like crack to me.
”
—Kurt to Quinn, Hairography
“ Rachel manages to dress like a toddler and a grandmother at the same time.
”
—Kurt to Quinn, Hairography
“ anda need something to distract from your horrible personality. Most of the time I find it hard to be in the same room with you, especially this one which looks like where stroberi shortcake and holly Hobbie come to hook up.
”
—Kurt, Hairography
“ Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate what a good singer anda are because all I think about is shoving a kaus kaki in your mouth.
”
—Kurt, Hairography
“ Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook foto would only fuel the flames of anti-Glee club terror.
”
—Kurt, Mattress
“ Kurt: I say we lock Rachel up till after sectionals. I volunteer my basement. :Mercedes: We can't. We need her to sing. :Kurt: Damn her talent. ”
—Kurt and Mercedes, -Sectionals
“ As much as it pains me to admit it, and it does, Rachel is the best singer we've got.
”
—Kurt, Sectionals
“ Will: (While drawing a stick figure on the board.) Hello. (Turns around to face the students.) Hello? :New Directions Members: (Scattered and in different tones.) Hello. :Will: What do anda guys say when anda answer the phone? :Mercedes: What up? :Artie: Who 'dis be? :Kurt: No she's dead, this is her son. ”
—Will Schuester, Mercedes Jones, Artie Abrams, and Kurt Hummel, "Hell-O"
“ Mercedes is black. I'm gay. We make culture.
”
—Kurt, The Power of Madonna
“ Will: Hey, guys, how's your assignment coming along? :Mercedes: Amazing! anda know how madonna reinvented the video, right? :Will: Right. :Mercedes: Well, we got Artie and the A/V Club to help out. We're gonna make a madonna video of our own. :Kurt: It's gonna be "Madge"-ical. (Kurt laughs, but Mercedes looks confused) "Madge"... (Mercedes shakes her head) anda know, Madonna's nickname. Girl, anda really gotta get up to speed with this. ”
—Kurt, Mercedes and Will, The Power of Madonna
“ "You both have dead spouses. Maybe anda should talk.
”
—Kurt upon introducing Burt to Carole, Home
“ "Rachel and Jesse refuse to accept that all of us would rather die before we allow them to become the selanjutnya beyonce and Jay-Z.
”
—Kurt, Home
“ "IT'S JUST A MOIST TOWLETTE!
”
—Kurt to Finn, Theatricality
“ Kurt: (about Tina's Lady Gaga costume) anda look like anda should be in orbit. Tina: My balls keep falling off. :Kurt: I've been there. ”
—Kurt and Tina, Theatricality
“ Yes, anda don't want to be late for your appointment at Supercuts!
”
—Kurt to Karofsky and Azimio, Theatricality
“ I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week.
”
—Kurt, Funk
“ Will: "We could steal their school statue." :Kurt: "Their school statue is a bronze Great White Shark, eating a segel pup. It weighs three tons." ”
—Kurt to Will, after a suggestion to prank Vocal Adrenaline, Funk
“ Mr. Schue, Rachel is one of us. We're the only ones who get to humilate her!
”
—Kurt to Will, Funk
“ (At the beginning of this year....) I wasn't honest about who I was.
”
—Kurt to Mr. Schuester, Journey
Finn: I know.
Kurt: anda nailed my lawn furniture to my roof. ”
—Kurt and Finn, -Pilot
“ Did I miss the election for queen? Because I didn't vote for you.
”
—Kurt to Rachel, Pilot
“ Mercedes: This song is terrible.
Mr. Schuester: Okay, no, no. It's not the song, anda guys just need to get into it.
Kurt: No, it's the song. It's really gay.
”
—Kurt, Mr. Schuester, and Mercedes, Showmance
“ Rachel: ...because we're gonna give them (students) what they want.
Kurt: Blood? ”
—Showmance
“ They're gonna throw buah-buahan at us. And I JUST had a facial.
”
—Kurt to Mr. Schuester, Showmance
“ One hari anda will all work for me.
”
—Kurt, Showmance
“ Kurt: anda need to call me before anda get dressed.
Mercedes: Whatever.
Kurt: anda look like a Technicolor zebra. ”
—Kurt and Mercedes, -Showmance
“ anda busted my window. How could anda do that? anda busted my window!
”
—Kurt to Mercedes, Acafellas
“ OK, stop it right there, Mercedes. We are in glee club. That means we are the bottom of the social heap. Special Ed kids will get lebih play than we will.
”
—Kurt to Mercedes, Acafellas
“ Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion.
”
—Kurt to Mercedes, Acafellas
“ My dad bought it for me when he made me promise to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee. [camera shows he is wearing one] What he doesn't know won't hurt him.
”
—-Kurt about his car, -Acafellas
“ It's OK. My Dad took my baby [car] away when he found my tiara collection in my hope chest.
”
—Kurt to Mercedes, Acafellas
“ Mercedes: Have anda ever kissed anybody?
Kurt: Yes. If oleh somebody anda mean the tender crook of my elbow. ”
—Kurt and Mercedes, -Acafellas
“ Finn: Put your ketopong, helm on.
Kurt: It'll mess up my hair.
”
—Kurt and Finn, Preggers
“ My body is like a rum cokelat souffle. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise.
”
—Kurt to Finn, Preggers
“ Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker.
”
—Kurt, Preggers
“ Putting on night cream is part of my post-game ritual.
”
—Kurt to Burt, Preggers
“ Emma: Kurt, I'm a girl who knows her solvents and your breath smells like rubbing alcohol. :Kurt: Oh, Bambi. I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy. (vomits) ”
—Kurt and Emma, The Rhodes Not Taken
“ I don't see how lightning is in competition with an above ground swimming pool.
”
—Kurt, Vitamin D
“ Although I've been grouped with the boys, my allegiance remains with anda ladies. They declined my offer to do their hair in cornrows, and all my artistic decisions have been derided as too costly because they involve several varieties of exotic bird feathers.
”
—Kurt to the girls, Vitamin D
“ Someone get me to a hari spa stat!
”
—Kurt, Mash-Up
“ Mercedes: anda are NOT gonna slushie on my man Kurt. Rachel: Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. He doesn't care about us losers anymore. Finn: No, that's not true! It's just if I don't do it, the guys on the team are gonna kick the crap out of me! Kurt: Well we can't have that, can we? [grabs the slushie from Finn] Finn: What are anda doing? Kurt: It's called taking one for the team. [Splashes himself in the face with the slushie, and pauses] Kurt: Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether atau not any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you.
”
—Mash-Up
“ We all know I'm lebih populer than Rachel.. and I dress better than her.
”
—Kurt, Wheels
“ Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and inappropriate.
”
—Kurt to Finn, Ballad
“ Kurt: How do anda explain the constant irritation with you. It’s because she’s a Girrrrrl. :Finn: I think it’s the pregnancy hormones atau something, they make her kinda nuts. :Kurt: It’s enough to give up women all together. (giggle) ”
—Kurt and Finn, Ballad
“ I don’t know why I find his stupidity charming. I mean, he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows.
”
—Kurt (about Finn), Ballad
“ He was my knight-in-shining armor. My feelings lingered stronger as we bonded over Glee, then football, then skincare.
”
—Kurt (about Finn), Ballad
“ She’s going to end up disappointing him and breaking his jantung and then he’ll be crying into my shoulder pads.
”
—Kurt (about Quinn and Finn), Ballad
“ I can totally sing this song with Finn. But screw him if he thinks he’s taking the Diana Ross part from me.
”
—Kurt (voiceover), Ballad
“ Girls, they’re your problem. They’re up, they’re down. Girls.
”
—Kurt to Finn, Ballad
“ I'm in. Make-overs are like crack to me.
”
—Kurt to Quinn, Hairography
“ Rachel manages to dress like a toddler and a grandmother at the same time.
”
—Kurt to Quinn, Hairography
“ anda need something to distract from your horrible personality. Most of the time I find it hard to be in the same room with you, especially this one which looks like where stroberi shortcake and holly Hobbie come to hook up.
”
—Kurt, Hairography
“ Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate what a good singer anda are because all I think about is shoving a kaus kaki in your mouth.
”
—Kurt, Hairography
“ Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook foto would only fuel the flames of anti-Glee club terror.
”
—Kurt, Mattress
“ Kurt: I say we lock Rachel up till after sectionals. I volunteer my basement. :Mercedes: We can't. We need her to sing. :Kurt: Damn her talent. ”
—Kurt and Mercedes, -Sectionals
“ As much as it pains me to admit it, and it does, Rachel is the best singer we've got.
”
—Kurt, Sectionals
“ Will: (While drawing a stick figure on the board.) Hello. (Turns around to face the students.) Hello? :New Directions Members: (Scattered and in different tones.) Hello. :Will: What do anda guys say when anda answer the phone? :Mercedes: What up? :Artie: Who 'dis be? :Kurt: No she's dead, this is her son. ”
—Will Schuester, Mercedes Jones, Artie Abrams, and Kurt Hummel, "Hell-O"
“ Mercedes is black. I'm gay. We make culture.
”
—Kurt, The Power of Madonna
“ Will: Hey, guys, how's your assignment coming along? :Mercedes: Amazing! anda know how madonna reinvented the video, right? :Will: Right. :Mercedes: Well, we got Artie and the A/V Club to help out. We're gonna make a madonna video of our own. :Kurt: It's gonna be "Madge"-ical. (Kurt laughs, but Mercedes looks confused) "Madge"... (Mercedes shakes her head) anda know, Madonna's nickname. Girl, anda really gotta get up to speed with this. ”
—Kurt, Mercedes and Will, The Power of Madonna
“ "You both have dead spouses. Maybe anda should talk.
”
—Kurt upon introducing Burt to Carole, Home
“ "Rachel and Jesse refuse to accept that all of us would rather die before we allow them to become the selanjutnya beyonce and Jay-Z.
”
—Kurt, Home
“ "IT'S JUST A MOIST TOWLETTE!
”
—Kurt to Finn, Theatricality
“ Kurt: (about Tina's Lady Gaga costume) anda look like anda should be in orbit. Tina: My balls keep falling off. :Kurt: I've been there. ”
—Kurt and Tina, Theatricality
“ Yes, anda don't want to be late for your appointment at Supercuts!
”
—Kurt to Karofsky and Azimio, Theatricality
“ I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week.
”
—Kurt, Funk
“ Will: "We could steal their school statue." :Kurt: "Their school statue is a bronze Great White Shark, eating a segel pup. It weighs three tons." ”
—Kurt to Will, after a suggestion to prank Vocal Adrenaline, Funk
“ Mr. Schue, Rachel is one of us. We're the only ones who get to humilate her!
”
—Kurt to Will, Funk
“ (At the beginning of this year....) I wasn't honest about who I was.
”
—Kurt to Mr. Schuester, Journey
