It was my worst new years eve ever. I went to tempat tidur with these thoughts about 6 o’clock a.m. 1th January 2014. That was the first day. I was at my friend’s, I woke up very late in the afternoon and I had nothing to do. We were just liing in the tempat tidur and watching TV. They started a film ’The sleeping dictionary’ at late night. Everyone was sleeping, but I saw it stars Jessica Alba so I decided to watch that film. During the film I fell in cinta with the women she played. I wanted to be in the guy’s place and live that life. She was so amazing, she fascinated me and I felt something very strong. I haven’t seen that film before despite it was lebih than 10 years old and I had known Jessica Alba since I was ten. After the film I was just asking myself why. Why is jay older than me ? Why was she born in California, the other side of the world ? Why wasn’t I born there ? Why is she so beautiful ? Why did I have to see her ? Why is she causing that to me ? There were just pertanyaan in my head and it was very hard to sleep. Finally I could…

On the detik hari the feeling was stronger. As I woked up I took my clothes and went home. The whole hari I was just thinking, I didn’t even say any word. I sat in front of the computer and started to cari for Jessica Alba. I was membaca infos about her life, watching all of her pictures. Then I started to watch interviews with her and I spent about 4-5 hours with it. While I was watching the video I realized that I fell in cinta with Jay, the actress, the woman who are in the interviews. I loved every movements of her, she was so sweet, she was perfect and it hurted very much. I remember when she berkata in the David Letterman tampil that she isn’t naked in her films because she is feeling nervous when naked in front of the crew. I will never forget that sentence. She has got very good values and that’s why she is a perfect women. She mencuri my heart.
Thanks to the interviews I knew a lot of things about her. She is mother of two, Honor and Haven, her husband is Cash Warren, she is the founder of The Honest Company and her book is ’The Honest Life’. Maybe I knew things that I didn’t even want to know.
I was addicted to her, I wanted to watch lebih and lebih video about her. Her voice was calming me down and I felt nervous when I didn’t hear it. She was like a drug. I felt a very suffering pain and it was killing me.

On the third hari I was looking meneruskan, ke depan to watching the video again, to hearing again her voice. I was just watching interviews where she talked about her life, her family, her successes. I realized that she is happy now. Realized that she is living a good life and she deserves it. There are no man in the world who can imagine better woman for himself than Jay.
I thought that the first person who changed my life was Eminem. And he changed. But who really changed was Jay. She totally changed it. Now I’m seeing the world with other eyes. Doing things in other ways. Now I look back and I see that my life was empty before. I don’t know why am I feeling this because I was playing football in a team, I was playing music, I was working, I was studiing in a college, I had goals to reach. And now everything has changed in a moment.

She changed my life. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but anda know what ? I don’t even want to know.

Jezeda