anda sit beside Justin on the couch, laptop on your lap while anda scroll through your timeline on Twitter. Not finding anything interesting, anda switch over to going through your mentions. A smile finds its way to your lips as anda read through the tweets at the top, all of them flattering compliments. Your smile instantly turns into a frown however when anda continue to read and find aq lot of rather hateful messages.
“@y/t/n is so ugly… I don’t understand why Justin is with her”
“@y/t/n ever thought about trying a diet? I don’t think it’d hurt. Lol”
“@y/t/n just kill yourself already! Nobody wants anda here and Justin doesn’t cinta you”
anda whimper softly, the familiar urge coming back. Closing your computer, anda place it on the coffee meja in front of you. anda stand up from the dipan, sofa slowly and stretch your limbs - pretending to be tired. Of course, since the clock had only just reached 8pm, Justin looked at anda questioningly when anda announced that your were going to bed.
“Are anda okay, babe? anda know it’s only eight, right?” He asks anda skeptically and he adds a chuckle at the end, trying to conceal his concern for you.
“I’m okay, Justin. Just tired.” anda answer quickly. Leaning down, anda press your lips to his cheek, “Night.”
“Night…?” He trails off and his sentence is turned into a pertanyaan because oleh then anda have already disappeared up the stairs.
———————-
A couple of weeks later, anda and Justin are eating makan malam at halaman awal with Pattie, Scooter, Carin and Ryan and his girlfriend - who had become one of your best friends. Everyone are just enjoying themselves when Justin places the delicious looking food at the table. Scooter lets out a holler, complimenting on how good it looked.
anda cringe as the wonderful taste enters nostrils, but anda still wait patiently for your turn. anda only place a small portion of food on your plate though and you’re grateful that Justin is too engrossed in a conversation with Ryan too notice.
Throughout dinner, anda keep quiet and continuously poke your food with the fork. anda don’t talk much either, only from time to time when Carin desperately tries to add anda into the conversation.
“Are anda okay, honey?” Pattie asks suddenly when she notices your absent mind.
anda bite your lip, placing the fork back down selanjutnya to your plate. Looking up to meet Pattie’s concerned eyes, anda give her a small smile. “Yeah. I’m just not feeling too good. I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, hon, don’t apologize. We only want anda to be okay. Go take a nap, sweetheart. I’ll make sure Justin checks up on anda later.” Pattie gives anda a reassuring smile, but anda know her well and can easily see the worry deep within her eyes. anda nod, send an apologizing look to Ryan’s girlfriend before heading upstairs.
Meanwhile downstairs, all of the girls are looking at Justin hopelessly when anda disappear out of sight and they are sure anda can’t hear.
“Justin, something is up with [Y/N] and I don’t like it. She barely ate any of her food!” Carin exclaims and Justin nods.
“I know.” Justin states, his voice cracking at the last word. Before he can say anything else, Pattie is out of her chair and beside her son. She pulls him into her arms and Justin nuzzles his face into her neck, willing himself not to cry.
“I…” Justin trails of, pulling away from Pattie. “She has barely eaten for the past week. Last couple of weeks, actually. I’m so worried that she’s gonna faint anytime when I’m not there. What if she faints in the shower, mom? What would I do then?”
“Have anda tried talking to her about it, hon?”
“Yes! I’ve tried asking her about it, almost pressuring her into eat but she’ll either say that be isn’t hungry atau like she did now, saying she’s not hungry. I… I think she’s starving herself, mom, and I don’t know what to do.”
Justin looks so scared and lost that Pattie’s jantung aches for her son. She wishes she can just take the pain away from him, but she also knows that this is something Justin and [Y/N] has to fix themselves.
“Go talk to her now, bro. We’ll leave anda guys alone. Thanks for makan malam though.” Ryan speaks up for the first time. He stands from his chair and pulls his best friend into a hug. “Talk to her, find out what’s wrong and help her fix it. We need our girl back soon, JB. The happy, careless one.”
————-
“[Y/N]? Babe?”
anda hear Justin call out quietly and your jantung begins to race unbelievably fast, pumping the blood around in your veins. anda only watch as the blood streams faster from the cuts on your wrist, not moving a muscle.
Vaguely, anda can hear Justin call out your name again, but you’re caught up in your own world to think anything about it. anda continue to watch as the blood trickles down your forearm, dripping down and then staining your skinny jeans. Glancing around the bathroom anda notice your high heels and suddenly anda remember the guest anda had invited for dinner.
That’s when anda break. anda break into tears, your crying increasing every detik until you’re full on sobbing. Forgetting about your cuts, anda bring your knees up to your chest. Hugging them, anda continue to sob uncontrollably and anda even have to gasp for air from time to time.
“Babe, is that you? [Y/N]? [Y/N]!” Justin’s voice is frantic now and before anda can respond atau even comprehend it, Justin has opened the bathroom door.
anda don’t look at him. anda don’t want to. anda just can’t. Justin doesn’t cinta you. He thinks you’re ugly and so does everyone else. anda deserve this. So anda continue to sob into your knees, pretending your boyfriend isn’t there.
“Oh… My god. Babe!”
Justin is oleh your side like lightening and pulls anda into his arms. He gently pries your hands away from your knees oleh grabbing your wrists and if it hadn’t been for the cuts - anda wouldn’t have cared. anda wince and a whimper escapes your mouth which causes Justin to freeze his actions. He looks down slowly, as if he was afraid of the sight that would meet him. He takes a sharp breath, his hand shaking slightly as he inspects your arm.
“Fuck…” Justin mutters and anda can easily hear that it’s strained. He looks up again and his glazed eyes meet your puffy ones. “Why?” He croaks.
“Because I’m not good enough, Justin! I’ll never be good enough. I-I’m… I’m not good enough.” anda whisper the last word, still trying to catch anda breath as the salty tears continue to stream down your face.
“Of course you’re good enough! anda always have been and anda always will be. Who in the world told anda that anda weren’t?” Justin asks bewildered, anger blazing in his eyes.
“Your fans…”
“W-what?” Justin stammers, trying to understand what anda just told him.
“Your fans, Justin. They tweet me all the time saying how ugly I am, that I don’t deserve you, that I’m better off dead. It hurts, Justin. It hurts so much…” anda whimper, hiding your head in the crook of Justin’s neck.
“Shh, baby, I know. I know. Is it… Is that why anda haven’t been eating lately? Did any of them call anda fat?” Justin asks cautiously seeing as he doesn’t want to make anda feel worse. anda bare nod, but it’s there.
“[Y/N]…” And he’s crying too. anda feel his tears on your exposed neck, but anda don’t care. All anda want is yo sit there in Justin’s arms as long as possible. “I was so worried about you! I thought there was something seriously wrong. anda were almost avoiding me and it hurts knowing that anda don’t want to talk to me about it. I was so scared you’d faint as soon as my eyes left you. You’re so thin, so fragile… I don’t like this new you. I want the old [Y/N] back - the one I fell in cinta with. Can anda do that?”
“I-I can’t, Justin. It hurts too much. I… I need to take the pain away. I deserve to be in pain!” anda whimper, the pain from your cuts now beginning to appear.
“No!” Justin exclaims immediately and anda flinch, hearing the tone of his voice.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I hate seeing anda in so much pain, [Y/N]. It physically hurts me to know that you’ve been hurting yourself. We’re gonna get through this, okay? I’ll talk to my fans, I’ll have a press conference, hell, I’ll even hapus your twitter if I have to.” He laughs sadly, gripping each of your arms to pull anda away so he can look at you.
“Everything’s gonna be alright. I’ll help anda through this. I will be here every step of the way. I won’t leave, ever.”
“Promise?” anda sniff, looking at him. “I promise.”
“And anda are beautiful, okay? So damn beautiful. anda are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and anda always will be. I don’t want anda to change. I cinta anda for you, [Y/N]. Forget those jealous bitches, they’ve got nothing on you. You’ll always be my favorit girl.”
“You are so corny!” anda giggle quietly as Justin pulls anda close to him again. anda feel his chest shake as he laughs half-heartedly.
“Yes, but anda cinta me!” Justin teases, stroking your hair softly.
“Mm, that’s true.” anda whisper as anda doze of. Tired of crying, tired of feeling useless, tired of starvation. So anda lay in Justin’s arms, listening to his calming heartbeat, while falling asleep. anda smile softly, knowing that Justin would always cinta you, no matter what.
I just wanted to say that if any of you, anyone, have these kind of problems - I’m here. My ask box is always open and I’m here to talk if anda want me to be. And anda are beautiful. anda are so damn beautiful, all of you. I cinta anda so much! x
“@y/t/n is so ugly… I don’t understand why Justin is with her”
“@y/t/n ever thought about trying a diet? I don’t think it’d hurt. Lol”
“@y/t/n just kill yourself already! Nobody wants anda here and Justin doesn’t cinta you”
anda whimper softly, the familiar urge coming back. Closing your computer, anda place it on the coffee meja in front of you. anda stand up from the dipan, sofa slowly and stretch your limbs - pretending to be tired. Of course, since the clock had only just reached 8pm, Justin looked at anda questioningly when anda announced that your were going to bed.
“Are anda okay, babe? anda know it’s only eight, right?” He asks anda skeptically and he adds a chuckle at the end, trying to conceal his concern for you.
“I’m okay, Justin. Just tired.” anda answer quickly. Leaning down, anda press your lips to his cheek, “Night.”
“Night…?” He trails off and his sentence is turned into a pertanyaan because oleh then anda have already disappeared up the stairs.
———————-
A couple of weeks later, anda and Justin are eating makan malam at halaman awal with Pattie, Scooter, Carin and Ryan and his girlfriend - who had become one of your best friends. Everyone are just enjoying themselves when Justin places the delicious looking food at the table. Scooter lets out a holler, complimenting on how good it looked.
anda cringe as the wonderful taste enters nostrils, but anda still wait patiently for your turn. anda only place a small portion of food on your plate though and you’re grateful that Justin is too engrossed in a conversation with Ryan too notice.
Throughout dinner, anda keep quiet and continuously poke your food with the fork. anda don’t talk much either, only from time to time when Carin desperately tries to add anda into the conversation.
“Are anda okay, honey?” Pattie asks suddenly when she notices your absent mind.
anda bite your lip, placing the fork back down selanjutnya to your plate. Looking up to meet Pattie’s concerned eyes, anda give her a small smile. “Yeah. I’m just not feeling too good. I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, hon, don’t apologize. We only want anda to be okay. Go take a nap, sweetheart. I’ll make sure Justin checks up on anda later.” Pattie gives anda a reassuring smile, but anda know her well and can easily see the worry deep within her eyes. anda nod, send an apologizing look to Ryan’s girlfriend before heading upstairs.
Meanwhile downstairs, all of the girls are looking at Justin hopelessly when anda disappear out of sight and they are sure anda can’t hear.
“Justin, something is up with [Y/N] and I don’t like it. She barely ate any of her food!” Carin exclaims and Justin nods.
“I know.” Justin states, his voice cracking at the last word. Before he can say anything else, Pattie is out of her chair and beside her son. She pulls him into her arms and Justin nuzzles his face into her neck, willing himself not to cry.
“I…” Justin trails of, pulling away from Pattie. “She has barely eaten for the past week. Last couple of weeks, actually. I’m so worried that she’s gonna faint anytime when I’m not there. What if she faints in the shower, mom? What would I do then?”
“Have anda tried talking to her about it, hon?”
“Yes! I’ve tried asking her about it, almost pressuring her into eat but she’ll either say that be isn’t hungry atau like she did now, saying she’s not hungry. I… I think she’s starving herself, mom, and I don’t know what to do.”
Justin looks so scared and lost that Pattie’s jantung aches for her son. She wishes she can just take the pain away from him, but she also knows that this is something Justin and [Y/N] has to fix themselves.
“Go talk to her now, bro. We’ll leave anda guys alone. Thanks for makan malam though.” Ryan speaks up for the first time. He stands from his chair and pulls his best friend into a hug. “Talk to her, find out what’s wrong and help her fix it. We need our girl back soon, JB. The happy, careless one.”
————-
“[Y/N]? Babe?”
anda hear Justin call out quietly and your jantung begins to race unbelievably fast, pumping the blood around in your veins. anda only watch as the blood streams faster from the cuts on your wrist, not moving a muscle.
Vaguely, anda can hear Justin call out your name again, but you’re caught up in your own world to think anything about it. anda continue to watch as the blood trickles down your forearm, dripping down and then staining your skinny jeans. Glancing around the bathroom anda notice your high heels and suddenly anda remember the guest anda had invited for dinner.
That’s when anda break. anda break into tears, your crying increasing every detik until you’re full on sobbing. Forgetting about your cuts, anda bring your knees up to your chest. Hugging them, anda continue to sob uncontrollably and anda even have to gasp for air from time to time.
“Babe, is that you? [Y/N]? [Y/N]!” Justin’s voice is frantic now and before anda can respond atau even comprehend it, Justin has opened the bathroom door.
anda don’t look at him. anda don’t want to. anda just can’t. Justin doesn’t cinta you. He thinks you’re ugly and so does everyone else. anda deserve this. So anda continue to sob into your knees, pretending your boyfriend isn’t there.
“Oh… My god. Babe!”
Justin is oleh your side like lightening and pulls anda into his arms. He gently pries your hands away from your knees oleh grabbing your wrists and if it hadn’t been for the cuts - anda wouldn’t have cared. anda wince and a whimper escapes your mouth which causes Justin to freeze his actions. He looks down slowly, as if he was afraid of the sight that would meet him. He takes a sharp breath, his hand shaking slightly as he inspects your arm.
“Fuck…” Justin mutters and anda can easily hear that it’s strained. He looks up again and his glazed eyes meet your puffy ones. “Why?” He croaks.
“Because I’m not good enough, Justin! I’ll never be good enough. I-I’m… I’m not good enough.” anda whisper the last word, still trying to catch anda breath as the salty tears continue to stream down your face.
“Of course you’re good enough! anda always have been and anda always will be. Who in the world told anda that anda weren’t?” Justin asks bewildered, anger blazing in his eyes.
“Your fans…”
“W-what?” Justin stammers, trying to understand what anda just told him.
“Your fans, Justin. They tweet me all the time saying how ugly I am, that I don’t deserve you, that I’m better off dead. It hurts, Justin. It hurts so much…” anda whimper, hiding your head in the crook of Justin’s neck.
“Shh, baby, I know. I know. Is it… Is that why anda haven’t been eating lately? Did any of them call anda fat?” Justin asks cautiously seeing as he doesn’t want to make anda feel worse. anda bare nod, but it’s there.
“[Y/N]…” And he’s crying too. anda feel his tears on your exposed neck, but anda don’t care. All anda want is yo sit there in Justin’s arms as long as possible. “I was so worried about you! I thought there was something seriously wrong. anda were almost avoiding me and it hurts knowing that anda don’t want to talk to me about it. I was so scared you’d faint as soon as my eyes left you. You’re so thin, so fragile… I don’t like this new you. I want the old [Y/N] back - the one I fell in cinta with. Can anda do that?”
“I-I can’t, Justin. It hurts too much. I… I need to take the pain away. I deserve to be in pain!” anda whimper, the pain from your cuts now beginning to appear.
“No!” Justin exclaims immediately and anda flinch, hearing the tone of his voice.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… I hate seeing anda in so much pain, [Y/N]. It physically hurts me to know that you’ve been hurting yourself. We’re gonna get through this, okay? I’ll talk to my fans, I’ll have a press conference, hell, I’ll even hapus your twitter if I have to.” He laughs sadly, gripping each of your arms to pull anda away so he can look at you.
“Everything’s gonna be alright. I’ll help anda through this. I will be here every step of the way. I won’t leave, ever.”
“Promise?” anda sniff, looking at him. “I promise.”
“And anda are beautiful, okay? So damn beautiful. anda are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and anda always will be. I don’t want anda to change. I cinta anda for you, [Y/N]. Forget those jealous bitches, they’ve got nothing on you. You’ll always be my favorit girl.”
“You are so corny!” anda giggle quietly as Justin pulls anda close to him again. anda feel his chest shake as he laughs half-heartedly.
“Yes, but anda cinta me!” Justin teases, stroking your hair softly.
“Mm, that’s true.” anda whisper as anda doze of. Tired of crying, tired of feeling useless, tired of starvation. So anda lay in Justin’s arms, listening to his calming heartbeat, while falling asleep. anda smile softly, knowing that Justin would always cinta you, no matter what.
I just wanted to say that if any of you, anyone, have these kind of problems - I’m here. My ask box is always open and I’m here to talk if anda want me to be. And anda are beautiful. anda are so damn beautiful, all of you. I cinta anda so much! x
